Summer Rain And Roses
by Shirl
Summary: INCOMPLETE.An Alternate Universe fic. Carter becomes involved with a woman and her young son, and this relationship will change his life.
1. Chapter 1

RATING: It should be somewhere in between PG13 and R, but I guess I'll  
settle with PG13 here, with warning for language.  
TIMELINE: Spoilers up to "All in the Family" (Season 6).  
Becomes an Alternate Universe fic after that point.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters from ER. They are  
the property of Warner Brothers, Constant C Productions, etc.  
ARCHIVE: You are welcome to download this story for your own  
reading, but please do not archive it without my permission.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This first chapter begins four months after the  
Valentine's Day "incident" in Season 6.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The rhythmic beating of the rain against the window was a soothing sound.  
John Carter found himself staring at the fat droplets as then ran down  
the glass in swirling rivulets. The rain had come furiously and suddenly,  
probably catching many people outside offguard. He imagined them  
running for shelter under a nearby doorway or struggling to open their  
umbrellas before becoming soaked. Perhaps this would help to cool  
things off. The heat had been particularly unbearable today since  
the air conditioner had decided to become temperamental. It would  
tease them by blowing wonderfully cold air for a few minutes, only to shut  
down again.  
  
The rumble of thunder in the distance served to snap him out of his trance.  
He lowered his eyes back to the stack of papers in front of him and  
tried to recall where he'd left off. It was a slow day in the ER and  
that had its good and bad points. He'd been able to catch up on a lot  
of paperwork, so that was a plus. But for the most part, he preferred  
to be kept busy. Whenever the pace slowed down, he tended to become  
melancholy and reflective, his thoughts straying to the past. His mind  
unwillingly started to wander again but this time he forced himself back  
to the task at hand.  
  
After several more minutes, he tossed the pen aside, massaging the  
base of his neck. He'd been slouched over the desk for far too long  
and now his lower back was complaining. Ever since his injury -  
the stabbing - he found it uncomfortable to sit still for long periods  
at a time. He frequently needed to get up and move around to  
stretch out his back muscles.  
  
"Hey Carter, there you are," Dave Malucci called out, stepping halfway  
into the lounge. "Some of us are going over to Doc's for lunch.  
Wanna join us?"  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"So? Come and hang out with us anyway."  
  
"Some other time, Dave. You go on." John waited for the sound of  
the door to close but it never came. He turned his head to find Dave  
staring at him. "What?" he said, sounding irritated.  
  
"Nothing." Dave started to retreat but then, apparently changing  
his mind, he let the door swing shut behind him as he came to stand  
beside John. "No, it's not nothing. What's wrong with you?"  
  
Not liking where this conversation was headed, John avoided his gaze.  
"I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Don't act dumb. It doesn't suit you. You know exactly what I mean.  
You mope around all day. You never socialize with us anymore.  
I haven't seen you go out on a date in I don't know how long. The only  
time you seem happy is when you have a nice, bloody trauma to work on.  
It's been four months, Carter. Get over it already."  
  
Dave didn't mean to sound so harsh but he was honestly worried about  
the guy. Everyone was. They kept waiting for Carter to return to  
his old self but it just wasn't happening. If anything, he appeared  
to be acting more depressed and withdrawn as the months wore on.  
It was time someone confronted him about it. And since no one else  
seemed willing to do it, he decided to step up to the plate.  
  
"I am not having this discussion with you." John got to his feet,  
partly because his back demanded it but also so he could use his  
slight advantage in height to stare Dave down.   
  
But Dave wasn't ready to back off yet as he returned John's glare.  
"Well, someone has to talk to you. Lucy's dead. We're all sorry  
and we all miss her. But we have to move on, man. Just what do you  
think you're accomplishing by wallowing in guilt, or whatever it is  
that you're wallowing in?"  
  
John clenched his teeth together as the dull throb in his back  
began to grow worse. The combination of the pain and Dave's words,  
which were cutting too close to home, made his temper flare.  
"Get out of my way. I'm not talking to you." He tried to step  
past him but Dave moved with him to block his exit. "Get the fuck  
out of my way, Malucci and leave me alone," John snarled, shoving Dave  
to the side with one hand and then slamming out of the lounge.  
  
Dave absently rubbed his shoulder where Carter had pushed him,  
shaking his head with regret. That had not gone well. Not at all.  
They'd never exactly been the best of friends, so he supposed he  
wasn't the right person to get through to him. Hopefully someone  
else would have better luck.  
  
***************  
  
After cooling off in the cafeteria with an iced tea, John made his  
way back to the ER. He quickly perused the board, noticing that  
there were a few more patients to see now.  
  
"Carter, think you can handle a four-year old boy with a leg lac  
or should I page Dr. Finch?" Chuny Marquez joked. It pleased her  
to see him smile at her comment.  
  
"I guess I can manage," he replied, picking out the chart from  
the rack.   
  
"His mother's name is Rose. She's really pretty. And she's not  
wearing a ring."  
  
John tried not to roll his eyes at Chuny's rather obvious attempt  
to perk his interest. Lately, she'd been trying to set him up with  
this friend or that cousin. He hated blind dates. She'd done this  
before and it had never worked out. He was running out of inventive  
ways to politely say, 'forget it, I'm not interested'.  
  
Scanning over the preliminary information on the chart as he walked,  
he pushed open the door to Exam Room 2. Two pairs of eyes belonging  
to mother and son looked up at him anxiously. "Hello, I'm Dr. Carter.  
I understand your son took a fall?"  
  
"Yes. We were at the park and he fell off the jungle gym.   
I...I don't think it's broken." The worry was plainly etched in  
Rose Philips' brow and she gripped her purse as if it were a lifeline.  
She stepped back from her son so the doctor could do his work.  
  
"Well, let's have a look." John could see the fear in the boy's  
wide blue eyes so he approached him slowly, giving what he hoped  
was a reassuring smile. "Hi, Joshua. I need to look you over and  
make sure you're okay."  
  
Joshua kept darting nervous glances between John and his mother,  
though he didn't say a word. Rose moved closer to him again,  
murmuring, "It's all right, Josh. Dr. Carter wants to help you."  
  
As John gently reached out to inspect the boy's leg, Joshua flinched,  
crying out for the first time. "Mommy!" He tried to scramble  
backwards on the gurney he was seated on until Rose put her arms  
around him. Clutching at the front of her dress, he buried his  
face against it. He made no further sound but his small body shook  
with tremors.  
  
Rose stroked his back, giving John an apolgetic look. "I'm sorry  
about this. He gets this way with strangers. He's just very shy."  
  
"That's okay. Perhaps he'd be more at ease sitting on your lap,"  
John suggested.  
  
Nodding, Rose waited until Joshua had calmed down somewhat and climbed  
onto the gurney. She lifted him onto her lap and this time he didn't  
protest when John began to examine his leg. It wasn't broken and  
would only require a few stitches.  
  
John worked quickly, explaining everything as he went along. Secure in  
his mother's arms, Joshua remained surprisingly still until John was  
finished.  
  
"All done," he announced, snipping the thread. "You did great, kiddo.  
You're a brave boy."  
  
"Hear that, Josh? I'm very proud of you." Rose kissed the top of  
her son's head. She then flashed a warm and grateful smile in   
John's direction. "Thank you, Dr. Carter. I know it's silly, but I  
was so worried about him."  
  
"It's not silly at all." Getting to his feet, he moved the tray he'd  
been using aside. His gaze connected with hers and he found himself  
almost unconsciously returning her smile. He also realized, rather  
belatedly, that she was soaked through from the rain. She wasn't  
dripping, but her long dress clung to her curves and her hair curled  
from the dampness. "I'm sorry, I should have offered you a towel.  
You must be cold."  
  
"Actually, no. It's a bit of a relief from the heat. One of the  
nurses did give me a towel when I first got here. And luckily  
I had a change of clothes for Josh."  
  
Rose set her son back on the gurney and hopped off, starting to gather  
their things together. John stripped off his gloves, glancing out  
the window. "Looks like the storm has blown over. The sun is out again."  
  
"Pity. I rather enjoyed the rain." Slinging her bag over one shoulder,  
she hoisted Joshua against the other one. He immediately rested his head  
against her neck, worn out from the adventures of the day. "Thank you  
again for all your help."  
  
"You're welcome. I'll see you out."  
  
He held the door open for her and walked with her as far as the admit desk.  
He waved goodbye to Joshua but the boy was already starting to nod off  
as Rose headed out into the sunshine.  
  
"Wow, who was that?"  
  
Dave's familiar voice rang out loudly and John gave him an annoyed look.  
"Nobody," he replied shortly, quickly signing off Joshua Philips' chart.  
  
"She was a total babe. Did you ask her out?"  
  
"No, I didn't."   
  
John had intended to apologize to Dave for blowing up at him earlier,  
but the man was grating on his nerves again.   
  
"Oh, you just let her walk out?" Chuny asked, sounding disappointed.  
  
"Don't you start too," John snapped. "Look, I know you both have good  
intentions but just stop. Stop trying to organize my social life."  
He directed his gaze towards Chuny. "I don't need you to set me up  
with your friends." Holding up the chart and pointing it towards Dave,  
he said, "And you. Just stay away from me for a while. That's all I ask."  
  
Tossing the chart onto the desk, he strode quickly outside to get some  
much needed fresh air.  
  
Having witnessed the scene from the sidelines, Kerry Weaver shook her  
head as she approached them. "What do you two think you're doing?"  
  
Chuny regarded her with a guilty expression but Dave looked defensive  
as he waved his arms for emphasis. "He needs some serious help.  
I know you've told us to give him space but it's been four months.  
I don't see him getting any better, do you?"  
  
"And you think setting him up on a date is going to help?" Kerry retorted,  
a sarcastic edge to her tone.  
  
"Well it sure as hell can't hurt. We have to do something." He paused.  
"Why don't you talk to him? He might listen to you."  
  
Kerry wished that were true. She'd already tried so many times to get  
through to him, without success. But she was willing to try again.  
"I'll talk to him. But in the meantime, I want you both to back off.  
Is that understood?"  
  
They nodded in unison. Dave waited until Kerry was out of hearing range  
before he muttered," Maybe I should have asked her out."  
  
Glowering at him, Chuny punched him high on the arm, and Dave rubbed at  
his sore shoulder for the second time that day.  
  
***************  
  
Stepping out of the elevator, he could hear the muffled sound of  
blaring music and it grew increasingly louder as he got closer to  
the door. John glanced wearily at his watch. It was just after  
one a.m.. But it was a Saturday night, so he supposed he could  
hardly complain. Maybe he could convince them to turn down the  
volume a notch, though.  
  
Not surprised to find the door to the suite unlocked, he turned the knob  
and walked in. He was expecting the apartment to be filled with people  
but he only counted about ten. Furniture had been pushed to the side  
to make room for a dance floor. Several people were dancing - although  
flailing might be a better term - enthusiastically to the beat. One was  
passed out cold on the floor; another on the couch. He could see a few  
more out on the balcony, drinks in hand. The one person he didn't see was  
his cousin. Perhaps he was in his room or had gone out to replenish the  
always bottomless liquor stock.  
  
John said hello to a couple of people he recognized, trying to make his  
way unnoticed to the bedroom. Of course, he didn't step ten feet  
before he found a soft, warm, feminine body suddenly pressed against his.  
He gazed down into a pair of attractive green eyes that were slightly  
bloodshot.  
  
"My name's Angela but my friends call me Angel," she purred, her long  
fingers stroking his upper arm. She smiled broadly, showing even,  
white teeth. "What's your name, honey?"  
  
Doing his best to suppress a laugh at her obvious come on, he bared his  
own teeth, gesturing with his free hand. "You've got lipstick on your  
teeth. Right here."  
  
She instantly closed her mouth, her smile not quite meeting her eyes now.  
But she hadn't given up yet. "I don't live too far from here. Wanna come  
to my place for a drink?"  
  
"The only place I'm going is to bed. Alone." He extricated himself  
from her clinging grip and turned away, grateful that she didn't pursue him.  
While she'd been physically attractive, he hadn't been drawn to her at all.  
In fact, he hadn't been drawn to anyone since Elaine. And how long ago  
had that been? Maybe Dave was right. Maybe there *was* something wrong  
with him.  
  
With that disturbing thought, he entered his room, shutting the door  
behind him. The loudness of the music was only somewhat diminished but  
he could live with it. He was so tired anyway, he'd probably fall asleep  
the moment he flopped onto the bed.  
  
The room was dimly lit by moonlight coming in through the large window.  
As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he moved towards the bed.   
That's when he heard the sound. A sort of scuffling noise.   
  
He stopped breathing, his heart starting to thud so rapidly he was afraid  
it would burst right out of his chest. He knew he wasn't alone. He could  
feel someone else's presence in the room and that knowledge made the nape  
of his neck crawl. He told himself to turn around and face whoever was   
there but he was frozen to the spot.   
  
*It's just someone from the party* one part of his brain said reasonably.  
But the darkened room, the music outside, the slight noise behind him...  
His mind formed the irrational conviction that if he turned around,  
he'd feel the wickedly sharp blade of a knife sinking into his flesh.  
Tearing into the muscles in his back. Rendering him with such immense  
pain that he'd be reduced to writhing on the floor in agony, unable to  
help himself or anyone else.  
  
His eyes darted to the outline of the lamp on his bedside table. It was  
only two steps away. All he had to do was walk over there and turn on  
the switch. Bathe the room in light and face his foe, whomever it   
might be.   
  
How much time had passed since he'd heard the sound? Five seconds?   
Five minutes? He felt the sweat pop out on his forehead, his mind  
screaming at him to do something. When the noise came again,   
accompanied this time by what sounded like a human groan, he lunged  
for the lamp in one giant leap.  
  
With a barely audible click, the room brightened with soft white light.  
  
"Ow, my eyes. Turn that off," a distinctly female voice complained.  
  
"Johnny, is that you?"  
  
Realizing he was still holding his breath, John slowly exhaled.  
No longer afraid of the unknown, he walked around the foot of the bed,  
knowing exactly what he'd find on the other side.  
  
"Hi Tammy," he greeted, hoping that his voice sounded normal and  
didn't betray the paralyzing fear he'd felt just moments ago.  
He quickly averted his gaze when his eyes fell upon her half-undressed  
form. He stared at his cousin instead, who was blinking up at him  
with a lazy smile.  
  
"Sorry to crash in your room. But mine was being occupied, if you  
know what I mean," Kevin Carter said, lounging back on the makeshift  
bed of pillows they'd made on the floor. When John didn't respond,  
he added, "Hey, at least we didn't mess up your bed, right?"  
  
"Kevin, make him turn the light off," Tammy wheedled, her hand snaking  
underneath his shirt and starting to forge below his stomach before  
he snatched it away.   
  
"Can't do that. It's his room," he murmured, starting to sit up.  
  
"I thought this was your apartment," she whined.  
  
Kevin ignored her, getting to his feet a little unsteadily.   
He peered at John more closely. "Hey, you okay? You don't look  
too good."  
  
John drew in a shaky breath. His heartrate was almost back to normal  
but with the rush of adrenaline leaving his system, his knees felt  
weak. He sat down on the edge of the bed, muttering, "I'm fine.  
You just surprised me, that's all."  
  
"Yeah, I wasn't expecting you to be home 'till later. Thought we'd  
have this party wrapped up by one at the latest."  
  
"It is after one."  
  
"Oh, shit. Sorry, man. I'll get everyone cleared out of here.  
Tammy, time to go."  
  
"You don't have to do that," John said tiredly. "She's right.  
It's your apartment."  
  
"Yeah, why do I have to leave?" she piped up, looking entirely too  
comfortable where she was.  
  
"Get moving, Tammy. I mean it," Kevin snapped, heading towards the  
door. "I'll get rid of the others."  
  
The music was soon cut to an abrupt halt and John could hear Tammy  
muttering under her breath. She'd been going out with Kevin for  
almost two months now and as far as he could remember, she'd never  
had a pleasant thing to say. And she never held back her opinion  
either. "You know, I would think a doctor would be able to afford  
his own place," she said, starting to button her blouse. "How much  
longer are you going to freeload off Kevin?"  
  
She had a valid point and it was a question John had started asking  
himself. He had only intended this arrangement to be temporary.  
When Kerry had told him to move out of her basement, he'd immediately  
started looking for an apartment but couldn't seem to find anything  
he liked. That's when Kevin had offered up his place. It was the  
penthouse suite in one of several buildings owned by his father.  
He was living there rent-free, of course.   
  
John had planned on finding his own place within a month or so,  
but somehow one had stretched into five. Then, at the beginning  
of February, he'd contemplated resuming his apartment search again.  
But then came the stabbing. That had put his life on hold for  
a while. Now he was starting to run out of excuses, even though  
Kevin insisted that he didn't mind sharing the space. He joked that  
he could fit his whole department at work in here and there would  
still be plenty of room.  
  
But Tammy was right. It was time that he stopped taking advantage  
of Kevin's generosity.   
  
Not bothering to say goodbye, Tammy soon strode out of the room.  
Glad to be left alone at last, John flung out his arms and flopped  
backwards onto the bed. He closed his eyes, feeling his body  
finally start to relax by degrees.  
  
Kevin softly knocked on the door, peeking his head in. "Everyone's  
leaving, except for a couple of people that are oblivious to the world.  
I'm going to let them sleep it off."  
  
"That's fine," John nodded, giving way to a yawn.   
  
Kevin came up to the bed, appraising John with dark eyes. "Are you  
sure you're okay? You were white as a sheet before."  
  
John considered telling him about his momentary panic attack but  
then thought the better of it. He didn't want to unload his problems  
onto his younger cousin, especially since out of all his family  
members, Kevin had seemed to be the most affected by the stabbing.   
  
Both his sister and parents had called him from Europe when they'd  
heard about the incident from his grandmother. They'd been concerned  
but then assumed he was fine after learning he pulled through the  
surgery without complications. His grandparents had dutifully  
visited him at the hospital. Gamma had even asked if he'd like to  
stay at the house during his recovery. But he'd declined,  
stating that he had everything he needed at Kevin's place.   
  
Kevin had been a wreck upon hearing how closely John had come to dying.  
As cousins, they'd always been close but since losing his brother Chase,  
he'd looked up to John like another older brother. Whenever he'd come  
to visit him at County, John had spent most of his time reassuring Kevin  
that he was okay; that he wasn't going to have some sort of a relapse  
and die.   
  
So now, as he looked up into Kevin's worried face, he lied easily.  
"I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting anyone in here."  
  
"I'm sorry about that," Kevin apologized. "It won't happen again.  
Well, you look beat so I'll let you sleep. Goodnight."  
  
"'Night, Kev."  
  
The door closed and John turned off the lamp. The room was black once  
more but this time, he knew for certain that nothing was hidden in  
the shadows. Upset with himself for crumbling under the weight of  
his overactive imagination and fearful mind games, he punched his  
pillow in frustration. Sleep was a long time coming as he lay there  
in the dark, staring up at the moon.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	2. Chapter 2

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
Song Title: Unsettled Scores (from the musical "Whistle Down the Wind")  
Lyrics by: Jim Steinman   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So many cries in the night that you try to ignore  
Why didn't I do that, why didn't I do this  
So many unbroken chains, so many unsettled scores  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Tapping her foot impatiently, Kerry silently cursed the slow mechanism  
of the elevator. The compartment seemed to shudder slightly as it passed  
by each floor and she made a mental note to have maintenance look into it.  
The descent finally came to a halt and she bolted into the hallway  
before the doors were even halfway open.  
  
"Pardon me," she murmured, sidestepping around an older couple who were  
standing right by the doors. They drew back in surprise as she brushed  
past them, their ankles almost clipped by her crutch. She kept on the  
lookout for him as she hurried down the hall, hoping she wasn't too late.  
"Has anyone seen Carter?" she called out, approaching the admitting area  
slightly out of breath.  
  
"I think you just missed him," Abby Lockheart informed her, tapping away  
at the computer keyboard. She made a small sound of frustration as she  
lost the internet connection again. That was twice now in the last  
ten minutes. She realized Kerry was still standing there and glanced up  
at her. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, nothing's wrong." Kerry held back a sigh, wishing she hadn't  
misjudged the time. She gave a weary smile. "Have a good night, Abby.  
I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Goodnight, Dr. Weaver."   
  
Kerry headed for the lounge, her pace unrushed now. Considering they'd  
been working the same shift, she'd barely seen John all day.  
The afternoon had been busy and then she had gotten tied up in a  
dinner meeting. But that was no excuse. She should have made a point  
of seeking him out and telling him they needed to talk. Another day  
of lost opportunity had slipped by and she regretted it. Dave wasn't  
the only one who was worried about him.  
  
She pushed open the lounge door, only to find exactly who she was  
looking for. "Hi, I'm glad you're still here."  
  
John barely turned his head, closing the locker. "Not for long.  
I just forgot something."  
  
"Do you have plans for tonight?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Well, I'm off now too. Have a beer with me."  
  
He turned around fully to stare at her. "What?"  
  
"We can make it something stronger if that doesn't suit you."  
He didn't even crack a smile at her joke. "Let me take you out for  
a drink."  
  
"Uh, I don't think so, Kerry."  
  
He was so transparent. She could almost visualize his brain trying to  
formulate a reasonable excuse. But she wasn't going to take no for  
an answer. "Why not?"  
  
"I'm tired. All I want to do is go home and sleep."  
  
"That doesn't sound like much fun on your birthday."  
  
Looking faintly surprised, he leaned back against the locker,  
fiddling with his keys in the palm of one hand. "You remembered."  
  
"Yes, but apparently everyone else forgot. That can be quickly  
remedied, of course. All I have to do is go out there and make  
an announcement."  
  
The sweetness of Kerry's smile was contrasted by the gleam in  
her eye. John ducked his head, one corner of his mouth curling  
upwards in spite of himself. "Isn't this called blackmail?"  
  
"Such a nasty word. I prefer to call it enticement."  
  
She was up to something. That much was obvious but John wasn't quite  
sure what her true intention was. But what the hell, it had been a  
lousy day. Two patients had died under his care despite his best  
efforts; one an elderly heart attack victim and the other a teenager  
gunned down in a drive-by shooting. He could definitely use a drink.  
  
He'd been slightly uneasy all day, expecting to walk into the lounge  
or an exam room and have all of the ER staff yelling 'surprise'.  
Cake, a little music and some party hats were usually in order  
whenever someone's birthday came around. He used to enjoy those  
impromptu celebrations but these days he shrank away from being the  
center of attention. He'd been relieved that no one had remembered.  
  
And now here was Kerry, practically demanding that he join her.  
He'd always enjoyed her company and it had been a long time since  
they'd done anything together. On the other hand, he truly was tired.  
Maybe he should decline and just head home. He hovered in a state  
of indecision.  
  
Kerry watched the emotions play across his expressive features.  
He was going to say no. "All right, have it your way."   
  
She spun briskly on her heel but didn't quite make it to the door  
before he stepped in front of her path, his eyes beseeching.  
"Wait. Come on, Kerry." When she didn't respond, he sighed.  
"Okay, okay. One beer," he relented. There was only one other  
matter to settle. "Your car or mine?"  
  
***************  
  
Since Kerry had the day off tomorrow and needed her car to run  
some errands, John decided to leave his Jeep at the hospital.   
He would just take the El in tomorrow.   
  
The ride was a mostly silent one, each preoccupied with their own  
thoughts. The radio playing softly in the background kept the  
mood from growing too uncomfortable.   
  
John gazed out the window, contemplating that his birthday was  
almost over. He'd received the obligatory phone call from his  
mother early this morning. She'd accompanied his father on another  
one of his business trips overseas, this time to Germany.   
They'd only chatted for a few minutes, their conversation touching  
upon the weather and her numerous complaints about the hotel.  
When he'd asked to speak to his father, she had apologized and  
told him he'd already left for a meeting. She'd quickly ended  
the call at that point and had wished him a wonderful day.  
  
John really wasn't surprised that his father couldn't be bothered  
to talk to him on his birthday. But it still stung. And the fact  
that he cared enough to be hurt by it annoyed the hell out of him.  
He was now thirty years old, for God's sake. One would think he  
would've developed thicker skin by now. He had to stop being  
so damned, foolishly sensitive.  
  
Kerry occasionally stole glances at his profile as she drove,  
absently gnawing on her lower lip. Now that she would finally  
be sitting down to talk to him, she found herself growing  
strangely nervous. The feeling was rather vague, a sort of jittery  
flutter in the pit of her stomach. Nervousness wasn't something  
she was accustomed to but she realized she only felt this way because  
this was so important to her. John was important to her.  
  
She cared about all of her colleagues at work, of course.   
But somehow she'd grown to care about John a little more than  
the others, unfair as that seemed. She knew this was a result of  
John having been a former boarder in her home. Initially, she'd tried   
to keep a professional distance from him, treating him as just  
another tenant. But gradually the walls had come down and they'd  
shared many lengthy conversations, lingering over dinner or coffee  
and sharing the problems and strains of each day. Without question,  
he understood her better than anyone else at County. He knew the  
real Kerry Weaver, not the evil administrative bitch that most others  
believed her to be.  
  
Unfortunately, it had taken John's brush with death to make her  
realize how precious their friendship was to her. Even now, so many  
months later, she could recall with vivid clarity the horrific scene  
that she'd stumbled across in Exam Room 3. Two bodies sprawled on  
the cold floor, their lifeblood spreading in wide pools around them.  
In the weeks after the incident, she'd had numerous nightmares and  
would awaken gasping and trembling, her heart pounding wildly.  
The disturbing dreams had faded now but whenever she thought back  
to that night she felt ill.   
  
Kerry swallowed hard, fighting the greasy swell of nausea that rose  
in her throat, threatening to choke her.  
  
"Hey, you drove right by it."  
  
John's voice startled her and she jerked the wheel, causing the car  
to veer off to the left for a moment before she straightened out again.  
"Sorry, what?" she questioned, her voice sounding strained.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Kerry almost snorted with disgust at herself as John gave her a  
concerned look. She was supposed to be asking him that. "I'm fine.  
I passed by it, didn't I."  
  
John leaned back in his seat, relaxing once again. For a second,  
he had thought he'd have to grab the steering wheel. "Yeah, assuming  
we're going to The Arms."  
  
He was referring to The Wincester Arms, an English pub near Kerry's  
home that they had sometimes frequented.  
  
Forcing her thoughts back to the present, Kerry turned the car around  
at the next set of lights. When they entered the smokiness of the pub,  
they decided to sit outside on the patio. The night was still warm but  
the air seemed to be getting colder. Kerry removed her light jacket,  
the cool breeze feeling delicious on her bare arms. She ordered a  
dark ale while John asked for anything that was on tap. It wasn't too  
busy for a Sunday evening and the waitress was prompt to return with  
their drinks.  
  
John looked rather pensive as he took his first sip. Whenever he  
became quiet like this, it meant something was bothering him.  
"So how does it feel to hit the big three-oh?" she inquired,  
sipping her own drink.  
  
He shrugged. "I don't feel any different from yesterday. How did  
you feel?"  
  
"When I turned thirty? Hmm, that was so long ago, I don't remember."  
  
He gave a small smile at her joke. "Are you telling me five years can  
feel like a lifetime?"  
  
Kerry chuckled softly, thinking back to her thirtieth birthday.  
"Maybe. Actually, it was fine. I thought it would be quite traumatic  
but the day passed like any other birthday. Just another year older."  
  
"Did you do anything special?"  
  
"Not really. I think I just went out to dinner with friends. I'm a  
little surprised that you didn't have other plans for tonight.  
Are you getting together with some friends later?"  
  
"No, I don't think so. Kevin is away for the weekend but he'll be  
back tomorrow. We might do something after work."  
  
"So how is Kevin?"  
  
After a few more minutes of small talk, Kerry was anxious to get to  
the heart of the matter. She'd been hoping to get some sort of  
inspiration in how to approach the subject but nothing seemed to be  
forthcoming. She decided to be blunt. "I'm worried about you, John."  
  
He felt a sudden urge to slink away from the table. So that's what  
Kerry was up to. If he'd known the real reason behind her invitation  
for tonight, he would have turned her down flat. All this birthday  
talk had just been a pretense for wanting to corner him. "I'm fine,"  
he stated shortly, his annoyance just barely concealed.  
  
"Bullshit. You're far from fine and you know it."  
  
"Did Dave put you up to this? Because I don't appreciate..."  
  
"Dave is concerned about you," Kerry interrupted. "But I wanted to  
talk to you. And I'm not going to let you brush me off by saying  
'I'm fine' anymore. I thought maybe you just needed more time to  
heal but you seem to be getting worse, not better. I know that your  
physical scars have healed but I want to know what's going on inside  
of you." She paused, watching as he traced the rim of his glass  
with one finger, seemingly fascinated by its contents. He refused  
to look at her. "We used to be able to talk about all sorts of things,"  
she continued quietly. "I only want to help you. Please let me try."  
  
Kerry fell silent, having tossed the ball into his court. She could  
only wait to see what he would do with it. Much as she wished to,  
she couldn't force him to speak, any more than she could read his mind.  
In order for her or anyone else to help him get through this, he had  
to be willing to open up.   
  
She sat back in her chair, taking slow sips of her beer. A minute  
passed and then two. She began to think that he wasn't ready or was  
simply unwilling to reveal his feelings.  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me, Kerry," he said finally.  
  
She leaned forward slightly, straining to hear him above the rumble  
of conversation from other tables and the noise from the street.  
He was speaking very quietly, continuing to stare into his beer.  
Placing her glass back on the table, she waited to hear more.  
  
"I feel like I've been walking around in a daze the past few months.  
I go to work. I come home. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't.  
I go to bed and then the next day it starts all over again."  
  
"Well, sad as it may seem, that sounds like a pretty familiar scenario.  
You could be describing my life." Kerry spoke in a light-hearted tone  
but for the most part, she was entirely serious. She suspected that in  
a nutshell, that was the routine for many people.  
  
John knew he wasn't expressing himself very well. How could he make  
her understand when he couldn't quite explain it to himself? This was  
something that he had never discussed with his counsellor. For about  
a month after the stabbing, he'd talked regularly with Dr. Sandra Horton,  
a staff psychiatrist at County. They'd spent the majority of their  
time discussing his lingering feelings of guilt over Lucy's death.  
He knew that he would never completely erase those feelings. Part of  
him would always wonder, had he chosen a different course of action  
that fateful day, would Lucy still be alive? It was a question that  
had haunted him relentlessly for a month or so. There had been times  
when he'd been sure the guilt would drive him mad but gradually,  
it was beginning to ease.   
  
And yet there was something else that plagued him. He knew he was  
unhappy but had been avoiding the issue. Sitting here with Kerry,  
he almost felt forced into confronting the root of the problem.  
She had poked a hole into the barrier he'd built up and now it was  
starting to crumble around him. While he felt rather reluctant to  
talk about his true feelings, he also felt some relief by unloading  
his burden.  
  
"I guess I don't feel the same passion for my work anymore. Being a  
doctor used to mean everything to me. It was what I lived for.  
I just don't feel the same way anymore."  
  
"I think that's a natural reaction after what you went through."  
  
"Maybe." John finally raised his eyes to meet Kerry's gaze.  
"It scares me," he confessed. "I'm afraid I've lost the part of  
me that makes me a good doctor. I just..." He struggled to find  
the right words. "I just don't care the way I used to. I've lost  
the edge. And I'm afraid that I'll never get it back."  
  
"You will," Kerry said, trying to assure him as well as herself.  
"Just give yourself time. Maybe you should get away from the ER for  
a while. Take some time off."  
  
He shook his head. "I've taken a month off already. I can't do that."  
  
"That was right after the attack. Back then, you had to concentrate  
on recovering physically. Now you have to heal your soul. It might  
help to be outside of the hospital environment."  
  
John was tempted, he had to admit. But he didn't want to abandon  
his responsibilities. "I don't know..."  
  
"It's ultimately your decision, John. Much as I'd like to, I can't  
force you to take the time off. I can't say that your work is being  
affected. From what I've seen, you seem to be a little more distant  
with your patients but perhaps that's not such a bad thing."  
She hesitated, almost reaching out to touch his hand, hating to see  
him looking so lost. But her hand remained in her lap. "Will you  
at least think about it?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," he murmured.  
  
The waitress came by then and asked if everything was all right.  
Kerry wondered how honest her reply should be. Of course, she only  
smiled briefly, stating that everything was fine, thank you.  
  
The interruption seemed to sever the connection between them and  
they returned to sipping their drinks. Kerry considered whether  
she should pursue the subject further but she didn't want to push  
too strongly. She truly believed that John would benefit from  
a leave of absence. It concerned her more than she had let on  
when he'd talked about losing his passion for his work. She knew  
how important his work was to him so it disturbed her to hear  
him talking like this. She could hear the confusion in his voice;  
could see the beginnings of defeat in his eyes. If he continued  
on in this manner, he would burn himself out. She hoped that   
a break from the hospital would help him regain some perspective.  
  
Seeing that John was looking self-conscious again, she tried to  
steer the conversation to more neutral ground. They chatted for  
another half hour or so before deciding to head home. The air  
had grown a little chilly and Kerry was glad she had brought  
her jacket. Once back in her car, John gave directions on how  
to get to Kevin's apartment. In less than fifteen minutes,  
she pulled in front of the lobby doors.  
  
"Thanks for the beer, Kerry."  
  
"You're welcome. And Happy Birthday. Let me know what you decide  
about the time off."  
  
John nodded, already starting to open the car door. He'd had  
enough discussion for one night and was anxious to escape before  
Kerry had the chance to add anything else. With all that he  
had to ponder, he already anticipated another night of tossing  
and turning before he'd be able to sleep.  
  
Grateful that Kevin was away, he entered the stillness of the  
apartment. He needed this solitude right now. Finding the room  
stuffy from the build-up of heat during the day but not wanting  
to turn on the air conditioning, he opened the main balcony doors.  
The glass panel slid open noiselessly, allowing fresh air to stream in.  
Leaning against the wall and closing his eyes, he breathed deeply,  
filling his lungs to capacity and then exhaling slowly.  
  
He didn't want to think about whether or not he should take a leave.  
That decision could wait until tomorrow. In truth, he didn't want  
to think about anything. But random thoughts kept popping into  
his head. He wondered if his father had even remembered that today  
was his birthday. Had he entered his father's thoughts at all, today?  
He wondered if Kerry had ever gotten another tenant to fill the  
vacancy in her basement. She'd never volunteered the information and  
he'd never asked. He wondered if Lucy was now in a better place.  
  
John's eyes snapped open and he wrapped his arms around himself,  
as if warding off a sudden chill in the air. That thought had snuck  
up on him without warning. He recalled a conversation with her  
in which she'd revealed that she was agnostic. She had never believed  
in God or fate. He, on the other hand, had been raised to believe  
in Him whole heartedly. It would be a grave sin for him to admit that  
he sometimes had his doubts. But after witnessing the things he had  
in the ER, how could he not? Not just the attack on Lucy and himself,  
but the all too frequent acts of violence that human beings committed  
against strangers, family members, children.  
  
A strong gust of wind ruffled his hair, his shirt rippling crisply  
against his skin. He welcomed the cold air. It helped to clear  
his mind. He remained standing there for a long while, continuing his  
train of strange, unconnected thoughts. Only when the exhaustion  
overcame him did he move slowly towards the bedroom. He wondered  
what tomorrow would bring.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There's a prayer for the living and the dying  
There's a prayer to soothe the savage sea  
There's a prayer, it seems for almost everything  
But you haven't got a prayer for me  
And I haven't got a prayer  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	3. Chapter 3

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
As John walked down the long, wide corridor, his shoes made a squeaking  
sound against the polished floor. He adjusted his gait slightly and  
thankfully, the irritating sound abated.  
  
The noise alerted the receptionist to his presence and she raised her  
head as he approached the desk. Her detached smile of professionalism   
quickly deepened into one of genuine warmth. "Hello, John. Good to  
see you again."  
  
"Hi, Mary. Nice to see you too. You're working here now?" The last  
time John had seen her, she'd been working in his father's office.  
  
"Yes. It's been, oh, almost two years now. I'm guessing you're here  
to see Kevin?" Her fingers were already reaching for the phone.  
  
"Good guess. He's not expecting me until later but I just need to see  
him for a minute."  
  
"I'll let him know you're here."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Less than two minutes later, Kevin's smiling face appeared from around  
the corner. "Hey, John! I see you escaped early." He clapped an  
arm around his cousin's shoulder and started leading him down the hall.  
"Come on, I can introduce you to some people."  
  
"Uh, that's really not necessary," John protested.  
  
"Sure it is! I've bragged often enough about the only doctor in our  
family. It's time they met you in person."  
  
While Kevin's eagerness to introduce him to co-workers was sweet,  
John really wasn't in the mood. He blurted out the truth of why he  
was here. "I just came to tell you that I'm not going out with you tonight."  
  
Kevin halted in mid-stride. "Why? Do you have better plans?" He wouldn't  
have minded being stood up for the sake of a woman, but was disappointed  
when John shook his head.  
  
"No. It's just been a really bad day. I won't be much company."  
  
"All the more reason to go out and have some fun, then."   
  
John had always been the serious type but lately, he seemed to have a  
perpetual cloud hanging over him. Kevin was growing concerned and  
he'd hoped that a night out would help to lift John's spirits.  
  
"Kev, you don't have to feel bad about missing my birthday. Kerry took  
me out last night."  
  
"Oh yeah? Well, that's something. What did you do?"  
  
"Just had a drink and talked. It was, um, nice." John winced inwardly,  
realizing how lame that sounded. It was also a blatant lie since nothing  
about the evening had been nice. In retrospect, it probably had done  
him some good to open up to Kerry. But part of him still resented being  
cornered like that.  
  
Kevin uttered a small sigh. "Look, if you really don't want to go out,  
that's fine. But since you're here, I just want you to meet a couple  
of people."  
  
"All right." John's tone reflected his obvious reluctance but he allowed  
Kevin to continue leading the way.   
  
They stepped inside of a spacious, well-lit area that was dominated  
by dark, rich woods and glass. There seemed to be an almost palpable  
buzz in the air as everyone went about their business. Some people  
were talking on the phone while others stood huddled in small groups,  
their voices low but animated.  
  
John wasn't quite sure what Kevin did here. It had something to do  
with finances. He'd once tried to explain it to him, but John knew  
his eyes had started glazing over after a while. Stocks, accounts,  
mergers, money...that world had never appealed to him, much to the  
chagrin of his father and grandfather.  
  
But Kevin genuinely thrived in the business environment and seemed to  
be happy. Unlike John, he got along well with all of the Carters.  
He had a naturally bright and easy-going personality, often acting  
as peacemaker in heated family discussions. He was always the first  
one to defend John's choice of career.  
  
John managed a smile and shook hands with several people. Although no one  
made a direct comment, he could see the intense curiosity in all of  
their eyes. He was the token black sheep of the family. The one who  
refused to take any part in Carter Enterprises. They probably wondered  
what the hell was wrong with him.  
  
Wishing he could duck and hide, he shrouded himself with his polite-but-  
bored mask instead. Years of enduring high-brow societal events had  
enabled him to perfect the illusion. It allowed him to mentally distance  
himself from his surroundings while outwardly maintaining the proper image.  
  
"So you have no interest at all in your grandfather's business?" someone  
finally ventured to ask.  
  
"None at all, I'm afraid," John replied.  
  
"And it's just as well. We already have too many Carters in this place,"  
Kevin quipped. "There's someone else I want you to meet. This way, John."  
He smoothly extricated John from the group and headed towards the back,  
glancing sideways at him. "You really can't wait to get out of here,  
can you."  
  
John made a face, his facade slipping away. "Am I losing my touch and  
becoming obvious?"  
  
"Only to me."  
  
"Sorry, Kev. I'm not feeling too sociable right now." He had his reasons  
but didn't want to reveal them now.  
  
"It won't be much longer, I promise. There's just...oh, she's not in  
her office." Kevin quickly glanced around and then reversed his direction.  
"Just wait here, okay? She's a good friend and I can't let you leave  
without meeting her. I'll be back in a minute."  
  
John sat down on the edge of an empty desk. It was awfully quiet back here.  
Everyone seemed to be converged at the front of the office. Growing restless,  
he stood and wandered a little further down a corridor, stopping to study  
a watercolour painting with swirling pastels.  
  
"Why are you being such a bastard about this?"  
  
"I think I'm being entirely reasonable. You know how important the next  
couple of hours will be."  
  
John couldn't help overhearing the raised voices that floated to his ears  
from a room across the hallway. Common sense told him to retreat before  
he heard any more but his feet remained planted on the floor.  
  
"I would only be gone for half an hour at the most. Maybe less."   
  
A woman's voice. Her tone was controlled but John could still hear the  
layer of frustrated anger underneath.  
  
"Impossible. I need you here."   
  
The man's words were sharp and clipped.  
  
"What if I asked someone to..."  
  
"No! We can't afford to fuck up this deal and you know it. Everyone out  
there is doing their job. I suggest you get back in there and do your share."  
  
John was finally starting to turn away when the woman strode out of  
the room, her eyes immediately connecting with his.  
  
"Can I help you?" she snapped.  
  
Embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping, he could feel the flush staining  
his cheeks. "Sorry, I didn't mean to...I was just waiting for..."  
  
"Dr. Carter!" she suddenly exclaimed.  
  
While stammering his apology, his gaze had been traveling along the floor  
and the wall. Upon hearing his name on her lips, his eyes returned to  
her face. A lovely, somewhat familiar face. He took in the dark brown  
hair that was neatly upswept, save for some loose tendrils. Wide eyes  
of a deep blue stared back at him, mouth slightly parted in confusion.  
  
"Have we met before?"  
  
"I brought my son in to Cook County almost a week ago. You stitched up  
his leg."  
  
"Oh, yes. I remember."  
  
Now he realized why she looked familiar. But at the hospital, she had  
appeared younger, more vulnerable. Now with her carefully applied makeup  
and polished business attire she looked like a completely different person.  
  
"What are you doing here? Wait, I'm such an idiot. I didn't even make  
the connection before. You must be Kevin's cousin."  
  
"That's right. I'm sorry, I don't remember your name."  
  
"Rose Philips."  
  
Although she still looked upset, her demeanor towards him seemed to   
warm considerably. John quickly looked over his shoulder but the hallway  
behind him was still empty. "I was waiting for Kevin to come back.  
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been listening to your conversation. That was  
rude of me."  
  
"It's all right. Let's head back that way. I'm sure he'll find us."  
  
Entering the larger office space once more, Kevin bounded towards them.  
"There you are! You found her before I did."  
  
"You don't even have to introduce us. We already know each other,"   
Rose informed him.  
  
"You do?"  
  
As Rose led them towards her own office, she explained how Joshua had fallen  
and hurt his leg last week. Gesturing for the two men to sit in comfortable  
leather wing chairs, she walked around to her side of the desk and sat down  
heavily. "I suppose I was so worried about Josh, I wasn't thinking clearly.  
I knew John was a doctor, from what you'd told me, but I'd forgotten that he  
worked at County."  
  
"You seem upset, Rose," Kevin commented. "Did you just come out of Adam's office?"  
  
"Yes, that prick." Her eyes flew to John's face. "Sorry to be so blunt."  
  
"No need to apologize," John said, resisting the urge to smile. He didn't  
mind women that spoke their mind and he knew it couldn't be easy to work in  
a male-dominated office.  
  
"Apparently I'm a prisoner here now and can't even leave for half an hour.  
I know I've got some work ahead of me to close the deal but we still have time."  
  
"Why do you want to leave?" Kevin asked.  
  
Rose absently ran one hand through her hair before remembering she'd put  
it up today. More tendrils escaped to curl around her face, adding to  
her harried appearance. "Everything is a complete mess. I got a call  
from Helen five minutes ago. They've gone bankrupt! The daycare center  
is closed and all the kids have been sent home."  
  
"Just like that? No warning at all?"  
  
"Just like that. And to top it all off, there's some kind of family  
emergency so no one can even drive Josh over here. Helen was ready to  
shove him into a taxi but I told her to hold off until I got there myself.  
Now Adam's telling me I can't leave. Maybe I'm over reacting but he's  
only four. He doesn't like strangers and I don't want him in a taxi all  
by himself."  
  
"Maybe I can help," John spoke up. "I wouldn't mind picking him up."  
  
"No, I can't ask you to do that," Rose said quickly.  
  
"You're not asking. I'm offering."  
  
"I should just go anyway and risk getting fired. It would probably  
be a blessing in disguise."  
  
Kevin thought he might know why Rose was hesitant to accept John's offer.  
"John's a stand up guy, Rose. You won't find a more trustworthy person  
on this planet. Let him do it."  
  
Rose turned a thoughtful gaze on John's face. It wasn't his handsome  
features that she focused on, but rather his soft brown eyes. She could  
read a lot from a person's eyes and she sensed nothing but kindness in his.  
  
"Well, I suppose you wouldn't be a complete stranger to him since he  
saw you at the hospital." She was rapidly running out of time. Helen was  
probably calling a taxi right now. Deciding to trust her instincts,  
she reached for the phone.   
  
"Hi Helen, it's me. I've arranged for someone to pick up Josh. His name  
is Dr. John Carter...Well, he'll be leaving in a few minutes so depending  
on traffic...Yes, I realize that. Could you put Josh on the phone, please?...  
Hi sweetie...Yes, I know everyone has gone...No, I can't come myself.  
I wish I could. But listen, do you remember when we went to the hospital  
and you got stitches on your leg?...That's right. Well, that nice man  
Dr. Carter will come to pick you up...Yes, the man who fixed your leg.  
He's going to bring you here so I'll see you soon."  
  
She was hoping they could close the deal earlier than expected so she could  
attend to Joshua when he arrived. If that didn't happen, well, she'd worry  
about it when the time came.  
  
After speaking to Helen once more, Rose hung up the phone. She quickly  
scribbled a note that gave John permission to pick up her son and wrote  
down the address of the center. He assured her that he knew the area well  
and wouldn't have a problem finding the place.  
  
As John got to his feet, Rose came to stand before him. "Thank you for  
doing this, Dr. Carter."  
  
He smiled. "John."  
  
"All right, John. It's very kind of you."  
  
Kevin couldn't help grinning. "Didn't I tell you he's a great guy?"  
  
Why hadn't he thought to introduce the two of them sooner? The goofy  
grin remained, even after John had left.  
  
"Don't get any ideas, Kevin," she warned.  
  
"Who, me?"  
  
Rose just shook her head, even though a small smile played around the  
edge of her lips. Much as she wanted to deny it, she was intrigued.  
No doubt about it.  
  
***************  
  
Helen McCarthy practically thrust the boy towards John. "Here he is.  
Sorry, but I've got to run. I'm late as it is. Bye Josh!"  
  
The door closed with a thud.  
  
Well, at least she had taken a second to ask for some I.D. and read  
Rose's note. He was glad the woman wasn't entirely senseless.  
  
Smiling, John crouched down to the boy's eye level. "Hi, Josh. Do you  
remember me?" The only reply was a slight nod of the head. "How's your  
leg doing?" No response. He noticed the beige coloured paper clutched  
in Joshua's small hand. "What have you got there? Did you draw that?"  
Joshua nodded again, but crushed the paper against his chest, not yet willing  
to share his artistic talent. "Maybe you should put it in your knapsack.  
It's kind of windy today," John suggested.  
  
"No."  
  
A one word reply but that was a start. His back protesting against  
the movement, he stretched to his full height again. Extending  
his arm, he waited until Joshua took hold of his hand. They began to  
walk down the path towards his Jeep.  
  
Joshua suddenly pulled away from him with a cry of alarm. John looked up  
to see the drawing fluttering upwards on a puff of wind, the paper turning  
over and over in the air. Joshua started to run after it but John had  
faster reflexes. After several misses, he snatched the paper from mid-air.  
  
"Got it!" He came back to Joshua's side. "Think we should put it in  
your knapsack now?"  
  
The boy's eyes were still round from the excitement of the dramatic act  
and all he could manage was another nod. John folded the sheet in half  
and undid the zipper, noting the bag had a picture of the only Pokemon  
character he could recognize. The yellow guy.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
The words were uttered so quietly, John almost failed to hear them.   
Almost. "You're welcome, Josh."  
  
***************  
  
The flurry of activity in the office seemed to have increased by tenfold  
when John returned with Joshua in tow. The boy half-hopped and half-skipped  
down the aisle. People were so engrossed in their tasks, few of them  
even noticed him as he weaved around desks and chairs.   
  
Upon entering the office, Joshua had tugged so insistently on his hand  
that he'd practically had no choice but to let go. But the kid had seemed  
to know exactly where he was going, so John had allowed it.  
  
John had a brief moment of concern when he lost sight of the child around  
a corner, but he soon heard an exuberant voice. "Hi Mommy!"  
  
"Hi there! Where's Dr. Carter?"  
  
"Right here."   
  
John rested against the doorframe as Rose came around her desk. Leaning down  
to give Joshua a hug, she flashed a smile that encompassed both John and her son.  
  
"Guess what? My picture went in the sky but the doctor catched it. He put  
it in my knapsack 'cause it's windy."  
  
"Well, that was very good of Dr. Carter." Straightening up again, she said,  
"I hope he wasn't much trouble."  
  
"Not at all. This is the most I've heard him speak."  
  
"He only gets chatty when he's happy, so you must have made quite the impression  
on him."   
  
"Excuse me," stated a brusque, male voice. John turned to look over  
his shoulder as he moved to the side. The man brushed past him with an  
impatient air, his eyes focused on Rose. "Have you called Jenkins yet?"  
  
"No, I said I'd call him in fifteen minutes."  
  
"Make it five. Did you leave to get your son?"  
  
Rose had to clench her teeth together to prevent saying something she'd  
regret. "No, I didn't. Dr. Carter...John, was kind enough to pick him up."  
  
John took an instant disliking to the man that turned towards him, but he  
shook the hand that was offered.   
  
"Adam Harris. I believe we've met before at one of your family functions."  
  
"Sorry, I don't recall." John's face remained impassive, his tone cool.  
  
Adam's insincere smile tightened at the subtle insult. "What brings  
you here, John? Decided to take the plunge into the corporate world  
after all?"  
  
"Hardly. I came by to see Kevin and then thought I could help out Rose by  
picking up her son."  
  
"How sweet." Apparently deciding their conversation was over, Adam faced  
Rose once more, jabbing his finger at her. "Five minutes, Rose. I'm not  
kidding. I want this thing wrapped up in the next twenty minutes."  
  
Without waiting for her to reply, Adam marched out.  
  
"What a charmer," John said dryly.  
  
Rose allowed herself a brief roll of her eyes. "I could think of another  
descriptive word but I'll save it for later." Feeling a tug at the hem  
of her skirt, she looked down. "Yes?"  
  
"I wanna show you my picture."  
  
"I'm sorry, sweetie but I don't have time right now."  
  
"But Mommy..."  
  
"I would love to see your picture, Josh," John interrupted, with a  
surreptitious glance at Rose. "Would you show it to me?"  
  
Appearing uncertain with that suggestion, Joshua looked towards his mother  
for guidance.  
  
"It's okay, Josh. That's a good idea." Rose turned questioning eyes  
towards John. "Are you sure about this? You've already done so much..."  
  
"It's fine. Besides, you'll have this deal wrapped up in twenty minutes, right?"  
  
Rose chuckled. "Right. Thank you again. Oh, if you take a look in that  
bag by the chair, you'll find a couple of books. You can go into the office  
next door. No one's using it. And there's a couch in there."  
  
"All right." John held out his hand towards Joshua and this time,  
without any hesitation, the boy slipped his tiny hand into the much larger one.  
  
***************  
  
Twenty minutes stretched into fifty before Rose was able to collect  
her son. There were still a few minor details to work out, but she'd  
reached her goal of attaining a verbal commitment to this contract.  
That was as far as she could venture with it today and now it was time  
to go home.  
  
Rose stopped short at the sight that greeted her in the next office.   
John was sprawled out on the black leather couch, his head lolled back  
against the cushion. Joshua was snuggled next to him, one arm flung  
on top of John's stomach. Both were fast asleep.  
  
The two of them together made a sweet and peaceful picture. She found  
it surprising that Joshua had taken to John so quickly. Her son was  
so extremely shy, she'd been worried about how he'd react to this man.  
A virtual stranger. But it seemed that John's gentle nature had won  
her son's trust.   
  
"John." She spoke quietly, giving his shoulder a gentle shake.  
"John, wake up." He flinched, his head jerking upwards and his eyes  
snapping open. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."  
  
"It's okay." He winced slightly and reached up to massage the back  
of his neck. "Did everything work out for you?"  
  
"Yeah, it's fine. The account is worth a quarter of a million, so Adam  
is actually pleased for a change." Rose sank down on the couch next  
to Joshua, trying to move lightly so he wouldn't waken.  
  
"I should hope so. I can't believe I fell asleep. I must have been  
more tired than I thought."   
  
After Joshua had proudly shown off his crayon drawing of flowers  
and dinosaurs, they had started reading one of the books. The boy had  
nodded off before the last page had been turned and soon after, John had  
drifted off too. He must have needed the rest more than he'd realized  
because he felt wonderfully refreshed now. Maybe that was all he needed  
to get back into the swing of things. A few good nights of uninterrupted  
sleep. That's what he wanted to believe but truthfully, he knew the  
solution to his problems wouldn't be that simplistic.  
  
"I want to thank you again for what you did today. You really saved  
my life. Of course, being a doctor, you probably hear that all the time."  
  
John smiled at her little joke. "It's always nice to hear anyway.  
But you're welcome. It was no trouble. He's a great kid."  
  
"Yeah, he is." A lock of dark hair had fallen across his closed lids  
and Rose reached out to sweep it away. Joshua wrinkled his nose but  
otherwise, didn't stir. "I just have to figure out what I'm going to  
do tomorrow. I can probably find a babysitter to take him for a few  
days until I find another daycare."  
  
"I could take him tomorrow."  
  
"No, no, I couldn't let you do that. Besides, aren't you working?"  
  
"I'm taking a leave of absence for a while. I don't know for how long."  
John's confession surprised even himself. It wasn't something he had  
intended to talk about but the words seemed to tumble forth of their  
own volition. "I almost killed a patient today. It was a stupid mistake.  
Just a typo, really. I wrote down 50 milligrams of morphine on a patient's  
chart instead of five. Lily, one of the nurses, showed me the chart and  
asked me to change it. She tried to make it seem like it wasn't a big  
deal. That it was just a little mistake. But it was stupid and sloppy  
and I can't just forget it. I've been so distracted at work lately,  
I'm surprised something like this didn't happen sooner. So I walked out,  
even before my shift ended. Told Mark I was taking a leave and that was it.  
And I have no idea when I'm going back. Or *if* I'm going back."  
  
It took a while for Rose to speak and quite honestly, she didn't know what  
to say. Everything that came to mind sounded so trivial. "It sounds like  
you've made the right decision," she said finally. "From what Kevin has  
told me and from what I've witnessed myself, you're an excellent doctor.  
I hope the time away from the hospital helps you."  
  
John was suddenly embarrassed by the depth of what he'd revealed.   
What had he been thinking? He barely knew this woman and here he was,  
pouring out his soul to her. "God, I'm sorry about this. I don't mean  
to dump my problems out on you. I'm sure you didn't want to hear all that."  
  
"It's all right. After all you've done for me today, I certainly don't  
mind lending an ear."  
  
They smiled shyly at each other from across her sleeping child, both aware  
of the close connection that had grown between them in such a short time.  
  
"Hey, you're still here." Kevin popped his head in the doorway and stepped  
into the room. "Nice work today, Rose."  
  
"Thanks. You too."  
  
"Nah, this was your baby, right from the start. I see the little one  
has the right idea." He nodded his head towards Joshua, who was still  
sleeping soundly, and gave a small chuckle. "It's a good thing you  
cancelled on me first, John, because I don't think I would've made it  
out tonight anyway. I'm beat."  
  
John felt a tickling on his stomach and glanced down. Joshua was finally  
starting to wake up. Taking this as a cue to leave, he slowly got to his feet.  
  
"I should get going. If you're leaving soon, I can give you a ride, Kev."  
  
"Thanks, but I drove today."  
  
Rose stood up, almost sorry to see him go. "Well, I'm glad that we  
formally met. Come by any time for a visit."  
  
"Sure." He took the hand that Rose had extended, conscious of the warm  
and slender fingers enveloped in his. Their hands remained clasped together  
for a beat longer than necessary before they broke the contact. He looked  
over at Joshua, who was now sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  
"Bye, Josh."  
  
"Bye," Joshua responded. "Wait! You can have the picture." He hopped off  
the couch to retrieve the drawing that had fallen to the floor.  
  
John accepted it with a smile. "Thanks. I'll hang it up somewhere."  
As Joshua beamed with pride at that statement, he took one final look  
at her. "Goodbye, Rose."  
  
"Bye."  
  
And a moment later, he was gone.  
  
Kevin turned to look at Rose with one raised eyebrow. "Was it my imagination  
or is something going on here?" he asked in a hopeful tone.  
  
"It's your imagination," she replied. But she had sensed something too  
and she truly hoped that it wasn't one-sided. One thing was for certain;  
Kevin needed to receive more frequent visits from his cousin.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	4. Chapter 4

PLEASE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There it was again.  
  
Coming to a halt, John cocked his head to the side. "Did you hear that?"  
He slowly swivelled to his right, almost certain that he'd heard a  
faint scuttling sound.  
  
"Hear what?"   
  
The man standing a few feet away was the picture of wide-eyed innocence,  
though his nervous cough ruined the effect. His sudden coughing fit  
couldn't be an attempt to cover up that suspicious sound, now, could it?  
  
John caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He managed to catch  
a glimpse of something small and black as it scurried underneath the  
refrigerator.  
  
"I thought you said there were no roaches."  
  
Apparently giving up the pretense, the superintendent shrugged, trying to  
downplay the situation. "Hey, every place has 'em, right? I spray the  
building every now and then. No big deal."  
  
Pursing his lips slightly, John only nodded. He mentally scratched  
the place off his list, disappointed yet again. This was the sixth  
apartment he'd looked at in three days and so far, none of them had  
been to his liking. There might have been a time when he would have  
grudgingly shared his living quarters with the unpleasant insect to save  
a few dollars, but he wasn't quite that desperate yet.  
  
Thanking the man for his time, John headed out the door. He had one more  
place that he'd wanted to view today but a quick look at his watch told  
him that he'd run out of time. That is, if he intended to be prompt for  
his lunch with Gamma today.  
  
The day was clear and sunny but not overly hot. Climbing into his Jeep,  
he rolled the windows down on both his side and the passenger side,  
wanting to feel the wind on his face. He paused a moment to fiddle  
around with the radio, turned up the volume and then eased into traffic.  
  
With a bit of a drive ahead of him, his mind started to wander.  
Now that he had the goal of finding an apartment, he was happier than  
he had been on the first day of his leave. Waking up that morning  
and not having a clue as to how he'd spend his time, he'd felt restless  
and discontented. He'd almost picked up the phone to call into the ER  
and say that he'd changed his mind. Most of the morning had been wasted  
watching some mindless TV and then he'd briefly chatted with Kerry.  
She'd called him from work to check on how he was doing and cheerfully  
told him that she was sure this time away from the ER was just what  
he needed. He hadn't had the energy to argue with her and after all,  
this had been his decision. Part of him longed to be back in the thick  
of things, adrenaline pumping through his bloodstream while running a trauma.  
Another side of him was relieved that he didn't have to deal with the  
daily grind; the vomiting, the rectal exams, the uncooperative patients,  
the violence, the heartache.   
  
After talking with Kerry, he'd felt a sudden urge to be outside in the  
open air. And so he'd gone for a walk, no particular destination  
in mind. He'd simply kept moving, one foot in front of the other;  
a smooth, rhythmic motion. When he'd finally stopped to catch his breath,  
he'd found himself in front of an apartment building, a large rental sign  
adorning the unkempt lawn. Without even hesitating, he'd gone inside  
to investigate the place.   
  
That particular building hadn't been suitable, but finding it had once  
again initiated his search for his own living space. As Tammy had not so  
subtly pointed out, he'd more than overstayed his welcome with Kevin.  
While his time there had been enjoyable and had bonded them even more  
closely together as cousins, it was time to move on.  
  
His grandmother had called out of the blue this morning, simply wanting  
to chat. She'd started doing that, ever since the stabbing; a phone call  
every two weeks or so. Although it made him feel a twinge of guilt,  
he couldn't help feeling slightly suspicious for the duration of each call,  
wondering when she was going to get to the heart of the matter. What did  
she really want? Phone calls from Gamma in the past had usually been  
reserved solely for official family business, not idle chatter. But she  
appeared to be trying to reach out to him and he appreciated the effort.  
  
When she'd suggested that they should get together for lunch sometime,  
he'd blurted out that he was available today. He'd almost bit his tongue  
afterwards but she'd immediately invited him up to the house.  
  
John drove down familiar streets until he finally turned onto the long,  
winding driveway lined with old oak trees. Sunlight filtered through the  
leafy branches, casting random patterns of light and shade as he passed  
underneath the foliage. He had fond memories of warm summer days spent  
here as a child. Any family gatherings had always been held at his  
grandpartents' estate. While the adults had gone about their business,  
the children had played together. This area among the trees and the large  
expanse of grass on either side of the driveway had been well utilized for  
games of tag. After wearing themselves out, they'd often lied down on  
the lawn, the blades of grass tickling bare skin. Sometimes they would talk  
and other times they'd simply watch the clouds drift by. At least until one  
of them jostled another, shouting, "You're it!" and then they'd be off and  
running again. He used to have such a grand time, especially with Bobby,  
Chase and Kevin. His sister, Emily, would join them on occasion but it was  
more of a novelty for her to play with the other girls. She'd had two  
brothers to contend with on a daily basis at home.  
  
Up until Bobby had become sick, his childhood had been idyllic and carefree.  
He wished he could go back to those days and re-live them again. That was  
the only time in his life that he could recall being truly happy.  
  
After parking the Jeep, he was about to head up the steps to the front  
door when he abruptly changed direction. If he knew his grandmother,   
she would already have lunch set out on the patio deck. Going around the  
back of the house, he let himself in through the gate. Light reflected  
off the pool in pinpoints of sparkling diamonds and he had to squint for  
a moment, even through his sunglasses. The water looked inviting.  
He loved to swim but rarely found the time for it, even with the indoor  
pool in Kevin's building. Maybe he would linger for a while after lunch  
and swim a few laps. He certainly had the time on his hands now.  
  
"John, what brings you by?"  
  
A little startled by the sudden voice, John turned away from the pool to  
find his grandfather standing there in swimming trunks, a blue robe draped  
over one arm.  
  
"Gamma invited me over for lunch. How are you, sir?"  
  
"I'm very well," Laird Carter replied crisply, tossing his robe over a  
nearby chair. "And you?"  
  
"Fine, thanks."  
  
Having exchanged the necessary pleasantries, the two men lapsed into an  
awkward silence. Their relationship had never been an easy one and the  
gulf between them had only grown wider over the years. John had always  
been rather intimidated by his grandfather's stern, unsmiling nature,  
especially as a child. Luckily, it had been easy enough to steer clear of  
him back then. But as he'd gotten older, Laird had tried to perk his  
interest in Carter Enterprises. John had known early on that he wanted to  
be a doctor but he hadn't had the courage to voice his convictions until  
much later. In fact, his announcment that he had been accepted into medical  
school had come as a shock to everyone except Gamma, whom he'd secretly  
confided in. His choice of medicine over the family business had been a  
slap in the face to Laird and he'd never gotten past it. They remained  
civil with each other, but John had long ago abandoned hope of receiving  
any kind of affection from his grandfather.  
  
Millicent Carter's low and somewhat gravelly voice broke the stillness  
of the air. "I wasn't expecting to see you, Laird. Can you join us for lunch?"  
  
He gave a curt shake of his head. "No, I have a lunch meeting in forty minutes.  
I just wanted to have a brief swim to clear my head."  
  
John watched him walk towards the diving board, noting that he was in  
impressive physical shape for a man in his sixties. After stepping onto  
the board, Laird paused for a moment, as if focusing his energy. He then  
sprang into mid-air, executing a clean dive that barely disturbed the  
water's smooth surface.  
  
"It's good to see you, John. Sit down and we'll have some iced tea."  
Millicent was already reaching for the glass pitcher as she spoke,  
giving him a warm smile.  
  
They sat down in the shade of the large umbrella and made small talk for  
a while, their sentences punctuated by the occasional splash from the pool.  
Millicent noticed that John's gaze kept straying towards the water.  
"Did you want to take a swim before lunch?" she asked.  
  
The eyes that darted back to her face clearly reflected his eagerness.  
"You don't mind? I don't want to keep you waiting."  
  
"It's all right. I still have to prepare the salad and there's a phone call  
I can make in the meantime. You go on. There should be spare swimming trunks  
in the change room."  
  
Gulping down the remainder of his tea, he got to his feet. "Thanks, Gamma.  
I'll make it a quick one."  
  
He headed towards the change room, which was really a small building divided  
into two sections; one for women and one for men. Extra bathing suits and  
trunks in various sizes were stored there for guests. There was even a  
built-in washroom to prevent wet feet from traipsing throughout the house.  
  
When John emerged, he found himself alone on the deck, his grandfather  
nowhere in sight. Happy to have the pool all to himself, he dove in  
without hesitation, immediately feeling energized by the slick coolness  
against his skin. As he concentrated on cutting through the water with sure,  
smooth strokes, the outside world faded away until his mind was trouble-free  
for the first time in months.  
  
***************  
  
Millicent watched in bemusement as John wolfed down his hamburger. He was  
working on his second one and showed no signs of slowing down. It seemed  
the swim had done him some good, at least giving him an appetite. She hadn't  
seen him in about six weeks and he obviously had lost some weight. He simply  
wasn't taking care of himself.  
  
"More iced tea?" she offered.  
  
He wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, swallowing before  
he replied, "Sure, thanks."  
  
Wordlessly, she handed him a napkin before refilling his glass and he grinned  
at her. The mischieveous glint in his eye reminded her of how he'd been as  
a little boy. He'd been quiet and shy but had still managed to get himself  
into some scrapes. Nothing too serious, but his boundless curiosity had  
sometimes gotten his nose into places it didn't belong. Like the time he'd  
found that beehive and brought it into the house...  
  
Her thoughts returned to the present as John let out a not-so-discreet burp.  
  
"John!"  
  
"Excuse me." He smiled a little sheepishly. "I think I ate too fast."   
  
"Ate? That was more like inhaling."  
  
Chuckling, he leaned back in his chair, having consumed everything on  
his plate. "Sorry. Guess I was really hungry."  
  
"It's all right. I'm glad you worked up an appetite. I was a little  
surprised that you were able to come today. Is it your day off?"  
  
Thrown off by the sudden switch in topic, John stumbled over his words.  
"Uh, yeah, sort of."  
  
"Sort of?"  
  
His mind racing, he debated on how truthful he wanted to be. He didn't  
want to lie and really saw no reason to. But neither did he want to go  
into great detail of why he was taking a leave of absence. He decided  
to speak as casually as possible. "I'm taking some time off from work.  
Just for a little while."  
  
One of Millicent's eyebrows arched upwards at this news. "Oh?  
Any particular reason?"  
  
John consciously focused on not squirming in his chair, uncomfortable under  
his grandmother's scrutiny but trying to mask it with forced nonchalance.  
"I haven't had a break since my summers off in med school. I just need  
a little 'R and R'."  
  
"I see."  
  
He braced himself for further questioning but she said nothing further  
on the subject. Calmly sipping her drink, she began telling him about  
some of the renovations she had planned for the house.  
  
Mildly surprised that Gamma hadn't pressed him for more details, he was  
relieved, nonetheless. Funny how he'd opened up to Rose Philips  
the other day; someone he didn't even know. Perhaps it was the very  
fact that she was a stranger that had made it so easy to be honest  
with her.   
  
He'd been thinking about Rose quite a bit over the past few days.   
Several times, he'd grabbed the phone, his fingers poised and ready to  
call the office. And each time he'd put the receiver back down again,  
the number pad untouched. He wasn't sure exactly what was holding  
him back. For one thing, he'd been out of the dating loop for such a   
ridiculous amount of time, he felt rusty and awkward. Malucci seemed  
to have a way with the ladies. Perhaps he would give him a call and  
ask him...  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"Hmmm?" John glanced up at Millicent with a blank look.  
  
"I thought I heard you groaning." In the midst of explaining her dilemna  
over whether to paint the smaller guestrooms an eggshell white or  
sandalwood beige, he'd emitted a cross between a moan and a sigh.  
  
"It's nothing," he muttered. Nothing except being horrified that he  
was even considering getting advice from Dave. This was bordering  
on being pathetic as well as desperate. Suddenly feeling restless again,  
he thanked Gamma for lunch and excused himself, stating that he was going  
to take a walk around the grounds.  
  
Millicent could sense that something was troubling him, but she didn't pry.  
It saddened her that they were no longer as close as they had once been,  
but she had no one to blame but herself for that.   
  
Laird had always been a workaholic but she'd assumed that as he got nearer  
to the age where most people considered retirement, he'd at least slow down.  
Instead, it almost seemed he was working harder than ever, keeping a tight  
reign on his company and unwilling to relinquish control. She, in turn,  
had become more involved with her charity work and the Carter Foundation.  
While she'd been aware that John was pulling away from the family, she'd done  
nothing to stop it. And so their relationship had suffered over the last  
few years, growing more distant. She hoped that keeping in more frequent  
contact with him would help to salvage their bond and that it wasn't a  
case of too little, too late.  
  
***************  
  
Millicent bent down, extending her pruning shears to clip at a particularly  
hard-to-reach area of her rose bush. She noticed the yellow ones appeared  
to be doing exceptionally well this season, the blooms large and bright.  
  
"Gamma, there you are!"  
  
She straightened up at the sound of the voice, shading her eyes with one  
hand as John came striding towards her.  
  
"I thought you had left by now," she remarked.  
  
He stopped to catch his breath, a little winded from having searched the  
house for her. After wandering around the top floor, he'd been informed  
by Beth, a new maid he didn't recognize, that Mrs. Carter was tending  
to her garden.  
  
"Is anyone using the carriage house right now?" he asked, hoping he  
would receive the answer he wanted.  
  
"No, it's been at least a year since anyone has used it. Why?"  
  
"Would it be all right if I stayed there? I didn't tell you that I'm  
looking for a place to live. I don't like any of the apartments I've  
seen so far and can't quite afford any of the nicer places I do like.  
It will only be temporary, just a few months. I should be able to save  
up enough to afford a decent place by then."  
  
Millicent held up her hand to stop him in mid-ramble. "Of course you're  
welcome to stay there, John, for as long as you'd like. But I'm somewhat  
surprised that you want to. I seem to recall inviting you to stay with  
us before but you were never interested. What's changed your mind now?"  
  
John searched for an honest answer to this question, knowing his grandmother  
deserved one. When Kerry had asked him to move out, Gamma had been the  
first one to invite him to live at the house. And she had asked him again,  
while he was recovering from the stabbing. Both times he had turned  
her down, not wanting to deal with living with his grandfather on a  
daily basis. But he had never considered the carriage house.  
  
The carriage house was a small building, located on the grounds of the estate.  
It was a two minute walk away from the main house, along a quiet, tree-lined  
path. It had originally been used to store carriages, much like an  
olden-day garage, but it had been converted into a guest house.  
  
He'd forgotten all about the place until he'd stumbled across it during  
his walk. He'd stood there for a while, contemplating that it perfectly  
suited his needs right now. Maybe he'd been spoiled living with Kevin,  
but he'd prefer to stay here rather than enduring an apartment like the  
last one he'd encountered. He didn't make much on a resident's salary  
and even living rent-free for the past few months, he hadn't been able  
to save up as much as he'd hoped. There was always the possibility that  
he'd be offered an attending position next year but considering his  
present state of mind, he wasn't even sure if he'd accept it. He didn't  
know what his future held for him.  
  
Staying here, he'd be able to use all of the facilities at the main house,  
and yet he'd have his privacy too. Just as he'd done when he was a child,  
he would try to avoid his grandfather as much as possible. It would  
make things easier for both of them.  
  
He realized Gamma was still waiting for an answer and he tried to choose  
his words carefully. "When you've asked me to stay here before, you probably  
didn't mean the carriage house. I didn't think of it myself until a little  
while ago. I like the idea of having my own private place, even though  
it's technically part of the estate. I have a lot of good memories here."  
  
Millicent nodded, her expression thoughtful. Though she didn't outwardly  
show it, she was pleased by his decision. It was comforting to know  
her grandson would be nearby.  
  
***************  
  
"Yes, that would be lovely. No, no, you haven't interrupted me at all.  
Seven o'clock. That sounds fine. I'll see you then. Yes, I look forward  
to it too. Bye."  
  
Rose hung up the phone. The conversation had been short, and yet it had  
left her somewhat breathless. Despite the air conditioning, her cheeks  
felt flushed and she had the sudden urge to giggle. *Good Lord, get a   
grip on yourself* she thought sternly.  
  
"Rose, you need to take a look at this report...What's going on?"  
  
She turned an unfocused gaze to Kevin's questioning glance as he stood  
in the doorway of her office. "What did you say?"  
  
Stepping into the room, he said, "You're grinning like the Cheshire cat."  
  
"Am I?" Clearing her throat, she shuffled some papers around on her desk.  
She looked up to find Kevin still staring at her, a puzzled smile on   
his face. "I...that was John, on the phone."  
  
"He asked you out!" Kevin crowed.  
  
"Keep your voice down," Rose admonished, her smile fading. While she   
was still happy, she felt the nervous butterflies already taking flight.  
At this rate, she'd be a complete wreck by Friday night.  
  
He lowered his voice a notch, perching on the edge of her desk.  
"So when are you going? Where is he taking you? Am I invited to  
your wedding?"  
  
Rose felt her flush deepening. "You're funny. It's just dinner and  
it's only a first date. It probably won't go any further than that."  
  
"No, I've got a feeling about this. You two are made for each other.  
Now, about this report..."  
  
Rose held back a sigh, knowing she'd have to force herself to concentrate  
on business. She had considered calling John numerous times but had  
held back, managing to convince herself that the connection they'd seemed  
to share had only been in her mind. Now that he had asked her out,  
it appeared he had felt something too. But despite Kevin's words,  
she didn't want to get her hopes up. Having them crushed too many times  
in the past had taught her to be cautious. After all, a broken heart  
could only be mended so often until it was unable to become whole again.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	5. Chapter 5

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Song Title: Sleepless  
Lyrics by: Jann Arden   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Four billion people surround us  
So many souls lose their way  
All that we have is each other  
And that's all I ever wanted  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
God was trying to tell her that this was just not meant to be.  
  
Rose continued to stare at the page in her address book, willing the name  
of an available babysitter to jump out at her. Her regular sitter,  
Wendy, had bailed at the last minute, leaving Rose to frantically try  
all the others she had listed in her book. A hopeless case at 6:45  
on a Friday evening.  
  
What should she do? She didn't know how to get in touch with John.  
The only plans they'd made were to meet at Angelo's, an Italian  
restaurant they both liked.  
  
The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that this  
was a sign from above. What had she been thinking? She was insane  
to even consider getting involved with someone from the Carter family.  
  
"Mommy, what's wrong?"  
  
Rose forced herself to smile as Joshua approached her, a troubled  
expression on his little face. He placed a comforting hand upon her knee.  
  
"Nothing's wrong, sweetie."  
  
"You look sad."  
  
"I'm not," she assured him. Getting up from the stool at the kitchen  
counter, she closed the address book with a snap of the wrist.  
"Would you go turn off the TV, please? We're going for a ride."  
  
The only solution she could come up with was to take Josh with her  
to the restaurant, apologize to John, then turn around and come  
back home. Well, perhaps not straight home. She anticipated a stop  
at McDonald's along the way.  
  
She wondered if she should go upstairs and change. It had taken her  
the better part of the day to run through a mental inventory of her  
clothes, trying to decide what to wear on this first date. She'd managed  
to narrow it down to two choices and had planned to try both of them  
out after coming home. Upon rummaging through her closet, she'd realized  
that one of the potential outfits was at the dry cleaners. And so she'd  
slipped on the red, sleeveless dress that was modestly cut but made of  
a soft material that seemed to float when she walked. She never failed  
to feel utterly feminine in this dress.  
  
Now that she'd be meeting John only to cancel their plans, she felt  
rather silly being all dressed up. But she would rather feel foolish  
than keep him waiting any longer than he had to.  
  
The decision made, she grabbed her purse and called out to Joshua,  
telling him to hurry.  
  
***************  
  
Absently realizing that he was drumming one finger in a continuous beat  
on the tablecloth, John withdrew the hand onto his lap. His other hand  
gripped a tall glass and raising it to his lips, he drained the last of  
the beer.  
  
The day had been tiring and he was finally starting to unwind and relax.  
Since Gamma had mentioned that no one had stayed in the carriage house  
for over a year, he'd anticipated it would require major labour to  
make it liveable again. He'd been wrong. Walking in the door with an  
armful of rags and cleaning solutions, he'd found the place practically  
spotless. Gamma obviously had one of the staff maintaining it on a  
regular basis for use at a moment's notice.  
  
Kevin kept insisting that there was no rush to vacate his apartment but  
now that the decision had been made, John wanted to move on as quickly  
as possible. He'd spent the better part of the day packing up his  
belongings into boxes. While he didn't have a huge amount of stuff,   
it certainly wouldn't fit into his Jeep. Luckily, one of the building  
managers had been kind enough to offer the use of his pickup truck.  
John figured a couple of trips with the truck would get the job done.  
That was the plan for tomorrow morning.  
  
John's gaze wandered around the busy restaurant and he ignored the  
compelling urge to check his watch again. He guessed that five minutes  
had passed since he'd last looked at the time. She was just late,  
that's all. No need to be worried. And yet he couldn't help hearing  
the little internal dialogue in his head.  
  
Maybe he was being stood up. No, she wouldn't do that to him. Would she?  
She'd probably changed her mind. Perhaps Kevin had told her some horror  
stories about him. Maybe she'd been in an accident.  
  
"I am so, so, sorry I'm late!"  
  
John blinked, looking up to find her there before him; a lovely vision  
of vibrant red and upswept curls. He responded to the earnest and  
apologetic expression on her face with a smile, rising to his feet.  
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're here. Have a seat." Gesturing towards  
the chair, he spotted Joshua peeking out from behind her legs.  
  
Before he could make a comment, Rose rushed into an explanation. "My sitter  
cancelled at the last minute and I couldn't find anyone else. I just came  
over here to apologize and let you know what happened. Could we make plans  
for some other time?"  
  
"But you're here now. You weren't thinking of turning around and leaving,  
were you?"  
  
A little taken aback, it took her a second to find her voice. "Well, yes,  
actually. I just assumed, uh, with my son here..."  
  
"You've gotta eat, right? Josh, are you hungry?"  
  
Joshua had ventured out a little further from behind Rose, the index  
finger of one hand worrying his lower lip. In answer to John's question  
he merely nodded, apparently overcome by shyness once again. But he kept  
a steady gaze on John's face, watching his every move.  
  
"Well, that settles it, then," John continued, giving the boy an  
exaggerated wink. He was rewarded with the flash of a dimple and a  
soft giggle. "All we have to do is move to a booth."  
  
"Are you sure? You don't have to do this."  
  
"I want to. That is, if you want to stay."  
  
Rose found herself nodding, responding to the sincerity in John's eyes.  
In the past, other men had tried to use her son to score points with her  
but she'd always seen through their act. Somehow, with John, she had  
no doubt that he meant what he said. He truly wanted them to stay.  
  
"I'd like that very much," she said simply.  
  
***************  
  
As the evening progressed, conversation flowed easily between them.  
They purposely kept the mood light, steering clear of news headlines or  
other distressing topics. Instead, they shared funny work-related stories  
and discussed some likes and dislikes. They soon realized, with some  
amusement, that they didn't seem to have much in common on the surface.  
He was partial to beer while she preferred white wine. He loved jazz  
music while she maintained that all jazz sounded the same to her.  
He enjoyed swimming and horseback riding. She was more inclined to sink  
than swim, having always been afraid of the water. And the nearest  
she'd come to sitting on a horse was, well, never.  
  
It soon became an impromptu game to try to find some mutual interests  
and Joshua was delighted to join in.  
  
"I like pizza!" he piped up, waving the evidence in the air with one hand;  
a half-eaten slice. "Mommy likes pizza too. Do you like pizza?"  
  
"Yes, I do," John replied, chuckling at the boy's contagious enthusiasm.  
It hadn't taken long for Joshua to become comfortable with him again and  
now he was a regular chatterbox.  
  
"Ahh, but what do you like on your pizza? You do realize this could be  
the deciding factor in whether or not our relationship progresses,  
so I would choose wisely." Swirling her fettuccine around on the fork  
before popping it into her mouth, Rose grinned at him.  
  
John pretended to look perturbed. "Gee, no pressure or anything."  
He looked over at Joshua, who was now standing on the seat of the booth,  
practically climbing over the table to get his attention.  
  
Rose automatically opened her mouth to tell her son to sit down but then  
closed it again, the words unspoken. She was curious to see what he  
was going to do. Once again, she was amazed at how Joshua was responding  
to John. His usual shyness seemed to melt away in this man's presence.  
  
John leaned across the table to meet the boy halfway. Joshua cupped one  
hand to the side of his mouth, motioning with his other hand for John  
to come closer. Seeing how serious the boy looked, he arranged his  
features in a similarly straight-faced fashion.   
  
"Say you like pepperoni," Joshua whispered, his breath a small puff of  
warmth against John's ear.  
  
John nodded in understanding. "I like pepperoni," he stated, pausing to  
listen to the next bit of coaching. "And mushrooms. And double cheese.  
And little black circles."  
  
He gave Joshua a questioning look after reciting the last item.  
  
"Black olives," Rose translated, amused by her son's antics. Joshua was  
looking quite pleased with himself.  
  
"Right. Well, do I pass the test?"  
  
"With flying colours. Maybe we have more in common than we realize."  
  
"I think you're right."   
  
Their gazes met and held for a moment, their smiles mutual.   
  
The waiter approached the table and asked if they'd like dessert.  
Joshua promptly announced that he liked chocolate cake and that Mommy  
liked it too. Did John like cake?   
  
Stating that he did indeed like cake, John ordered two pieces; one for  
himself and one for Rose and Joshua to share. After half-heartedly  
protesting that she was much too full, she ended up eating most of  
the decadent dessert. Joshua was contented with a few nibbles.  
  
Rose was almost disappointed when the waiter presented them with the bill.  
It had been a long time since she'd had such an enjoyable time on a date.  
She didn't want the night to end.  
  
They each held one of Joshua's hands as they slowly walked towards the  
parking lot. Having talked almost non-stop throughout dinner, they were  
now enveloped in silence. Joshua had also grown quiet; a sign that he  
was becoming tired. Although the sky was beginning to darken, there was  
still enough light to see clearly. There were a few other couples  
strolling by hand-in-hand, but none of them had a child between them.  
  
Stopping at the edge of the lot, Rose turned to face John. "Thank you  
for asking us to stay. I had a wonderful time. And so did Josh."  
  
"I had a great time too."  
  
"Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?"  
  
Judging by the slight widening of his eyes, she had surprised him.  
And she imagined her face had an identical look because she couldn't  
believe those words had popped out of her mouth. She *never* invited  
men back to her home on a first date.  
  
"That would be nice," John replied. He watched her carefully, sensing her  
hesitation. "Are you sure?" He found himself echoing the same question  
that she had asked at the restaurant.  
  
"I just thought we could talk some more. I...I don't want to give you  
the wrong idea..." As her voice trailed off, she fervently hoped the fading  
light was making the redness of her cheeks less visible. But as she raised  
her eyes to meet John's, she could have sworn she saw the hint of a flush  
on his face as well.  
  
"I'd like to come by. As long as you're not all talked out."  
  
She shook her head. "Not at all. You?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Joshua tugged on their hands, the beginnings of a whine in his voice.  
"Mommy, let's go."   
  
They began moving again and Rose steered them towards her car. She gave  
John general directions on how to get to her house and he agreed to follow  
behind her in his Jeep. Traffic was fairly light so he had no problems  
keeping up with her. Twenty minutes later, he was pulling into the driveway.  
  
Rose had the car door wide open and was leaning across the passenger seat  
when John came around to her side. "Need some help?" he asked.  
  
She had removed Joshua's seat belt and was struggling slightly, trying to  
gather him up in her arms. He had fallen asleep on the ride home and was  
now in that that transitional state of being conscious but not yet fully  
awake. In her awkward position, she was finding it difficult to lift him up.  
  
"Could you, please," she finally relented.  
  
John easily hoisted the boy against his shoulder, and a pair of arms reached  
up to encircle his neck. Trailing behind Rose, he entered the house and  
waited while she turned on a couple of lamps. She led the way up a flight  
of stairs and he followed her into a small bedroom painted sky-blue.  
While she rummaged around in a drawer, he gently laid Josh on the bed,  
kneeling down to remove his shoes.  
  
Joshua blinked at him sleepily. "I didn't brush my teeth," he murmured.  
  
"It's okay. You can brush them in the morning," Rose said, placing neatly  
folded pyjamas beside him.   
  
John stepped back, watching as Rose quickly changed her son into his  
dinosaur patterned sleepwear. She worked smoothly, finishing the job in  
no time all. Placing a well-loved teddy bear into his waiting arms,  
she kissed his cheek, touching her nose to his. "Goodnight, little one."  
  
"'Night, Mommy."  
  
Before leaving the room, she flicked on the small nightlight by the  
door and gently closed it behind her. She glanced up at John to find  
him staring at her with a wistful expression. "What?" she asked softly.  
  
He shook his head, uttering a slightly embarrassed laugh. "It's nothing.  
I was just remembering what it was like to be tucked in at night. It used  
to make me feel so safe and loved."  
  
Rose could see the flickering emotions in his eyes. There was a depth  
of pain and sadness there that made her heart go out to him. Part of  
her wanted nothing more than to place her arms around him and tell him  
everything was going to be all right. But she held back. She sensed  
that John was a private person and didn't want to make him uncomfortable.  
  
Making their way back downstairs, she led him into the living room.  
"What would you like to drink?" she asked, rattling off a few choices.   
  
"Coffee sounds good."  
  
"Regular or decaf?"  
  
"Um, it doesn't really matter. I haven't been sleeping much anyway."  
  
"All right. Just make yourself at home. You can put on a CD, if you   
keep the sound low. Josh is a heavy sleeper anyway."  
  
As Rose headed towards the kitchen, John took a moment to look around.  
The house was fairly small but from what he'd seen, it was tastefully  
decorated and had a cozy feeling. It seemed like more of a true home  
than the vast grandeur of his grandparents' house where most items were  
to be admired but not touched.  
  
Almost tripping over the remains of one of Joshua's Lego creations,  
he carefully stepped around the tiny pieces. Perusing the tall CD tower  
that was filled to capacity, he was rather surprised by the eclectic range  
of music he found. No jazz, he wryly noted, but everything else from rock,  
to country, to classical and opera. Trying to decide on a selection,  
the only one he could rule out was 'Barney's Greatest Hits'. He hoped  
that one belonged to Josh.  
  
"Coffee will be ready in a few minutes." Rose came to stand beside him.  
"What did you pick out?"  
  
"Nothing, yet. Too many choices."  
  
"Perhaps I can make a suggestion, then." She bent down to remove one  
near the bottom of the tower. "I always find classical to be relaxing.  
How about a violin concerto?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
The sweet strains of the stringed instrument soon filled the air and  
Rose adjusted the volume, turning it down a bit. She kicked off her shoes  
before settling down on the couch, curling one leg beneath her. John kept  
some distance between them, but sat down so he was turned towards her.  
They said nothing for a while, simply enjoying the music.  
  
"This sounds familiar," he finally stated. "I think Gamma used to listen  
to it."  
  
She had to ask. "Gamma?"  
  
"Uh, yeah, it's what I've always called my grandmother. A nickname, I guess."  
  
"So your grandfather is Gampa?"  
  
John almost choked with laughter at the thought. He took a second to  
compose himself. "No, I'm a little more formal with him. Grandfather is  
Grandfather."  
  
Rose thought that she much preferred to see his eyes crinkle with humour  
than be clouded with the sadness she'd glimpsed earlier; even if it was  
only for a moment. "Kevin mentioned that you're moving out of his place  
and staying with your grandparents."  
  
"Yeah, I'm just getting organized. I'll be doing that tomorrow."   
  
He told her a little about the carriage house and what the Carter estate  
was like. Listening intently, she then asked how he'd been spending his  
time away from work. He described his futile search for an apartment  
and how that had led him to his decision to stay at the guest house.  
  
Rose settled back into the couch, propping her chin against her hand.  
"Well, I've probably asked you enough questions for one night.  
Sorry, I don't mean to pry so much."  
  
"That's okay. I find it easy to talk to you. I want to talk to you,"  
he admitted. Strange but true. At a time when he was pushing others away,  
he wanted to let her in. He felt drawn to her in an inexplicable and  
powerful way.  
  
"You must have some questions for me. There's an obvious one that I'm  
surprised you haven't asked yet." With most men she'd dated, that question  
had always been a forerunner.  
  
"Where is Joshua's father?"  
  
"That's the one." She looked down, brushing at a wrinkle in her dress.  
"It's not a secret, but I don't always tell the truth," she confessed.  
"If I find the guy's a real jerk on the first date, I sometimes say I'm  
married and that my husband is insanely jealous. That usually avoids  
any mention of a second date."  
  
"And what version of the truth will you tell me?" John asked quietly.  
  
She didn't answer right away. Not many people knew the whole story of  
Joshua's father. But before long, she found herself talking about how  
she'd met Geoff Alliston in college. She'd been mesmerized by his charm  
and the way that he'd doted on her, attending to her every want and need.  
It hadn't taken long for her to fall completely in love with him and  
along with having classes together, they'd spent their nights together too.  
  
She'd never been concerned that he drank heavily. All her college friends  
had drank and partied back then. She'd also failed to notice that  
Geoff's temper seemed to change when he'd been drinking. Didn't most  
people get a little moody after tossing back a few?  
  
"So basically I was young and stupid and couldn't see what was happening  
in front of my face. When I got pregnant, I was actually ecstatic.  
I envisioned the two of us getting married and living happily ever after.  
But Geoff didn't react quite the way I expected. He totally lost it.  
He beat me up so badly I ended up in the hospital. I was lucky that I  
didn't lose the baby because he'd managed a good kick to the stomach too."  
  
Enough years had passed that she was able to relate most of this saga  
in a calm and controlled way. But even now, when she thought of how  
close she had come to losing Josh, an involuntary shudder ran through her.  
  
Taking a breath, she continued on, her gaze focused on her lap. "He came  
to visit me in the hospital. Told me he'd been drunk and out of control  
and that he hadn't meant to hurt me. Can you believe that?" She uttered  
a short, humourless laugh. "He begged me to forgive him but I refused  
to have anything to do with him. I dropped out of college and disappeared  
for a while. At first, I was afraid that he would try to find me but he  
left me alone. I was lucky to have great friends that helped me out while  
I was pregnant and after Josh was born."  
  
"And where is Geoff now?"  
  
As John asked the question, he was surprised his voice sounded so normal.  
He felt a mixture of emotions right now, the predominant one being fury  
against the man who had hurt her so terribly. Working in the ER,  
he'd treated far too many women who'd been abused by the men in their lives.  
While it had never failed to raise his protective instinct, he'd never  
felt it as strongly as he did now. He had no doubt that he would do serious  
harm to Geoff Alliston if they were ever in the same room together.  
  
"He's dead," Rose replied bluntly. "I never saw him again but I heard  
that it was accidental. He was at a party with friends by the lake.  
Drinking was involved, of course, and somehow he drowned. I never got  
all the details."  
  
Silence stretched between them once more, and Rose found it difficult to  
look John in the eyes. She wasn't sure what she would find there.  
When she felt the warmth of his hand covering hers, she finally had  
the courage to meet his gaze.  
  
"I think you're one of the strongest women I know." He spoke quietly and  
from the heart.  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"You are. And to have raised such a terrific son by yourself is a real  
credit to you."  
  
She allowed herself a tiny smile. "He is great, isn't he. I thank God  
everyday for giving me that child."  
  
John began stroking her hand with the pad of his thumb, the slight roughness  
of it a contrast against her silky skin. He imagined how his other hand  
would feel at the nape of her neck, entangled within the smooth, dark curls.  
He unconsciously began to lean towards her, an invisible magnet pulling  
him closer.  
  
Rose watched his thumb trace a pattern over the back of her hand, circling  
above her knuckles and down again. How could she possibly get such a  
feeling of delight over something so simple? Looking back up into his  
eyes was a mistake. One could easily get lost in those deep brown depths.  
Besides, hadn't she been the one who had said they were only going to talk?  
Her breath caught in her throat as he bent towards her.  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
It took her a split second to react as her son's voice penetrated the fog.  
She recognized that tone. He must have awoken from a nightmare.  
  
Withdrawing her hand with regret, she went to the foot of the stairs.  
Joshua peered down at her from between the railings above, hugging his  
bear tightly. "Did you have a bad dream?" At his affirmative nod, she said,  
"Go back to bed, sweetie. I'll be there in a minute."  
  
"I think this is my cue to leave."  
  
Rose turned to look at John. "Sorry. Bad timing. And you know what else?  
I forgot the coffee."  
  
"Guess I'll have to take a raincheck." He smiled and then grew serious.  
"Rose, I'd like to see you again."  
  
*Me too* The words resounded in her head but she didn't respond immediately.  
  
He could almost hear the seconds ticking away. "Rose?" Her extended silence  
started to worry him. Was it possible she didn't feel the same way?  
  
Giving her head an almost imperceptible shake, she gave him a reassuring smile.  
"Yes, I'd like that." From the concerned look on his face, she could see he  
was doubting her sincerity. Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek.  
"Thank you for being such a good listener, John. And truly, I do want to  
see you again."  
  
After saying goodnight, she closed the door and locked the bolt, her mind  
a jumble of scattered thoughts. *What have I gotten myself into?* she fretted.  
  
"Are you coming, Mommy?"  
  
"I'm coming," she called out.   
  
She would worry about it later. Right now, she had to concentrate on  
chasing away the bad demons that sometimes invaded the dreamworld. She only  
wished the evils of the real world could be frightened away as easily.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Give me all your disappointments  
I'll give you my secrets  
We could lay our heads down  
Or be forever sleepless  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	6. Chapter 6

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Millicent delicately placed her hand within the one that was outstretched  
towards her and stepped out of the limousine.  
  
"Thank you, Fred," she acknowledged, giving the driver a brief smile.  
  
"Will you be going out again later today?" Fred inquired.  
  
"I don't believe so. You may take the car back to the garage."  
  
"Yes, Madame." After touching the brim of his hat with his fingertips,  
Fred turned away to park the limo.  
  
Standing at the edge of the curb, Millicent took a moment to inhale deeply,  
enjoying the warmth of the sun on her skin. It really was a lovely day.  
A pleasant breeze was blowing and she could detect a hint of fragrance  
from her rose garden, even from this far away.  
  
"Hi, Gamma."  
  
She looked to the source of the voice, finding her grandson striding  
towards her. Although he'd been living at the carriage house for a full  
week now, she hadn't seen much of him. He'd been keeping a low profile.  
As he came closer, she noticed that he was developing a nice tan.  
He still appeared to be on the thin side, but hopefully this 'R and R'  
away from the hospital would do him some good. And perhaps it was  
already having an effect on him. He seemed to have more bounce to his  
step today.  
  
"Hello, John. You're looking well. If I didn't see your Jeep parked  
here now and then, I wouldn't even know you were living here."  
  
Obviously she was implying that she didn't see enough of him, and John  
felt a sliver of guilt as he stood before her. "I've been pretty busy,"  
he murmured.  
  
"Well, I'm glad I ran into you. I just spoke to your parents last night  
and they're coming back from Germany this weekend. I'm planning a dinner  
for Sunday night. I do expect you to be there." Her tone left no room  
for argument.  
  
Somehow, he managed to suppress a sigh. "What time?"  
  
"Eight o'clock."  
  
Promising to be there, he kissed his grandmother's cheek and climbed  
into the Jeep. He was doubly glad now that he had made plans to see  
Rose tomorrow night. At least he had something to look forward to  
for the weekend.  
  
***************  
  
"Don't get me wrong. I'm flattered you asked me out." Kevin gave her  
a teasing smile, swallowing a mouthful of salad. "But I've been curious  
all day. What's this all about?"  
  
Rose stabbed a wedge of tomato with her fork, clearly distressed. Kevin's  
attempt at humour wasn't helping to lighten her mood. Earlier today  
at work, she had asked him to have dinner with her. She needed his advice.  
  
"I have a problem, Kevin. I like John. I mean I really, really like him."  
  
"That's great! Why would that be a problem?"  
  
Exhaling noisily, Rose put her fork down, the tomato still stuck to the end.  
"You know why! This could never work between us. I shouldn't have gone  
out with him the first time. And now I can't believe I'm going out with  
him again tomorrow."   
  
It had been a difficult decision; one that she'd mulled over for most  
of the week. But she'd decided to turn down any offer of a second date  
when and if John called. And then he *had* called. And her resolve had  
melted the second she'd heard his rich, mellow voice over the phone.  
Before her brain had caught up to her mouth, she'd agreed to see him  
again on Saturday night.  
  
"I think you're worrying over nothing, Rose."   
  
"It's not nothing and you know it." She watched as Kevin continued to  
calmly crunch on his salad, his gaze steady and unperturbed. It was  
in direct contrast to her bundle of nerves. She didn't think she could  
eat another bite. "I've got to tell him the truth," she said abruptly.  
  
Her announcement gave him pause and he too placed his fork down.  
"And what purpose would that serve?"  
  
"It would ease my conscience, for one thing. I don't like secrets."  
  
"You have nothing to feel guilty about, therefore your conscience  
doesn't need easing," Kevin stated firmly. He then softened his tone.  
"It happened a long time ago, Rose, and it had nothing to do with you.  
Look, I know John pretty well. Very well, in fact. Even if he knew  
the truth, he wouldn't care. But right now, John is living with someone  
who would care very much."  
  
She grimaced slightly. "Your grandfather."  
  
"You know it. We've managed to keep things under wraps for this long.  
Why spill the beans now?"  
  
"Why do you seem so keen on the idea of John and I being together?"  
Rose countered.  
  
Kevin hesitated before answering, his expression thoughtful. "Because  
you both deserve happiness but neither of you have found the right  
person yet. Even though you won't admit it, there's a void in your life.  
And in John's life too. Just give this a chance. I think you'll be  
good for each other. I really do."  
  
Rose was touched by his simple, heartfelt speech. It gave her hope  
that maybe this wouldn't be a total disaster after all. Besides,   
this would only be their second date, not a lifetime commitment.  
They might even find that they weren't as compatible as they'd first  
thought and end it right there. Anything was possible.  
  
She would just have to keep an open mind.  
  
***************  
  
The doors of the movie theatre opened and a throng of people headed for  
the exit. Rose walked alongside John, both continuing to chuckle over  
the final scene. The comedy had been a good choice. Neither of them  
had been in the mood for a noisy action film or a teary drama.  
  
Earlier, they'd gone to an Indian restaurant for dinner. John had never  
had that type of cuisine before, so Rose had introduced him to her  
favourite dishes. He'd taken a liking to the various appetizers, curries,  
rice and bread. One of the sauces had been so hot and spicy, he'd choked  
on it and promptly drained an entire glass of water. Rose had laughed  
at him, stating it wasn't any good unless it made you cry.  
  
Driving home now in the Jeep, they were fairly quiet. John turned up  
the radio and lowered the window. Rose gazed at the passing sights  
and enjoyed the wind on her face. Feeling very comfortable, she leaned  
her head back and closed her eyes.  
  
John smiled to himself as Rose drifted off to sleep. First her head  
nodded forward until her chin almost touched her chest. Then she  
shifted slightly, her head angling to the left until it came to rest  
against his shoulder. He tried to minimize the movement in that arm  
so he wouldn't awaken her.  
  
He'd been looking forward to seeing her again for days, and he hadn't  
been disappointed. He found her absolutely charming and delightful.  
She had an energy; an inner light that seemed to infuse him as well,  
whenever he was near her. These past few months, he'd almost forgotten  
what it was like to laugh. All of his co-workers attemps to coax him  
out of his shell had only caused him to withdraw even further.  
Being with Rose was a breath of much needed fresh air. What was it  
about her that he found so intoxicating? Perhaps it was the unique  
combination of her strength, her boldness, her gentleness, and her spirit.  
  
John turned into the driveway of her home, grateful that he hadn't  
gotten lost. Shifting into park, he glanced down at the sleeping form  
beside him. She was still oblivious to the world. He gently shook  
her shoulder. "Rose, we're home. Wake up." Getting no response,  
he bent his head closer to her ear. "Rose..."  
  
She jerked her head up suddenly, connecting fully with his nose.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"What...oh, God, I'm sorry!"   
  
"It's okay." His voice was muffled, one hand partially covering his  
mouth as he rubbed his nose.  
  
Rose brought her own hand to her mouth, mortified at what she'd done.  
"Are you sure? It's not broken, is it?" Blinking in the darkness,  
she couldn't see any sign of bleeding.  
  
Pressing tentative fingers over the tender cartilage, he shook his head.  
"No, not broken. Just a little sore." Hearing a quiet giggle, he turned  
to look at her with raised eyebrows. "Oh, you think this is funny?"  
  
Trying to compress her lips tightly together, she managed to say,  
"No, it's not funny." Then the dam broke and she couldn't contain  
her fit of giggles.  
  
Drawn in by the infectious sound, John succumbed to his own bout  
of laughter. His chuckling came to an abrupt halt, however, when he  
felt the heat of the soft, feminine mouth against his own. Caught off  
guard, his eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then closed as he  
surrendered to the moment.  
  
This felt so good, so right. Rose felt her pulse quicken to match the  
beat of her heart. As John moved his mouth against hers, the kiss  
intensified, her lips parting of their own volition. The shiver  
shooting down her spine sent conflicting messages to her hazy mind.  
One was pleasure; pure and simple bliss. The other was a warning bell.  
She was treading on dangerous ground.  
  
John's eyes popped open as the warmth left his lips. Her face was  
cast in shadow and he tilted his head, trying to gauge her expression.  
"What's wrong?" he asked softly.  
  
She avoided his gaze, hoping he wouldn't be able to read the confusion  
and doubt in her eyes. Although Kevin's words from yesterday still  
echoed in her head, she couldn't risk losing everything she had worked  
towards for the past five years. This had to stop now, before it went  
any further. If she let this continue, she knew she would lose her heart.  
He had already claimed a small piece of it tonight with just this one kiss.  
  
Her silence troubled him. It was similar to how she'd reacted last  
week when he'd said he wanted to see her again. He sensed her sadness  
but didn't understand it. "What's wrong, Rose?" he asked again.  
"Talk to me."  
  
"I shouldn't have done that." Her voice sounded low and strained.  
  
"It's okay. I thought maybe you'd meant to kiss my nose to make it  
better, but missed. I don't mind." He'd hoped the little joke would  
make her smile but it fell flat. She still wouldn't look at him.  
Starting to grow impatient, he lifted her chin up with two fingers.  
The moonlight reflected off her dark blue eyes, and he was dismayed  
to find them awash with tears. His impatience quickly dissolved into  
concern. "I don't understand this. Please tell me what's wrong.  
Is it something I've done?"  
  
"No, it's not you. It's me." She gave a hollow laugh. "I know that  
sounds like a terrible line, but it's the truth. I'm sorry, John.  
This is my fault. I...I shouldn't have agreed to go out with you."  
  
He tried to find the hidden meaning in what she was saying but it  
only left him confused. "I don't understand," he repeated.  
"I thought things were going well."  
  
*Yes, too well* she thought. *I'm doing the right thing. Better to  
end this now*  
  
"I'm sorry for the mixed signals, but I can't see you again." She spoke  
in a rush, anxious to get this over with and retreat to the safety of  
her home. "Goodbye, John."  
  
"But..."  
  
He was left open-mouthed as Rose swung the door open and practically  
leapt outside. Still not clear on what had just happened, he could  
only watch as she disappeared into the house without a backward glance.  
  
After a minute of sitting there in stunned disbelief, John finally   
backed into the street and drove away.  
  
After dismissing the babysitter and looking in on her son, Rose curled  
up on her bed and finally gave in to her tears. If she was doing the  
right thing, why did she feel so miserable?  
  
***************   
  
Coughing discreetly into her hand as the cigar smoke tickled her nostrils,  
Nicole Carter suddenly realized her son was no longer in the room.  
Glancing around, she spotted him on the balcony; getting a bit of  
clean night air, no doubt.  
  
Rising to her feet, she patted the shoulder of the man seated next to her.  
"I'll just be outside, dear."  
  
Roland Carter nodded, exhaling slowly. "Smoke getting to you?"  
  
"Mmm hmm." With graceful steps, she came to stand beside the younger,  
masculine version of herself. John had inherited his dark good looks  
from his mother's side. His stubborn streak, however, was a product of  
the Carter genes. Both Roland and Laird were a testimony to that  
particular characteristic. "Beautiful night, isn't it," she said,  
gazing towards the pinpoints of stars in the sky.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Even in heels, she had to tilt her head back to clearly see his profile.  
Height was another trait that came from his father. "You're awfully  
quiet tonight. Is something wrong?"  
  
John speculated whether his mother wanted the truthful, pained answer  
or the easy, glossed-over response. He looked down into the face that  
was so youthful for its age. Her skin was smooth; unmarred by worry  
or frown lines. He gave his standard reply. "I'm fine."  
  
As usual, she took him at his word and didn't pry any further. She was  
content in believing he was fine and that all was right with the world.  
Her world, at least. The one that revolved around her family and friends.  
The rest of the world might be falling to pieces, but it didn't concern her.  
That's why she never watched the news.  
  
They both turned around as more voices floated from the drawing room.  
John was surprised to see Kevin with his parents. "Did you know they  
were coming?"  
  
"No, I didn't." Her voice was stiff from obvious displeasure. She would  
have a word with Millicent about forgetting to mention this little detail.  
  
"Be nice, Mom."  
  
She sniffed. "I'm always nice."  
  
John walked over to the group and was warmly greeted by Robert Carter.  
After shaking hands, John turned to the tall, brown-haired woman beside him.  
"Hello, Aunt Claire. You're looking very well." He hadn't seen her since  
the brief visit she'd paid him after the stabbing. He knew she had been  
reluctantly dragged to the hospital to make a one-time appearance.  
Kevin and Robert had made subsequent visits on their own.  
  
"Hello, John," Claire responded, her tone cool as John quickly kissed her cheek.  
  
Nicole went through the same ritual greetings, smiling at Robert with  
genuine fondness. Then the two women faced one another with identical  
expressions of haughty, feigned politeness; a false veneer that didn't  
hide their mutual, intense dislike.  
  
Robert, Roland's younger brother, was truly a dear man. But Nicole had  
never liked Claire. She was a brash woman who had an opinion on everyone  
and everything, and never failed to express her views. In addition to  
her unladylike manner, she came from a lineage of questionable background;  
an undistinguished working-class family.  
  
While the two women managed to icily get along with each other for the  
sake of family peace, they had almost come to blows over Chase.   
Claire's eldest son had been the light of her life. She still loved  
her son, of course, and always would. But even now, after visiting  
Chase at the Kenner Institute, she would sometimes go home and sob,  
thinking of the way Chase used to be. If John had only told her about  
Chase's heroin addiction, she could have found a way to help him.  
But he had taken things into his own hands and look where it had gotten  
her son. Most days, he didn't even know his own mother. He was alive,  
but not in the truest sense of the word. It broke her heart. And her  
heart found no room for forgiveness where John Carter was concerned.  
No matter what Robert said. It wasn't in his nature to hold a grudge  
but in her opinion, he had forgiven John all too easily.  
  
When Nicole had found Claire practically screaming at John one day,  
it had taken all of her willpower not to slap the woman on the spot.  
Claire had been hysterical and John had been silently accepting her  
tirade, tears coursing down his cheeks. Unable to bear seeing him  
in such pain, Nicole had angrily ordered Claire to calm down. She  
still remembered the look of shock on the faces of her son and  
sister-in-law. Neither of them had ever heard her shout before.  
Her outburst had surprised even herself, but she hadn't been sorry.  
Not then, and not now. Chase had gotten himself into trouble.  
John had only been trying to help him, the same way he tried to  
help anyone he cared about. As long as Claire wasn't willing to  
understand that, there would always be animosity between the two mothers.  
  
John approached his cousin and with a look that passed between them,  
they moved to the back of the room. "Surprised to see us?" Kevin asked.  
  
"Yeah, a little. Gamma didn't mention you were coming."  
  
"Figures. She wants us all to get along, and she thinks the only way  
to do that is to force us together every once in a while. I don't  
think it's working, though," Kevin stated wryly.  
  
"I need to talk to you. About Rose." John realized the change in  
subject was rather abrupt, but she was the only thing on his   
mind today.  
  
Kevin sensed the urgency in John's tone and he kept his own voice  
low. "Why? What happened?"  
  
"She says she can't see me again. That we shouldn't have gone out  
together." John had thought about last night's events over and over  
again, but he was still completely baffled by Rose's behaviour.  
It just didn't make any sense. "I know she likes me. And I...well,  
I'm crazy about her, Kev."  
  
"I knew you guys would hit it off." It pleased Kevin to know that  
John liked her so much. It had been a long time since he'd heard his  
cousin say he was interested in anyone. Things were going to get  
complicated now, but he was confident that everything would work  
out in the end. "She didn't give any explanation?"  
  
"No. Nothing." John slapped the wall with the palm of his hand,  
venting his frustration. "You're friends with her. I thought you  
might know what's going on." It was a long shot, but he looked  
at Kevin hopefully.  
  
"Yeah, I...Hi, Uncle Roland."  
  
"Hello, boys." Roland extended a hand, offering Kevin a cigar.  
"I thought you might like one."  
  
"Maybe after dinner," Kevin declined.  
  
"Very well. I know you don't smoke, John."  
  
"That's right. And neither should you."  
  
This was a familiar conversation and Roland expressed his typical  
disdain. "Please, spare me the doctor bit. So you two seem to be  
having quite the conversation. Something I can join in on? Or is  
John boring you with one of his emergency room stories?"  
  
"Believe me, those are never boring." Kevin's tone was mild but  
there was a glint in his eyes. Roland's snide comments never failed  
to annoy him. He glanced at John, but he didn't appear to be bothered.  
Perhaps he'd heard those comments so often he managed to tune them out.  
Or more likely, he simply had other concerns to dwell on tonight.  
  
All conversation stopped as Millicent entered the room, her voice  
ringing out clearly. "Hello everyone. Thank you all for coming.  
I'm sorry that I couldn't join you earlier. There was a long distance  
phone call that I had to take care of. But I've just been told that  
dinner is ready, so we can all go into the dining room."  
  
John and Kevin hung back as everyone started to move towards the hall.  
Roland walked on ahead of them so they were able to resume their chat.  
"Listen, I probably won't be able to talk to you later," Kevin spoke  
quietly. "I promised a friend that we'd get together tonight after dinner.  
But I'll definitely call you tomorrow. Let me talk to Rose first and  
we'll get this sorted out."  
  
"So you do know what's going on. Why am I getting a bad feeling about  
this?" John couldn't quell the anxious feeling in his stomach.  
  
"Don't worry, it'll work out," Kevin assured him. "You haven't mentioned  
her to anyone, right?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"Just don't. Don't mention her name."  
  
This warning only served to intensify John's distress. What the hell  
was going on? But at this point, all he could do was agree. "Okay.  
I won't."  
  
He absolutely had to continue seeing Rose. Something special was growing  
between them but it had to be given a chance to develop; a chance to  
blossom before the roots were yanked out completely. One thing he knew  
for certain - he wasn't going to give her up without a fight.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	7. Chapter 7

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kevin didn't call the next day or the day after that. While John was  
sorely tempted to pick up the phone and call Kevin, pride wouldn't  
allow it. He'd already made it abundantly clear to his cousin how he  
felt about Rose. He would give it another day and if there was still  
no news, he would talk to Rose himself.  
  
In an attempt to ease his troubled thoughts, he filled his days with  
physical activities; swimming, biking, tennis and horseback riding.  
He'd almost forgotten how much he loved riding; the sense of freedom  
it gave. He spent some time exploring areas of the estate he hadn't  
seen in years. It brought back childhood memories of the times he had  
spent roaming the grounds, often getting scolded for straying too far.  
And while his physical exertions left him tired at the end of the day,  
it was almost a good feeling. One that he welcomed compared to the  
listless slump he'd been in at the hospital these past few months.  
  
As an added bonus, his back appeared to be improving. He could now sit  
or stand for longer periods before the familiar ache would flare.  
And when the pain did come, the intensity and duration of it seemed  
to be decreasing. He had stopped physical therapy about six weeks ago  
but he'd been lax in keeping up with the exercises his therapist had  
recommended. He had no excuse, other than pure laziness. As a doctor,  
he really should know better.  
  
Today, he'd spent most of the day running some errands and had only  
managed a late afternoon swim before dinner. He'd made himself a  
ham and cheese omelette, cleared away the dishes and now sat in front of  
the television. Though he usually enjoyed this particular program,  
he couldn't seem to get into it today. His mind kept wandering  
and he debated on whether he should give in and give Kevin a call.  
  
A sharp rap at the front door startled him out of his thoughts.  
Tossing the remote control aside, he padded to the door and swung  
it open. His eyes widened with surprise and it took a moment to find  
his voice. "Uh...hi," he managed to say.  
  
"Hi," Rose echoed softly. She smiled automatically, but if felt stiff  
and awkward. Since he appeared incapable of speaking, she plowed gamely  
on ahead. "Sorry to come unannounced, like this. Is this a bad time?"  
  
Finally seeming to come to his senses, John shook his head. "No, I was  
just watching TV. Come on in."  
  
He stepped back to allow her access. It had only been a few days since  
he'd last been with her but seeing her now, he realized how much he'd  
missed her. Happiness warred with apprehensiveness, as he wondered  
what she would have to say.  
  
Closing the door, he told her to have a seat anywhere. He flicked off  
the television and sat in a chair across from her. She perched on the  
edge of the couch, trying her best to look relaxed.  
  
"So I..."  
  
"Can I..."  
  
They both chuckled, their mutual discomfort apparent as their voices overlapped.  
  
"You first," John offered.  
  
"No, please, you go ahead."  
  
"Well, I was just going to offer you a drink."  
  
"Oh. No, I'm fine, thank you."   
  
A long measure of silence followed this exchange, as if they were afraid  
to make another false start.  
  
Rose finally took the first step. "I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here."  
Crossing her legs, she smoothed imaginary wrinkles from her long skirt.  
She hoped this position would cease the involuntary bouncing of her  
left knee. She couldn't seem to sit still. Good grief, she was worse  
than her son.  
  
"Kevin must have talked to you," John guessed.  
  
"We did talk a little, but I probably would have come on my own anyway.  
What I did to you the other night wasn't fair." She still remembered the  
complete look of bewilderment and hurt on his face, before she'd escaped  
from the car. "I just want to explain things to you so you'll understand  
the dilemma." Hesitating, she gave him a rueful smile. "I thought I had  
everything planned out but now that I'm here, I don't know where to start."  
  
Though he was filled with questions, John simply returned an encouraging  
smile. "Just take your time. I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Taking a deliberate breath, she began her story. Somehow, her words flowed  
forth in a calm manner that belied her inner tension. "My mother died when  
I was very young. I was five. My father raised me by himself. He was  
a good man...very loving. He worked long hours, but he always picked me  
up from school so we could spend the evening together. He would bring some  
work home, or sometimes he'd go back to the office." She stopped suddenly,  
aware that she had already begun to defend her father. It hadn't taken her  
long to break her vow of remaining objective and sticking to the facts.  
  
John noticed her hands gripping the edge of the couch. While it was  
quite apparent to him how difficult this was for her, overall, she hid  
her discomfort well. He didn't have to wait long for her to pick up the  
thread again.  
  
"Although I didn't understand what was happening back then, my father got  
involved with gambling. He got himself deeper and deeper into debt.  
He was also depressed a lot...lonely with only me for company. I don't  
think he ever got over my mother's death. He would often tell me that  
she was the only woman he could ever love." Here, she paused once again  
to give a brief shake of her head. "I'm getting off course again.  
I don't want to make this into an endless saga."  
  
"Take as long as you like, Rose. I want to hear anything you care to tell me."  
  
"Well, let me get to the heart of the matter. Yes, I still think of  
my father with loving memories, but part of me used to hate him too.  
I've long since forgiven him but he did some terrible things. He was  
the co-founder of a successful company and did very well in the  
business world. But the gambling started to take over and he got  
desperate. He began stealing funds from the company and got caught.  
But that's not the worst of it. He killed himself."  
  
John sucked in a breath, unprepared for that last statement. "Oh, God."  
  
"And here's the most interesting fact. Care to guess what company my  
father helped to establish and almost destroy?"  
  
He blinked, not quite sure of where this was leading. "Um..."  
  
"Carter Enterprises," she informed him.  
  
Stunned, John could only stare at Rose with raised eyebrows.  
  
When he failed to comment, she continued on. "You can understand now  
why your family would hardly welcome me with open arms, especially your  
grandfather. It was Laird Carter and Ethan Philips that built what  
has grown into Carter Enterprises. You'll note that 'Philips' has been  
removed from the name."  
  
"It used to be Carter Philips Enterprises?" John asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I had no idea," he murmured.  
  
"Most people don't. While the company did well, even in the beginning,  
it was still small. Nowhere near the conglomerate it's become now."  
  
John shifted in the chair, trying to absorb all of this startling  
information. "But you're working for Carter Enterprises. How did  
that happen?"  
  
"It's pretty ironic, I know. But really, it's thanks to Kevin's father."  
  
Just when he thought he'd had his fill of surprises for one evening,  
another one popped up. "Uncle Robert?"  
  
"Right. Joshua was close to a year old and I was staying with friends,  
working a dead end job. An agency, one of those headhunters, called me  
out of the blue and wanted to meet with me. I certainly didn't have  
anything to lose. But I couldn't believe it when the first company  
they set me up with was Carter Enterprises. I wasn't even going to go,  
but part of me was curious. I ended up having the interview with  
Robert Carter. I figured I didn't have a chance anyway, so I was  
totally honest with him about my history. Believe me, no one was more  
shocked than me when he insisted he didn't care. He still wanted  
to hire me. His only stipulation was that I keep it a secret from Laird."  
  
John spoke slowly, still connecting the pieces of the puzzle in his mind.  
"So that's why you don't want to see me. You're afraid that Grandfather  
will find out the truth. And then your career is over."  
  
Rose nodded, feeling a wave of shame at her selfishness. "I like you  
a lot, John. I really do. But I should have listened to my instincts  
and stayed away from you. It's just that you were so charming  
and I...I..." Her voice trailed off, as if she was finally out of  
steam after talking for so long. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I seem to be  
at a loss now."  
  
John sat still for several moments, then crossed the short span  
between them to sit beside her. While numerous thoughts and feelings  
coursed through his mind, he wanted to make one thing clear.  
"Rose, first of all, thank you for being honest with me. I know this  
can't have been easy for you. And second, I want you to know that none  
of what you've told me affects how I feel about you." He paused, as she  
turned a hesitant gaze towards his, as if gauging his sincerity.  
"I don't want you to stay away from me. I want to give this a chance...  
give us a chance. I couldn't care less what Grandfather would think.  
He doesn't have to know."  
  
"But we couldn't hide it forever," Rose protested. Part of her was  
elated that John would still want to see her, but the majority of her  
being was filled with doubt. It wasn't an emotion she acknowledged  
very often, and she didn't care for it at all. How could it be possible  
that professionally, she was confident and decisive at even the most  
difficult of times. And yet when it came to her personal life, she often  
felt like the proverbial deer in the headlights, uncertain which way  
to turn. "If he found out we were seeing each other, that would be  
bad enough. But if he also found out I was working within his company,  
not only would it affect me, it would involve Robert too." She exhaled  
a heavy breath of frustration. "He's been so good to me. Almost like  
a surrogate father. I can't take the chance of hurting him too."  
Dropping her head in her hands, she couldn't contain the slight moan  
that escaped her lips. "I've made a complete mess of things. If only  
I hadn't agreed to go out with you in the first place, this never would  
have happened. Now I'm hurting you too. I'm so sorry, John."  
  
"Hey, it's okay." Seeing her hunched over in complete misery, his heart  
went out to her. He rubbed her back in a soothing motion, all the while,  
trying to figure out a way to convince her not to give up. He couldn't  
simply let her walk out of his life. He'd made that mistake with Anna  
and he'd be damned if he'd make that same mistake again. Granted,  
the situation here was a little different. He certainly wasn't in love  
with Rose. Not yet, though he already cared for her a great deal.  
But he wasn't so blind that he didn't recognize the potential. "You have  
nothing to apologize for," he said quietly. "In fact, I should be  
thanking you."  
  
As Rose straightened up to glance at him with questioning eyes, John let  
his hand fall to the side. "Thanking me? For what?" she asked,  
rather caught off guard by that remark.  
  
"You've given me something to focus on, other than myself. I haven't  
been happy for months now. You, uh, must know what happened to me  
last February."  
  
"Yes, I know." She could have added that she also knew how worried  
Kevin and Robert had been about him. And that even though she hadn't  
known him personally then, she'd prayed for his well being. Now that  
she had come to know John, she shuddered slightly, thinking how close  
he'd come to being killed. But she said nothing of this, and simply  
waited for him to continue.  
  
"Being a doctor has defined my life. It's not just my job, it's who  
I am. Or at least, that's the way I felt before I got stabbed.  
Then, with Lucy dying and me just barely escaping death, I don't feel  
the same way anymore. I'd be at the hospital sometimes and my mind  
would just drift away. I'd wonder what else I could be doing at that  
moment. And the scary thing was, most times I didn't have an answer.  
It's like being a doctor is the only thing I know how to do. Isn't life  
too short for that? Shouldn't there be more to it?" Capturing one of  
Rose's hands within his own, he rushed on without waiting for a response.  
"That's where you come in. I'm not saying you're the answer to my  
problems. But I really feel a connection to you. I feel like...like I  
can tell you anything. I don't know what it is, or how to explain it.  
Do I sound crazy?"  
  
Distracted by the warmth of his hand, she shook her head. "No, not crazy,"  
she whispered.  
  
He edged even closer towards her, their shoulders barely touching.  
He kept his gaze focused on her profile, until she turned those  
lovely eyes towards his. "Do you feel it too? This connection between us?"  
  
Much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn't. "Yes. But we hardly even  
know each other. How do we know if this is real?"  
  
"We take a risk. I know it's asking a lot of you, Rose, but I'm asking  
you anyway. I'll do everything in my power to make sure Grandfather  
doesn't find out about us or your job. And if things don't work out  
between us, that's okay. I'm already glad that you came into my life.  
Nothing can change that. But I don't want to lose you now before we  
even begin. It's up to you."  
  
So the decision was entirely in her control. Conflicting thoughts and   
emotions clouded her brain, and she couldn't trust herself to think  
logically. She felt frozen by fear of the unknown. "I don't know.  
I need time to think."  
  
"All right." While part of him was disappointed by that response,  
at least she hadn't refused him outright. There was still hope.   
  
"I'd better go." Pulling away from him, she got to her feet.  
He led her towards the door, almost reluctant to let her leave.  
He was afraid she'd never come back.  
  
"So you'll call me, then?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. Yes, I'll call you." She sounded almost detached; her face  
strangely blank.  
  
Without looking back, she left the house and he closed the door.  
With a tired sigh, he retreated to the couch. He'd learned some  
fascinating facts this evening. Who could have guessed that his  
family history would be tied to Rose's past? He supposed his  
childhood had been idyllic, compared to the tragedy she had endured.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by another knock. Wondering if she'd  
forgotten something, he retraced his steps and flung open the door.  
He stared at her wordlessly, watching as the wind rippled her skirt  
and tossed her flowing hair every which way. With deliberate steps,  
she crossed the threshold and stood before him, the hint of a smile  
on her lips.  
  
"I'm taking a risk," she stated, her eyes locked with his.  
  
He remained calm, despite the immediate burst of joy that seemed to  
radiate from within. "What changed your mind?" he had to ask.  
  
"I take risks almost every day at work, usually without thinking twice.  
I figure my heart is more important than my job." Stepping closer  
towards him, she tilted her head upwards. "All I ask is that you  
take good care of it."  
  
Drawing one arm around her waist, he kicked the door shut with one foot.  
His other hand traced the edge of her mouth and as he leaned down  
to kiss her, he whispered, "I will. I promise."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	8. Chapter 8

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
The next few weeks were happy ones for John. While continuing to relax   
at home, he spent weekends with Rose. Most days after work, she was too   
tired to go out, but sometimes he'd go to her house for a quiet dinner.   
Joshua's shyness with John had completely evaporated now, and he looked   
forward to every visit with barely contained excitement. John delighted   
in bringing small gifts for the child; a toy car, new crayons, a model   
airplane they built together. Rose once chastised John for spoiling him,   
but he simply shrugged it off, stating he wasn't doing any harm.   
Because they weren't expensive items, she couldn't find the heart to   
protest too much. Especially in light of the fact that it was the   
time they spent together that they both seemed to treasure, rather than   
the gifts themselves.   
  
When John and Rose were alone together, they'd often have long chats.   
Slowly, with small steps, they revealed more of their personal history   
to each other. Rose spoke of the difficult times she'd had following   
her father's death. There had been no close relatives willing to take   
her in, and she'd felt abandoned and alone. Finally, her father's aunt   
had agreed to become her guardian. Yet, while she'd provided young   
Rose with food and shelter, she'd been a distant and unloving figure.   
She hadn't been cruel to Rose, but she'd also been incapable of showing   
any affection.   
  
John also talked about his past; the death of his older brother,   
the strained relationship with his parents, his desire to become a   
doctor despite his grandfather's objections. It seemed they had   
both struggled through life, starting at an early age. But both   
agreed that overcoming those obstacles had made them stronger   
and perhaps, more prepared for the sometimes harsh realities of life.   
Sharing these intimate facts somehow brought them closer together   
and created a bond between them.   
  
Kevin was thrilled that the two of them had decided to start seeing   
each other. He felt a twinge of guilt for keeping it a secret from   
his father, but he reasoned that it would only be temporary. If their   
relationship truly became serious, they would all cross that bridge at   
that time. He didn't feel the need to worry about it yet.   
  
It was mid-July now, and Joshua's fifth birthday was coming up on   
Saturday. Some of his friends from daycare, as well as a few   
neighbourhood children, were invited to the house for an outdoor party.   
Much of the summer this year had been rainy, and Joshua was constantly   
questioning his mother about the weather forecast. Rose crossed her   
fingers and predicted nothing but sunny skies for his special day.   
Thankfully, the morning dawned bright and warm, with tranquil white   
clouds that showed no hint of moisture.   
  
Four of the mothers stayed for the party to help out; Eleanor, Christy   
Alison and Nora. The fathers were conspicuously absent. None had been   
interested in sticking around for the party. John was the only male   
adult present and thus, he was placed in charge of the barbecue.   
Taking the role of chef quite seriously, he served the hot dogs and   
hamburgers with a smile. Rose lost count of how many times she was   
pulled aside by one of the women, each commenting on how charming her   
new boyfriend was.   
  
Bringing out the cake and ice cream after lunch, Rose was rewarded   
by a chorus of cheers from the children. It took two attempts for   
Joshua to blow out all five candles, but he did it calmly and announced   
that he had to keep his wish a secret so it would come true. As he   
opened each present, his young guests ooohed and ahhhed appropriately.   
And despite his excitement, he remembered to say thank you each time.   
  
Rose relaxed in a lawn chair with a couple of the mothers, an iced tea   
in hand. The children were playing on their own now, content to roam   
around the backyard. When John went into the house to use the telephone,   
Rose suspected that Nora and Alison, two of her neighbours, would begin   
their round of questioning. She wasn't disappointed.   
  
"So," Alison began, trying to sound casual, "how long have you been   
seeing him?"   
  
"Who?" Rose asked. After the look Alison shot at her, she gave in.   
"About a month."   
  
"Are you going to give us more details, or you want to keep us guessing?"   
Nora inquired.   
  
Rose hesitated, not wanting to sound impolite. She actually wasn't   
close to either of these women. They were simply the mothers of her   
son's friends and she only knew them on a casual basis. "Let's just   
say, things are going very well so far." She flashed a mysterious smile.   
  
"Mommy..."   
  
Rose turned her head to find Joshua beside her chair. "Yes?"   
  
"She's eating leafs, even though I said it's bad."   
  
Rose sat up a little straighter. "Who is?"   
  
"Linny."   
  
Confused, it took her a moment to decipher the name. "You mean,   
Lyndsay?" she asked, referring to Nora's two-year old daughter.   
  
"Yeah," Joshua affirmed, with a vigorous nod.   
  
Quickly surveying the yard, Rose spotted the toddler crouching near   
some plants. Eleanor and Christy were only a few feet away, but they   
seemed deeply engrossed in conversation and were not paying attention   
to the girl. Even as Rose got to her feet, Nora was already heading   
towards her. "Lyndsay, what are you doing?" the concerned mother   
called out.   
  
Lyndsay didn't reply, but responding to her mother's tone of voice,   
she had a decidedly guilty expression on her face. She obviously   
sensed that she'd done something wrong. As Rose approached them,   
with Joshua tagging along behind her, she noticed some leaves clutched   
in the girl's chubby fist.   
  
"Josh, did she actually swallow some leaves?" Rose asked.   
  
He shrugged. "I dunno. I think so."   
  
"What's wrong?" Eleanor asked, finally turning her attention towards them.   
  
"You were supposed to be watching her," Nora said sharply. She softened   
her voice as she knelt down beside her daughter. "Open your mouth, honey.   
Did you chew those leaves?"   
  
"It's not poisonous, is it?" Christy asked, her expression aghast.   
"What kind of plant is that?"   
  
"It's uh...it's oleander," Rose replied. "John's a doctor. I'll go   
get him." As she turned away, she could sense that Joshua wanted to   
come with her. "No, Josh, you stay here. I'll be right back,"   
she assured him. She sprinted towards the house.   
  
She found John in the kitchen, still talking on the phone. Her sudden   
appearance caused him to glance up, a questioning look in his eyes.   
"Hang on a second," he said into the receiver.   
  
"John, you've got to come outside with me. Now," Rose stated, the urgency   
clearly evident.   
  
He responded immediately, cutting his conversation short and hanging up.   
"What is it?"   
  
Rose explained the situation as they ran back into the yard. The other   
children had all become quiet now, aware that something was wrong.   
Nora looked up at John as he approached, her brow furrowed with worry.   
"You're a doctor?"   
  
"That's right," he said calmly. "Rose, you said you're pretty sure   
it's oleander?"   
  
"Yes. Actually, I'm sure of it. Why, is that bad?" she asked,   
her concern growing.   
  
He didn't reply, not wanting to alarm everyone. Oleander did have   
a toxicity similar to digoxin, a heart medication, and he was worried   
about possible cardiac arrhythmias. "Do you have any ipecac? We need   
to induce vomiting."   
  
"Yes...yes, I have it in the bathroom cabinet upstairs," Rose replied.   
"Should I go get it?"   
  
"No, we'll bring her upstairs."   
  
"Mama, I don't feel good," Lyndsay stated in a small voice.   
  
"It's okay, honey," Nora soothed. As she spoke, the slight quaver in   
her words betrayed her anxiety and she looked to John for guidance.   
  
"Let's take her upstairs and we'll administer the ipecac," he said   
quickly, knowing time was of the essence.   
  
Scooping up her daughter, Nora followed Rose and John into the house.   
Although Rose had been worried about wasting precious time digging   
around for the ipecac, she found it right away. A short while later,   
the poor girl emptied her stomach while her mother stroked her back.   
  
Exhausted from the strain, Lyndsay fell back into her mother's arms.   
"Will she be all right now?" Nora asked, her tone hopeful.   
  
"Probably, but we should still take her to the ER," John said carefully.   
"I'll drive you."   
  
They went downstairs and Rose gave him a quick kiss. "Thank you,"   
she whispered. "Please call me from the hospital."   
  
He gave her a reassuring smile. "Of course. Don't worry, she'll be fine."   
  
Just as he turned to leave, Joshua bounded up to him. "You're gonna make   
her better, right?"   
  
"She's going to be fine, Josh. Don't you worry. I've gotta go."   
  
John waved at him and with a final glance at Rose, he led Nora   
and Lyndsay towards his Jeep.   
  
***************   
  
The ER was literally a beehive of activity when they stepped through   
the doors, and John could sense that this wasn't just an unusually   
busy day. Something was up.   
  
He guided Nora, who was still holding a very quiet Lyndsay, towards the   
admit desk. Randi was nowhere to be found but Dave was signing some papers.   
  
"Hey, Dave," John called out.   
  
Glancing up, the resident grinned. "Carter! Long time, no see. How's   
it going?"   
  
"Going fine. Where's Dr. Finch?"   
  
"In Curtain one, I think." Dave took a sidelong glance at the board.   
"Yeah, she's got a kid with a broken arm. Why?"   
  
"I want her to take a look at this girl. She chewed on some leaves and..."   
  
"Don't tell me," Dave interrupted. "Oleander?"   
  
Surprised, John muttered, "Uh, yeah, we think so." He dug around   
in his pocket and pulled out a couple of the crumpled leaves he'd   
brought with him. "How'd you know that?"   
  
Dave took a quick look at the leaves and nodded. "Yup, that's it.   
I just treated a kid last week who made a meal out of the exact   
same plant. Want me to take her?"   
  
"Well..."   
  
Dave sighed impatiently. "You don't have to get stressed, Carter.   
I'll have Dr. Finch check her out before she's released. Okay?"   
  
"Okay. Thanks, Dave."   
  
"No problem." Dave smiled at Nora. "Hi, I'm Dr. Malucci. You can   
bring your daughter this way..."   
  
As they were led away, a man with a white t-shirt wrapped around his arm   
approached John with a scowl on his face. "Hey pal, I've been waiting   
two hours and they get in right away! What the hell is going on here?   
I wanna see a doc now!"   
  
A few others who were standing nearby overheard the man's complaint   
and they began muttering in agreement. Chairs was overflowing with   
people and they were spilling out into the hallway, pacing the floor   
or leaning against the wall.   
  
John faced the indignant man, choosing his words carefully. "I'm sorry,   
sir, but that little girl ate something poisonous and had to be seen   
immediately. You wouldn't want her to go into cardiac arrest, would you?"   
  
"No, of course not." Backing off slightly but continuing to frown,   
the man wouldn't give up. "This is bullshit! I sliced my arm and I'm   
in fucking pain here. How much longer is it going to take?"   
  
"I don't know. Look, I'm not on duty right now but I'll try to find   
out what's going on. Okay?" John hoped his answer would placate him.   
  
"Yeah, whatever."   
  
Though the man didn't look entirely convinced, John was relieved that   
he seemed to calm down a little. The last thing he needed was someone   
to incite a riot among the disgruntled group.   
  
The raised voice of someone familiar reached his ears and he followed   
the sound. He noticed the words were being enunciated with extreme   
precision and clarity. That meant she was very pissed off.   
  
"No, I understand that. But you have to understand my position.   
I...hang on...now just wait a minute! If you can't...hello? Hello?   
Well, of all the unbelievable nerve!"   
  
The last sentence was punctuated by the slamming down of the receiver.   
  
"Bad day, Kerry?"   
  
Kerry whipped her head around to find John standing before her.   
"Don't ask," she advised in a level tone. Her features softening,   
she barely managed a small smile. "This is a surprise. What are you   
doing here?"   
  
He briefly told her about bringing Lyndsay in, and that Dave was   
examining her. "The people out there are getting antsy," he told her,   
pointing behind him with his thumb. "What's up today?"   
  
Kerry rolled her eyes, looking tense and frustrated. "What isn't up?   
Mercy's ER is closed because of problems with power fluctuations.   
I've got two attendings off sick with the flu in the middle of summer.   
A patient locked himself into a supply room. One of the toilets in   
the men's washroom overflowed. And I've got the grandest headache that   
I've had the pleasure of having in years. Any other questions?"   
  
John knew that if he even gave the hint of a smile, he'd receive a   
smack in the head. "Need any help?" he asked.   
  
"What kind of help are you offering?"   
  
Reading between the lines, he realized she was asking if he was ready   
to return to the ER. He hesitated, considering the question carefully.   
"Is anyone doing triage?"   
  
"Yes, one of the new nurses. She just quit about an hour ago."   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Really."   
  
"Well, I think I can manage it."   
  
Kerry patted him on the arm. "Go home, John. We'll be okay. I don't   
mean to try to make you feel guilty. You don't have to do this."   
  
"I know. But I want to."   
  
Cocking her head to the side, she peered up at him over the rim of   
her glasses. "You're sure?"   
  
"Yes," he replied firmly, with more confidence than he truly felt.   
But it was no lie that he did want to help. The sudden desire to   
dive back into the ER took him by surprise, but he decided it   
was best to just go with his instinct.   
  
With a nod, Kerry sprang into action. In no time at all, he found   
himself in chairs, assessing patients and determining the order in   
which they'd be examined. He was so busy, he didn't even notice that   
he'd forgotten his lab coat until Randi brought him one.   
  
"Carter, I almost didn't recognize you without the suspenders."   
She grinned at him, handing him the white coat. "Here, I brought   
you this."   
  
"Thanks." Looking down at his dark blue t-shirt and jeans, he was   
surprised that no one had questioned him about being a doctor.   
He supposed it was the stethoscope around his neck that assured   
them of his profession.   
  
"Is this your first day back?" Randi asked.   
  
"Yeah. It's sort of unofficial, though."   
  
"Good luck. Great day for you to start." Her attention was diverted   
by a young boy that ran past her, pushing an empty wheelchair at   
top speed. "Damn, that kid's been driving me crazy. Come back here,   
you little twerp!" she hollered, running after him down the hall.   
  
John chuckled to himself. Feeling a slight twinge in his back,   
he knew he had to take a break to stretch it out. Walking towards   
the ambulance bay, thinking that he'd get a breath of fresh air,   
he jumped back as an EMT crew burst through the doors.   
  
"Hey, watch it!" Doris snapped. She glanced up at him with a belated   
look of recognition. "Dr. Carter! You're back! Help us out here,   
would ya?" She gave a rundown of the victim's condition, as John   
automatically followed alongside her. They were joined by Chuny,   
and a couple other nurses. "Fourteen year-old male, stab wounds to   
the back of the neck and upper back. BP 75 over 50, pulse 109.   
Fifteen litres of O2 given by mask and we started two large bore   
IVs of saline at the scene, wide open."   
  
By this time, the gurney was already being wheeled into a trauma   
room and John froze, suddenly unsure of himself. "Can't anyone   
else take this? Where's Dr. Weaver or Kovac?"   
  
"They're in another trauma," Chuny replied, uneasy at the hesitancy   
that he was displaying. It was unlike Carter to act like this,   
but perhaps it was understandable since he'd been absent for a while.   
"I'll get Dr. Weaver," she said quickly.   
  
"No, I've got it." The room was unnaturally still and as John felt   
all eyes on him, his voice rose. "I said I've got it! Come on,   
people, let's go. Transfer him on my count, very gently. One, two,   
three..."   
  
As the EMTs began to file out, Doris slapped him on the shoulder.   
"Good to have you back."   
  
"Thanks," he acknowledged.   
  
"Good bilateral breath sounds," Chuny reported.   
  
"Okay, let's get his blood typed and crossmatched for six units;   
a CBC, chest films, and a c-spine," John called out. "I want a   
flow sheet started. And he needs an NG tube and a Foley. Let's be   
gentle. This kid could have a spinal-cord injury."   
  
"Is that him? Larry?"   
  
At the sound of a foreign voice in the room, John looked up to see   
a distraught man staggering towards them. He rushed forward,   
trying to block the man's view. "Sir, you can't be in here."   
Grabbing hold of the man's arms, he tried to steer him back.   
  
"That's my son! Amy said he was stabbed. You've gotta help him!"   
  
"That's what we're trying to do," John assured him. "Now, please,   
step outside and let us do our job." Again, he attempted to guide   
the father back into the hallway. The man thwarted his efforts,   
however, and grew more frantic at the sight of his bloody son.   
  
"Don't let him die!" the man wailed.   
  
"I won't, but you have to..."   
  
"Don't let him die!" Repeating his mantra, the man gave John a   
violent shove, slamming him against the wall.   
  
"Carter!" Chuny cried with alarm, seeing the flash of pain that   
etched across his features. Dropping the Foley catheter, she ran   
over and bellowed into the hallway. "I need security in here!"   
  
"Sorry," the man gasped, releasing the grip he'd had on John's   
lab coat. "I'm sorry. I just..."   
  
"Get out of here!" Chuny said angrily, her dark eyes narrowed.   
  
"Chuny, it's okay," John said weakly, trying to ignore the throb   
in his back.   
  
"No, it's not! Just get out and let us do our work. Please."   
  
A security guard appeared in the doorway, looking rather bored.   
"You need some help?"   
  
"Yeah, take this man into chairs," she ordered, shaking her   
head with disbelief. She turned her attention to John, who looked   
a little pale. "You all right? I should get Weaver."   
  
"No, I'm fine. It's my patient. Let me finish this."   
  
"If you say so," she conceded, though her tone was doubtful.   
  
The immediate burst of pain in his back had subsided into a dull throb;   
one that he could tolerate. Refusing Chuny's offer of assistance,   
he walked towards the gurney. The x-rays had come back, and his   
heart sank as he noted the traumatic injuries to two vertebrae.   
"Give him a bolus of 700 milligrams of methylprednisolone."   
He hoped this would help to reduce some spinal-cord swelling.   
"Call Neuro and book an OR. I'll go talk to his father."   
  
Now he had to give the news that this boy was probably paralysed.   
He only hoped the father would be in a more rational state of mind   
than he had been earlier. This was going to be a long day.   
  
***************   
  
"Hi, I'm looking for Dr. Carter."   
  
Wondering where the desk clerks had magically disappeared to,   
Kerry forced herself to give a pleasant look. "And you are?"   
  
"Rose Philips. If he's busy, that's okay."   
  
Though surprised, Kerry's smile emanated genuine warmth and she   
extended her hand. "Hi, Rose. I'm Kerry Weaver. John's told me   
about you."   
  
"Oh, yes. He's mentioned you too." Rose shook her hand and   
returned the smile. "Nice to meet you. I was a little worried   
about him since I haven't heard from him all day."   
  
"It's been insanely busy here today, so he probably just didn't have   
a chance to call you."   
  
"So it's true, then? He's decided to return to work?" Rose asked.   
When Nora had called her from the hospital to tell her that Lyndsay   
was going to be fine, she'd mentioned that John was working.   
  
"Yes, he has," Kerry confirmed. She'd been very pleased to hear   
him say that he wanted to return. The time off seemed to have   
done wonders for him. He was looking tanned, fit, and most   
important of all...happy.   
  
"I'm glad," Rose said softly.   
  
"So am I. Now, come with me. I'll take you to him."   
  
They walked down the hall, which was now blessedly quiet. It was   
hard to believe that not so long ago, the area had been bustling   
with noise and confusion.   
  
With a knock on the door of Exam 4, Kerry proceeded inside.   
  
"I'm trying to sleep," complained an irritated, male voice.   
  
"You have a visitor," Kerry told him. "I'll leave you two alone.   
I'm glad we met, Rose."   
  
"Yes, take care."   
  
As Kerry closed the door behind her, John sat up in bed, blinking   
sleepily. "Rose! Oh, God, I'm so sorry! I should have called you."   
  
"It's okay. I hear you've been busy." Rose came to sit down   
next to him, giving him a brief kiss.   
  
"You wouldn't believe the day I've had. It's been terrible.   
And wonderful, at the same time."   
  
"Wonderful because you're doing what you love again? Being a doctor?"   
  
"Yeah. I'm too tired to explain how I feel. Well, actually,   
I'm not sure if I even could explain it. I just know this is   
where I belong. It feels right, again."   
  
"Then that's all that matters. Now, lie down and get some sleep."   
  
As he lay back down, she absently stroked his hair. "Mmm, that's nice,"   
he murmured. His eyes fluttered closed and less than two minutes later,   
he was snoring gently.   
  
With a loving smile, Rose pressed her lips against his cheek.   
"Goodnight, Dr. Carter," she whispered.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED


	9. Chapter 9

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It appeared that the old John Carter everyone knew and loved had returned;  
or so the ER staff hoped. Some treated him as if he'd never taken a  
leave of absence; others treaded ground a little more carefully, afraid of  
saying or doing the wrong thing. But without question, they were all  
glad he no longer appeared depressed or withdrawn.  
  
Summer seemed to pass by in the wink of an eye . Work at the hospital  
kept John busy and Rose experienced an increased work load when someone  
in her office quit unexpectedly. Naturally, the company started looking  
for a replacement immediately but in the meantime, Adam Harris instructed  
her to pick up some of the slack. She often found herself in the  
office long after most had gone home and the computer monitor was the  
only recipient of her grumbled complaints. This, combined with John's  
hectic and sometimes unpredictable schedule, resulted in the month  
of August passing by much too quickly. They saw each other as much as  
they could, but seemed to spend more time talking on the phone.  
  
The coming of September brought some changes. Joshua started 'the big  
kids' school', as he liked to call it; kindergarten. On his first day,  
Rose took part of the morning off to take him to class. She'd been  
a little surprised that Adam hadn't put up much resistance to her  
request for the time off work. She then surmised that it must be due  
to the fact they had finally hired a woman to fill the gap in the  
office. However, she also felt so strongly about accompanying Joshua  
on his big day, she would have ignored Adam even if he'd ordered her  
not to go.  
  
From day one, Adam had never liked her. He was a tough supervisor  
on everyone - a highly intelligent, egotistical, and generally  
unpleasant man - but he seemed to reserve a particular nastiness just  
for Rose. She tried to take it in stride but some days were harder  
than others. It truly puzzled her but for the most part, she didn't  
think about it. She had better things to occupy her mind. She also  
happened to love her job and thus, she was able to tolerate him.  
  
***************  
  
"I think I've got it, Carter," Kerry sighed.  
  
"And could you call the lab again for Mrs. Petrovsky's blood work?  
It should have come back by now." John scribbled on the patient's  
chart as he walked down the hall with Kerry.  
  
"Yes, I will." Grabbing the chart that was thrust towards her,  
she resisted the temptation to nudge him along with her cane.  
"Would you please get going? You've kept her waiting long enough."  
  
He winced as he looked at his watch. "Where did you last see her?"  
  
"By the admit desk, but that was half an hour ago." Picking up speed  
as she marched away, she called out over her shoulder, "It's the last  
day of summer, you know. Enjoy it."  
  
John glanced around as he headed back towards the admitting area,  
but he saw no sign of her. Spotting Randi by the desk, he approached  
her hopefully. "Have you seen Rose?" he asked.  
  
With a loud snap of her gum, the desk clerk nodded. "Yup. Try the lounge."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Starting to shrug off his lab coat, he groaned out loud as he realized  
he'd forgotten to do something. Mentally cursing himself, he decided  
he'd better see Rose first. He paused for a moment with one hand on  
the lounge door. The sound of her distinctive laughter floated to  
his ears, making him smile as always.  
  
"You're making that up!" Rose exclaimed, just as he entered the room.  
  
"I swear it's true," Dave stated, placing his right hand over his heart.  
He grinned up at John. "Well, well, it's the man himself."  
  
John came towards them with eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What lies  
have you been telling her now?" he asked in a dry tone, leaning down  
to greet her with a kiss.  
  
"Me? Tell lies? Surely you jest." Dave's expression was one of  
pure innocence.  
  
With a reassuring smile, Rose patted John on the arm. "He's just been  
keeping me company. Are you ready now?"  
  
"Not quite. I've got to go back to OB for a couple of minutes. I won't  
be much longer."  
  
Since he'd already kept her waiting for forty five minutes, she supposed  
another few wouldn't make much difference. "Go on. I'll just have  
Dave tell me some more stories about you." She smiled sweetly, as Dave  
laughed out loud. She was only kidding but judging by his face,  
John wasn't thrilled by the idea.  
  
Wondering exactly what Malucci had been telling her, he hurried out  
the door. While Rose got along well with all of his colleagues,  
he'd noticed over the past month that she seemed especially friendly  
with Dave. Since he didn't find the resident all that trustworthy,  
at least where women were concerned, it was a good thing he trusted  
Rose implicitly.  
  
She couldn't help but laugh once more, as John left the room. "Did you  
see the look on his face?"  
  
"Yeah, it was hard to miss. I've gotta say, Rose, you have a bit of  
the devil in you."  
  
"Well, I've never claimed to be an angel."  
  
The playful glint in her eye made him chuckle softly. He then gave her  
a more serious look. "You've been really good for Carter. For a while,  
we were pretty worried about him. He was down in the dumps for too long."  
  
"He's been good for me too. And for Josh. He's always been terribly  
shy but John seems to bring him out of his shell."  
  
A strong dose of envy surged through Dave's system but he did his best  
to hide it. He was happy for Carter. He really was. He just seemed  
to be flaking out in the relationship department lately and wished he  
could find someone decent in his life too. It briefly crossed his mind  
to ask Rose if she had a sister, but he mentally scratched that. Not a  
smooth move. "I guess you're both good for each other," he said finally.  
"You know, I hate to say this, but I better get back to work before  
the Chief comes looking for me."  
  
Not wanting to sit in the lounge by herself, Rose accompanied him  
to the admit area. Leaning across the counter, she opened her mouth  
to address Randi when something made her glance to the left.  
Her stomach made an ungraceful nosedive to the soles of her feet,  
before it managed to settle back into place. The imagined motion  
left her a little breathless, as she found herself face-to-face  
with someone she'd never expected to see here. Adam Harris.  
  
With an equally surprised expression, he gazed down at her.  
"Well, what are you doing here?" he asked.  
  
*Think! Don't hesitate too long or he'll get suspicious.  
Say something, for God's sakes!* The disjointed thoughts whirled  
through her mind in a split second.  
  
"A friend of mine works here. I just stopped by for a visit,  
but I'm leaving now," she said smoothly. She marvelled at how  
calm she sounded. Why hadn't she ever pondered a career in acting?  
She noticed his forearm wrapped in a tensile bandage, right down  
to his wrist. "What happened to you?"  
  
He grimaced and shrugged at the same time. "Hurt myself playing  
racquetball. It's nothing but thought I'd better get it checked  
out anyway."  
  
Rose looked away in time to see Dave heading her way with a patient  
chart already in hand. "Hey, Rose, want me to page Car..."  
  
"No, no need!" she interrupted, her voice a little too loud.  
"Um, Dave, this is Adam Harris. Adam, this is my friend, Dr. Malucci."  
As the two men shook hands, she hoped and prayed that Dave would  
not try to mention the name 'Carter' again. "It was nice chatting  
with you, Dave. We don't do it often enough. Oh, I almost forgot,  
there's something else I need to talk to you about. Please excuse  
us, Adam. Take care of that arm."  
  
Without waiting for a reply, she gave her boss a little wave and  
motioned for Dave to follow her down the hall. Coming to a halt  
a safe distance away, she could sense his puzzlement. "What's  
going on?" he asked.  
  
Although they were well out of earshot, she kept her voice low.  
"That's my boss. He can't know that John and I are seeing each other."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It's complicated. I can't explain it to you now. Let's just say  
I would be in a lot of trouble if he found out."  
  
"Okay, so he won't find out. Want me to escort him out the building?"  
  
"No! That would make him even more suspicious."  
  
Dave grinned at her, patting her arm. "I'm kidding! Relax, would you?  
Your secret's safe with me."  
  
She wanted to look back and see what Adam was doing, but she seemed  
locked into place. What if he was talking to Randi and she let  
something slip? It would all be over. "What is he doing?" she asked.  
  
"He's leaving."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Finally gaining the courage to turn her head, she managed to catch a  
glimpse of his profile before he disappeared around a corner. A sigh  
of relief escaped her lips and she could literally feel her muscles  
relaxing.  
  
Dave's smile evaporated as he regarded her with genuine concern.  
"You're really worried about this."  
  
"Yeah," she murmured.  
  
"Does Carter know?"  
  
"He knows."  
  
"Well, the guy's gone and it was probably just coincidence that he  
showed up here, right? So you have nothing to worry about."  
  
"I hope so." She kept staring down the corridor, almost expecting  
Adam to come back. But he didn't. Turning her attention back to Dave,  
she tried to compose herself. "I'm okay. Thanks for the concern.  
And for not asking any questions."  
  
"Yeah, sure. If I can, uh, do anything, just let me know."  
  
"That's sweet of you. Actually, you can do something for me. When John  
comes back, tell him I'll be waiting at Docs."  
  
What she needed was a good, strong cup of coffee. That was the only  
thought she allowed in her mind while she walked over to the diner.  
Before settling into a booth, she glanced around at the other patrons.  
It was a pretty slim chance, but she had to be sure Adam wasn't in here.  
With her second sigh of the day, she dropped onto the vinyl seat and  
gazed out the window.  
  
***************  
  
"I'm really, really sorry. I know how late I am." With those words,  
John slipped into the booth across from Rose. "How long have you  
been here?"  
  
"Well, I'm on my second cup, if that tells you anything."  
  
She spoke in a soft tone that held no hint of accusation, but he still  
felt bad. His lateness had messed up their plans for the day.  
"Why don't we switch things around? Have an early dinner, then see  
the movie," he suggested.  
  
"Honestly, I don't feel like seeing a movie anymore."  
  
Regarding her closely, he could see she was more disturbed by the  
situation than she was letting on. When he had finally been ready  
to leave the hospital, he'd run into Dave outside the lounge door.  
Dave had told him where Rose was and that she was really upset.  
He could sense that now for himself. "I'm sorry, Rose. I don't  
have any excuse, except that I just couldn't tear myself away  
any earlier."  
  
"I'm not upset about that. I know you got here as soon as you could."  
After a slight pause, she blurted out the news. "Adam was here."  
When she only received a blank look, she clarified her words. "Adam,  
my boss."  
  
Pursing his lips, he emitted a long, slow breath. "Did he see you?"  
  
"Oh yes, we had a little chat. Dave started to make a joke about  
paging you for me, but I managed to interrupt him. Out of all the  
ERs in Chicago, he had to walk into County. I almost had a heart attack."  
  
"Don't worry, I would have given you CPR," he joked, trying to coax  
a smile out of her. He received an unappreciative glare instead.  
"Okay, bad joke. What was he doing here anyway?"  
  
She fiddled with the chipped handle of her empty cup. "He hurt his  
arm playing racquetball."  
  
"But he's still in the dark about us, right? Nothing was given away?"  
He was determined to look on the bright side but she continued to  
frown.  
  
"For now. I know it's probably just one of life's weird coincidences  
that he showed up here, but now it makes me nervous. What if we run  
into him at a restaurant somewhere? Or at the same movie theatre?  
I don't want to feel like I have to keep looking over my shoulder."  
  
"What are you saying then? You want to keep a low profile for a while?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't know if that will solve our problem. Maybe I'm  
just being paranoid."  
  
Sliding out of his seat, he came to sit next to her, drawing an arm  
around her shoulder. "Everything will be fine. Like you said, it's just  
a coincidence. Nothing to worry about."  
  
"I hope you're right." Lightly caressing his hand, she leaned into him.  
"Sorry to be such a downer."  
  
"You're entitled now and then." He playfully nudged against her.  
"But your time's up in the next two minutes."  
  
"Oh yeah?" The beginnings of a smile crossed her lips.  
  
"Yep. Okay, time's up."  
  
"Come on, I get to be paranoid for at least another minute and a half,"  
she protested with mock seriousness.  
  
With a sudden gasp, he pointed towards the window. "Oh God, there he is!"  
  
"Shit, where?" she demanded, ducking her head and frantically scanning  
the street. At the sound of a muffled guffaw, she turned back to him  
with narrowed eyes. "I swear, you're a dead man," she growled, slapping  
his arm twice in quick succession. Practically crawling on top of him,  
they were soon dissolving into laughter and almost tumbled onto the floor.  
  
"Ahem," coughed a voice from above. Looking up into the face of an  
unamused waitress, they quickly scrambled back into an upright position.  
"Can I get you anything else?" she asked.  
  
"Just the bill please," Rose replied primly.  
  
"Wait a second," John said. "It's a nice, sunny day and we shouldn't  
waste it. When are we supposed to pick up Josh from the sitter?"  
  
"Around seven or eight."  
  
"We've got lots of time. Why don't we have a picnic?"  
  
"Sure. You...want to get something from here?" Rose sounded hesitant.  
  
"Why not? The sandwiches are pretty good." He waited until the waitress  
got out her notepad and proceeded to order two ham and cheese sandwiches,  
a couple of bags of potato chips, and juice. "I don't suppose you have  
any fruit? Maybe an apple?"  
  
"We got apple pie," she offered.  
  
"Not quite what I had in mind, but okay. Two slices."  
  
Five minutes later, they were on their way with brown paper bags in hand.  
John was determined to make the most out of what remained of the day,  
and Adam Harris was the furthest thing from his mind.  
  
***************  
  
"That's definitely a dog," Rose declared. "A golden retriever."  
  
"No way," John disagreed. "It's the dinosaur with the long neck.  
The leaf eater. If Josh was here, he'd know the name."  
  
Having consumed all of their picnic lunch, they were now resting on their  
backs, gazing up at the drifting clouds. This was a familiar patch of  
land on the Carter estate. As a boy, he'd often come to this very spot,  
climbing trees and wiling away the long summer days.  
  
Although it was still warm, the wind seemed to be picking up. He could  
hear leaves rustling on nearby branches and the blades of grass rippled  
in waves across the ground. "Those clouds are starting to get dark.  
Maybe we should start heading back," he suggested.  
  
"Oh no. I'm having too nice a time. Just a little while longer?"  
Rolling over so she was facing him, she gave him a beguiling smile.  
  
"All right. Just don't blame me if we get wet."  
  
"What's a little rain? We won't melt." She scooted over a little  
closer, resting her head against his side. "We've been so busy this  
summer. I can't believe it's almost over."  
  
"Yeah, it has gone by fast," he agreed. "And things have changed so  
much these past few months. My back feels so much better, and I feel  
like I belong in the ER again..." Propping himself up on one elbow,  
he turned towards her. "Have I even told you how glad I am that  
you're in my life?"  
  
"I...you...might have mentioned it," she stammered, a hint of pinkness  
staining her cheeks.  
  
He reached out to brush a soft lock of hair from her eyes. "Well,  
I'd better make it official, then. Rose, I haven't been this happy  
for a long, long time. Thank you for taking a risk on me."  
  
"You don't have to thank me," she murmured. "The feeling is mutual.  
You make me happy too."  
  
Drawing even closer together, their lips met in a light kiss.  
Before they could deepen the moment, splatters of raindrops began  
to fall around them and splashed on their skin. With some reluctance,  
they got to their feet and started folding up the blanket they'd  
been lying on.  
  
"Hurry, it's going to start pouring," he warned, gathering up the  
remains of their meal and stuffing it back into the paper bags.  
  
"It won't be so bad. Look, the sun is shining."  
  
Indeed, the weather was a bit strange. While the rain continued to  
fall, with slightly more force than before, the sun peeked out from  
behind the grey clouds. The rays of light made everything seem to  
sparkle and Rose looked positively delighted. With deliberate steps,  
she came to stand before him and plucked the now soggy bag out of his  
hand. Her eyes never straying from his, she dropped both the blanket  
and the bag onto the grass.  
  
Puzzled, he cocked an eyebrow at her. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Dance with me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me. Dance with me, John."  
  
He continued to blink the drops from his eyes, without much success.  
"Here? Now?"  
  
"Here and now," she affirmed, gazing up at him.  
  
"But we don't have any music."  
  
"Just shut up and take me in your arms."  
  
Closing his mouth, he did as he was told and gathered her close,  
lost in the depths of her lovely eyes. It suddenly didn't seem  
silly at all to be dancing in the rain. It seemed...right.  
The only thing missing was music so instead, they swayed in time  
to the beating of their hearts.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	10. Chapter 10

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Autumn came and went, and October blended into November. Rose didn't  
even want to start thinking about Christmas but it seemed impossible  
to avoid. Stores had their lights and decorations displayed,  
and cheerful carols were being piped through the speakers. Although  
a few flakes of snow had fallen, they had not been graced with any  
significant snowfall yet. But it was only a matter of time.  
  
This quiet Sunday afternoon, Rose was in John's kitchen making a pot  
of beef and vegetable soup. They had initially been planning to go  
out to dinner but as the day wore on, they had decided to stay in.  
Soup was simple to make and something she enjoyed preparing. It was  
also a good way to use up the leftover vegetables that were rattling  
around in the drawers of the refrigerator.  
  
John sat at the kitchen table with a stack of medical journals in  
front of him. Every so often, he paused in his reading to jot down  
some notes, his brow mildly furrowed in concentration.  
  
"John?"  
  
"Hmmm?" he murmured.  
  
"Can we go out now?"  
  
He finally tore his eyes away from the article to glance down at Joshua's  
hopeful face. "I'm almost finished. Just give me ten more minutes."  
  
"But you said that last time!" the boy complained with indignation.  
"Please?"  
  
"It's going to start getting dark soon," Rose advised, stirring the  
contents of the pot. After dipping the spoon in and lightly blowing  
on the fragrant liquid, she tasted it. Perhaps a pinch more salt.  
  
Placing his pad of paper on the open page, John closed the cover.  
"All right, go get your coat."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Once outside, they began walking with no particular destination  
in mind. Joshua loved to roam the grounds but he understood the  
rule that he was not to wander around by himself. It was usually  
John that accompanied him on these walks, showing him various parts  
of the estate. His favourite thing to do by far was to visit the  
horses, and so they spent some time in the stable. Joshua wanted  
to run back to the house to get a carrot as a treat, but John told  
him all the carrots had gone into the soup.  
  
The air was growing noticeably colder and John could hear the boy  
starting to sniffle. It took some cajoling, but they finally started  
back towards the guesthouse.  
  
"Look! A dog!" Joshua cried with delight, pointing towards an animal  
that was sniffing something amongst the brown grass.  
  
"That's not a dog, Josh. It's a fox."  
  
As if aware of the attention it was drawing, the sleek animal raised  
its head to regard them with keen, brown eyes. It stood stock still  
for a moment and then took off like a shot. Joshua raced after it,  
as John reluctantly followed him. He was becoming chilled himself,  
and wished he'd remembered his gloves. "Hey, come on, kiddo! It's  
getting cold out here," he called out.  
  
Too intent on catching the fox, Joshua ignored him and rounded the  
bend that led towards the main house. Picking up speed, John jogged  
after him. Coming up the path, he didn't immediately see the boy,  
but his eye caught a flash of movement up ahead. A small form  
bundled in a blue jacket could be seen behind the bare branches of  
bushes lining the pathway.  
  
While they had been in the stable, a light snowfall had started.  
It was beginning to accumulate now and John glanced to the left to  
regard his parked Jeep. If the snow continued to fall overnight,  
he would have to get up a little bit earlier than usual to clear  
off his car. Ahhh, the joys of winter.  
  
"Jesus, watch where you're going!" exclaimed an angry male voice,  
the sound booming through the stillness of the air.  
  
Slightly alarmed, John squinted towards the sound and started running  
at the same time. The light of day was starting to dim, but he could  
make out the figure of a tall man in a dark coat. He must have just  
come out of the main house.  
  
As John approached him, Joshua darted out from hiding and proceeded  
to hide again; this time behind his legs. John could feel the warmth  
of the small body pressed against him, one hand clutching at the  
fabric of his jeans. Reaching behind him, he awkwardly patted the  
child's back. "Hey, you okay?"  
  
"Well, John, it's been a while."  
  
Turning his attention back to the man, it took all of his willpower  
not to reveal his shock, as he stared into the eyes of Adam Harris.  
"Yes it has," he said slowly. "How are you?"  
  
"Fine. That is, I was fine until this kid almost came barrelling  
into me. He's not yours, is he?"  
  
"No, I'm just, uh, babysitting for a colleague of mine."  
  
Adam made a noise that sounded like a cross between a snort of  
disgust and a hoot of laughter. "You couldn't pay me to do something  
like that, but I guess you doctors are the noble type. Anyway, I was  
just here to see your grandfather. Helluva man. We go way back."  
  
John wasn't sure how to respond to that so he remained silent,  
continuing to rub Joshua's back in a reassuring way. Rose was  
going to have a fit when she found out about this.  
  
Before the silence could stretch out much longer, Adam excused  
himself with his usual abrupt manner, leaving John feeling  
summarily dismissed. He watched the man climb into his car,  
the engine soon roaring to life. The windshield wipers swept  
away the light, white coating and the car sped away, a little  
too fast for the slippery conditions.  
  
He crouched down to speak with Joshua, who hadn't said a word.  
"Are you all right?" he asked.  
  
The boy nodded and then mumbled, "I just wanted to see the fox.  
Is he mad?"  
  
"No, he's not mad."  
  
Joshua didn't seem to believe him. "He looked mad. He gets mad  
a lot."  
  
Caught off guard by that remark, it took John a moment to realize  
Josh must recognize Adam from his visits to Rose in the office.  
"Does he ever get mad at you?"  
  
Considering the question carefully, Joshua rolled his eyes upwards.  
"Sometimes. Like one time I was running and I smacked into him and  
I made him cough."  
  
John blinked. "Cough?"  
  
"Yeah. He coughed in the coffee and it went down his shirt and it got  
all brown."  
  
Pressing his lips together, he managed to contain his laugh. "What  
happened then?"  
  
"He yelled at me. I think he called me a bad name 'cause Mommy yelled  
at him too."  
  
John couldn't quite conceal his smile, but he soon grew serious again.  
"If he's ever mean to you, I want you to tell me, okay?"  
  
"'Kay."  
  
With Joshua's mittened hand safely tucked in John's grasp, they started  
heading back to the guesthouse. They were quiet for a little while  
until Joshua piped up, "He's mean to Mommy a lot. He yells at her."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Are you gonna yell at him now?"  
  
"No. Your mom can take care of herself." After listening to many  
tales of Rose's woes at work, there were times when he'd have liked  
nothing better than to throttle Adam Harris. The man was an arrogant  
son of a bitch. But of course, he said none of this out loud.  
  
"He's not a nice man," Joshua stated decisively.  
  
"No, he's not," John agreed.  
  
**************  
  
The slamming of the front door announced that her two men had come  
home. Rose placed the tossed salad on the table and came to greet them.  
Before she could even say hello, Joshua was practically jumping up and  
down, a bundle of energized excitement. As she helped him take his  
coat off, he told her about the horses and the missed carrot opportunity,  
the fox, and the snow. He saved the best for last.  
  
"Guess who we saw, Mommy?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The mean man at work. If he's mean to me, I can tell John. But you  
can take care of yourself."  
  
Hanging the damp coat over a chair to dry, she tried to decipher this  
interesting bit of information. Mean man at work. He couldn't  
possibly be referring to.... With a questioning lift of one eyebrow,  
she caught John's gaze. "Is he talking about who I think he's talking  
about?"  
  
"Afraid so."  
  
"How could this happen again?" she exclaimed with disbelief. Was this  
some sort of sign? A warning? Or was it merely another strange  
coincidence?  
  
Though he looked perturbed, John merely shrugged, apparently having no  
answer to her spoken and unspoken questions.  
  
Joshua bounded over to the kitchen. "I'm hungry," he announced.  
"Can we eat, Mommy?"  
  
She couldn't think about this now. "Sure, sweetie. Let's eat."  
  
After dinner, Joshua went into the spare bedroom to play with his  
toys. Because they often spent time at the guesthouse, he kept  
some of his favourite books and playthings here.  
  
John helped Rose with the dishes and they worked side by side in  
relative silence. He was waiting for her to broach the subject first.  
When the last bowl had been put away in the cupboard and she still  
hadn't made the first move, he couldn't stand it any longer. "Well?"  
he asked, resisting the urge to drum his fingers on the countertop.  
  
"Well," she repeated thoughtfully. "I'm thinking."  
  
"You've been thinking for quite a while."  
  
"I know."  
  
Obviously, she wasn't going to be rushed into anything. He stepped  
over to the kettle. "Want a cup of tea?"  
  
"You read my mind."  
  
Several minutes later, they brought their teas to the living room  
and settled onto the comfortable couch. After a couple of sips,  
she finally began the discussion. "So, what was he doing here?"  
  
"He came to see Grandfather. Something about business, I guess."  
  
"Hmmm. Do you think he recognized Josh?"  
  
"No. I think it all happened so fast and Josh had his hood on.  
Then he was basically hiding behind me, so I'm pretty sure Adam  
didn't get a good look at him. Besides, if he had recognized Josh  
as your son, he would have said something, right?"  
  
"I suppose so, yes." Reaching down, she placed her mug on the  
coffee table and leaned back again into the cushion. "Unless,"  
she continued slowly. "he's up to something."  
  
This line of thought took him by surprise. "Like what?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know. I just wouldn't put anything past him. Maybe he'll  
mention it to me at work tomorrow, just to see my reaction. Or maybe  
he'll go straight to Robert and casually ask why you would be out  
on a Sunday afternoon with my son."  
  
"And what would that accomplish?" he wondered, genuinely puzzled.  
  
"Who knows? I'm just talking off the top of my head. I don't  
pretend to understand anything that man does. But I know I don't  
trust him." She paused briefly and then went on. "John, I think  
we have to tell Robert. About us."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I...well, I mean, I shouldn't be speaking for both of us, but we  
agreed to keep this a secret from him because we weren't sure how  
serious things would get between us. And I think we're...I'm at  
the point where I can say, it's getting serious." As she fumbled  
over her words, her cheeks took on a red glow. "Feel free to jump  
in any time, here," she murmured.  
  
He chuckled softly, amused by her discomfiture. She usually projected  
such an image of confidence, he enjoyed these rare glimpses into her  
vulnerability. He found it entirely endearing. "You're so cute  
when you blush," he teased.  
  
The glow in her face seemed to brighten by several watts. "Well?"  
she demanded. "Are you going to make me ask?"  
  
Did he dare play dumb? No, he couldn't do it. "Yes, Rose, I feel  
the same way as you. I want to tell the whole world that we're  
together and the consequences be damned. I think Uncle Robert  
will understand." But there was another person involved in this  
dilemma that probably wouldn't be as understanding.  
  
She was apparently on the same wavelength. "What about Laird?"  
  
He sighed. "I don't know which part of this he'd hate more.  
The fact that we're seeing each other, or the fact that you're  
working in his company."  
  
"Maybe we should just speak with Robert and let him decide what  
to tell your grandfather," she suggested. "This affects him too,  
after all, since he hired me. Maybe he won't want to tell Laird  
anything."  
  
"But what if you're right about Adam and he is suspicious that  
something is going on between us. He might mention it to Grandfather."  
  
Rose brought one hand to her temple, as if she had a nagging  
headache. "I don't know," she groaned. "I'm so confused."  
  
John took hold of her other hand, squeezing it gently. "Look, we'll  
just go and talk to Uncle Robert. At least get things in the open  
with him. And we should probably bring Kevin into this too.  
Then we can all decide what's best."  
  
She nodded. "All right. That's what we'll do."  
  
The patter of footsteps preceded Joshua's entrance into the room.  
He appeared before them, his eyes shining with excitement. "Look outside,  
Mommy! It's snowing lots. Can we stay here?" He ran to the front  
window, pulling back the curtain to peer through the glass. John and  
Rose followed behind him and took in the view. The snow was indeed  
falling in thicker clumps than before, swirling and dancing in the wind.  
"Can we?" he asked again, craning his neck to look up at both adults.  
  
"It's all right with me," John stated. "Maybe you should stay off  
the roads tonight."  
  
Rose considered the matter. She and Josh had stayed overnight at  
the guesthouse several times now, but she had always been prepared.  
She was wearing jeans and an old sweater today, and that just wouldn't  
do for work tomorrow. Maybe if they left early enough in the morning,  
they could stop at home to at least change clothes. It wasn't that  
much out of the way. And she really hated to drive in this kind of  
weather in the dark, if she didn't have to. "Okay, Josh, we'll stay,"  
she told her son.  
  
"Yea!"  
  
"It's very kind of John to let us stay here. What should we say?"  
she gently prodded.  
  
"Thank you," Joshua said emphatically. "Will you read me a story,  
John?"  
  
"Sure, kiddo."  
  
They remained by the window, as Joshua retreated to the other room  
to pick out a book. A slight draft could be felt, seeping in through  
hidden crevices, and she shivered slightly. She soon was surrounded  
by warmth, as John wrapped his arms around her. "Are you worried?"  
he asked softly.  
  
"I'm trying not to think about it."  
  
"Whatever happens, you'll have my support. I hope you know that."  
  
"I know." She tilted her head back to glance up at him. "But it's  
still nice to hear. Thanks for letting us stay."  
  
"Anytime." He smiled down at her, dropping a light kiss on her  
forehead.  
  
***************  
  
Tapping one end of the pen against the pad of paper, he was so  
engrossed in his reading that he didn't immediately notice her  
standing there. He looked up, startled. "Hi. Going to bed?"  
  
"Yeah. I just came to say goodnight."  
  
"How about the little one?"  
  
"Fast asleep." She smiled. "He loves it when you read to him."  
  
He returned her smile, his thoughts straying to his own childhood.  
Neither of his parents had ever read to him, but Bobby often had.  
Comic books had been a favourite; the continuing sagas of Superman  
or Spiderman. Not really comforting bedtime reading but entertaining,  
nonetheless, and a shared pleasure they alone had enjoyed.  
  
Dragging his mind back to the present, he finally noted her attire.  
His eyes seemed to travel of their own will, from her bare toes,  
up the line of her slim and shapely legs, to her upper torso clad  
in a buttoned shirt. His shirt. Swallowing hard, his gaze continued  
their upward climb to meet her eyes.  
  
"I hope you don't mind. I didn't feel like sleeping in my jeans."  
  
"It's, uh...it's fine," he stammered, trying not to think about the  
nakedness beneath the innocent, white fabric.  
  
"You're going to keep reading?" she asked.  
  
"For a little while longer."  
  
Placing her arms around his shoulders, she kissed him once on  
the lips and then on the cheek. After a slight pause, her mouth  
returned to his, lingering a little longer this time. He closed  
his eyes, savouring the minty taste of toothpaste and the underlying,  
intriguing taste of Rose. His eyes opened reluctantly when the  
contact was broken. "Goodnight," she whispered.  
  
"'Night."  
  
The sound of the bedroom door being closed reached his ears and  
outside, the forceful wind continued to whistle and moan.  
Finding the section where he'd left off, he read the passage again.  
And again. This was hopeless. The alluring image of Rose in his  
shirt was all he could think about. With a shake of his head,  
he tossed the pen on the table. *Get a grip, Carter!*  
  
Deciding to call it a night, he got ready for bed and finally slipped  
under the covers. Rolling onto his side, he let his mind drift  
aimlessly. He found it somehow comforting to know that Rose and  
Josh were nearby, warm and safe. They were an important part of  
his life now and no one - not Grandfather and certainly not  
Adam Harris - was going to take them away.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	11. Chapter 11

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The right opportunity didn't come up for another week, but John and Rose  
finally sat down with Kevin to talk about their decision. They met at  
a restaurant near the hospital, just after John's shift. While Kevin  
marvelled at the double coincidence of running into Adam on two separate  
occasions, he didn't express any surprise when his lunch partners  
revealed the true reason for this meeting.  
  
"So when do you guys want to talk to Dad?" he asked, after swallowing  
a mouthful of coffee.  
  
John looked to Rose, and she lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug.  
"The sooner the better, I suppose," she replied.  
  
"Today might be good," Kevin suggested. "Dad mentioned that Mom is  
meeting some friends tonight so she won't be home. This might be a  
little easier without her there." He wasn't sure how much his mother  
knew about Rose's background but if he had to guess, he'd say she was  
in the dark. And if he was right, having John and an unknown woman  
show up at her home would cause her endless suspicion and curiosity.  
She wouldn't rest until she knew every detail of this tricky situation.  
He loved his mother but for all concerned, it would be best to keep her  
in the dark for a little longer.  
  
Although he and Rose saw each other on a daily basis at work, it had  
been a while since he'd seen John. His cousin appeared to be healthy  
and happy; pretty simple terms for two characteristics that were  
so important in life.  
  
"I'll give Dad a call, just to make sure he's okay with us coming by.  
Does seven o'clock sound..." A sudden thought made him interrupt his  
own flow of words. "Damn, I just remembered something. I'll have to  
call Kelly."  
  
"Kelly?" John questioned.  
  
Rose leaned towards him, speaking in a conspiratorial tone. "His  
latest fling."  
  
"Give me a break! We just started dating."  
  
"What happened to Tammy?" John asked, his lips twitching slightly in  
an effort to withhold a grin.  
  
"That kind of died out about a month after you moved out."  
  
"And she's still bitter about it," Rose added. "You should see the  
looks she gives you sometimes."  
  
Kevin rolled his eyes. "I've seen the looks. I know, I know,  
you warned me about an office romance. I should've listened to you."  
Tammy had been fun, exciting, and sexy-as-hell but frankly, she'd also  
been a bitch. She'd made it abundantly clear that she didn't like  
John and that alone should have been a clue to how unsuitable she  
was for him. Back then, he hadn't seen it that way but hindsight was  
always so much clearer.  
  
John looked at him with mild surprise. "I didn't know she worked  
with you too. I guess that would make things awkward."  
  
"Well, hey, at least Kelly doesn't work there. I just have to tell  
her our plans are being postponed for tonight."  
  
"All kidding aside, Kevin, we could do this another night," Rose offered.  
  
"Nah, it was only a movie. We can see it some other time. This is more  
important." He could see the immediate relief in her face and knew he  
had made the right decision. In hushed tones at the office, Rose had told  
him that she didn't like the secretive aspect of her relationship with John.  
While she had agreed it was a necessity in the beginning, she had moved  
beyond that stage and now found it uncomfortable. He didn't want to delay  
this meeting with his father any longer. It was time.  
  
***************  
  
As the Jeep slowed to a halt, John peered through glass that was  
partially obscured by frost. "I don't think Kevin's here yet," he said.  
  
"We're a little early," Rose remarked. As she spoke, twin shafts of  
light cut through the darkness and they both turned to see a car  
pulling up behind them. "There he is."  
  
John moved the Jeep forward to a proper parking spot and cut the engine.  
Turning to look at Rose, he could read the nervous apprehension in the  
whiteness of her face. They had barely spoken two words to each other  
on the ride over, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. He reached  
over now to squeeze her gloved hand, hoping to lend some support in the  
small gesture. "Ready?"  
  
Taking a breath, she nodded. "Ready."  
  
Meeting Kevin on the path that led up to the house, they stopped for  
a moment to look at each other. Kevin spread out his arms and patted  
them on the shoulders. "Don't look so serious, guys. It's all going  
to work out fine. You'll see."  
  
Rose wished she possessed his optimism. She couldn't seem to shake the  
feeling that this wasn't going to go well at all. As she trudged up  
the pathway, her hand firmly in John's grasp, she tried to steer herself  
into a more positive frame of mind. There was nothing to be afraid of.  
She'd done nothing wrong. She would be open and honest with Robert  
and how he'd react was beyond her control. That was all she could do.  
  
Once inside the house, they busied themselves with removing boots and  
coats. As Kevin hung their outer garments in the closet, Robert appeared  
before them. With a warm smile, he greeted them all, stopping to kiss  
Rose on the cheek.  
  
She gave him a tentative smile, searching his face for a clue as to  
how he might be feeling. She saw nothing beyond his usual friendliness  
and kindness. Although he had no idea why they were all here, she had  
still expected him to exhibit some sign of wariness or suspicion.  
Sensing nothing of the kind from him, she began to relax a little.  
Perhaps this would go smoothly after all.  
  
Robert led them to the formal living room. As they sat down, he asked  
if anyone cared for a drink. When they all declined, he settled onto  
his chair, closet to the fireplace.  
  
A few seconds of complete silence ticked by; the only sound came from the  
crackling and popping of logs in the fireplace. Before the moment could  
grow completely awkward, Robert spoke up. "I haven't seen you for  
a while, John. You're looking very well."  
  
"Thanks. I'm feeling good."  
  
"Millicent tells me you're back at work at the hospital. I suppose  
some time off was just the thing you needed."  
  
"Yeah, it helped," John agreed, with a quick glance towards Rose.  
"I guess it helped me get a better perspective on things."  
  
"Well, glad to hear it." Robert's steady gaze fell on Rose next.  
"And it's been a while since we've seen each other. How are you?"  
  
"Just fine, thank you," she replied. As President of their division,  
Robert's office was on a different floor and he was often away on  
business. She only saw him occasionally in passing or during important  
meetings. While it was lovely to chat with him like this, she wanted  
to get to the matter at hand. She felt that John and Kevin wouldn't  
bring up the subject until she was ready, and it was up to her to  
broach it. "I'm sure you're wondering why we're all here."  
  
"The thought has occurred, yes."  
  
"I...well..." Her voice trailed off as she put a stop to her stammering  
introduction. She tried again, trying to slow her racing thoughts.  
"First, I want you to know, Robert, that I will respect any decision  
that you come to tonight. I'm grateful for the opportunity you've given  
me within the company but if things come to an end, I'll understand."  
For the first time, she glimpsed some concern and confusion in Robert's  
face at her declaration. She continued on, unconsciously leaning forward  
in her chair. "Here's the big issue. John and I have been seeing each  
other for the past five and a half months. We waited this long to tell  
you about it, because we weren't sure how serious our relationship  
would get. And, well, it's pretty serious." She broke off for a moment  
to slip John a tiny smile. "I don't see it ending any time soon."  
  
"Not by a long shot," John cut in quietly. "I know about the history  
with Rose's father and how he almost ruined Carter Enterprises. I also  
know how you hired her anyway. But I think that Rose has proven herself  
to be an asset to your company. I hope you don't punish her because of  
our relationship."  
  
"John!" Rose said, rather sharply. She was also inwardly praying that  
she could remain at the company, but that decision should rest with  
Robert and possibly with Laird. She wasn't going to beg to keep her  
position.  
  
"I've known about this from the beginning, Dad," Kevin stated.  
"You know as well as I do that Rose shouldn't be blamed for what her  
father did. That's why you hired her. And I hope you try to convince  
Grandfather of that fact."  
  
"Kevin!" Rose felt her cheeks start to redden. She hadn't expected  
these two to start defending her and she could only imagine what Robert  
thought. Her turtleneck sweater seemed to be choking her and she tugged  
at the snug material around her throat. Parting her lips to speak again,  
she abruptly closed her mouth at the sound of chuckling. She stared in  
wonder at Robert, completely at a loss as to how he could find humour  
in this situation.  
  
After his short bout of laughter, Robert cleared his throat, looking  
towards Rose with an apologetic smile. "Forgive me for laughing. I can  
see by your face that you're quite confused. You don't have anything  
to worry about, Rose. Yes, I hired you, knowing all about your background.  
You've more than proven your worth at the company and I'd be a damned  
fool to let you go."  
  
She stopped fiddling with the neckline of her sweater and let her hand  
fall to her lap. With his reassuring words, she seemed able to breathe  
easier. "What about Laird? I've never even met the man but I know he  
won't be as understanding as you."  
  
"Do you think we should tell him, Dad?" Kevin asked.  
  
Robert took his time in responding but when he did, his tone was firm.  
"Yes, I think we should. Let's get this out in the open, once and  
for all." He paused to take a quick glance at his watch. "In fact,  
if you wait around for another hour or so, we can do this tonight."  
  
"What, Grandfather is coming here?" John asked, with obvious surprise.  
  
"Yes, he wants to go over some details before his trip to New York  
tomorrow. This was set up before Kevin told me you'd be coming by.  
I figured our meeting would be over by the time Dad got here."  
Looking at Rose, he added, "Assuming, of course, that you'd like  
to do this tonight."  
  
"Yes," she said, without hesitation. She was in agreement with Robert  
and wanted to get this over with. She'd spent too much time and energy  
trying to hide the truth from Adam and Laird. It wasn't fair to everyone  
involved.  
  
Robert asked how the two of them had met and they retold the story,  
starting with that fateful day when Rose had brought Joshua to the  
Emergency Room at County General. Robert seemed delighted to hear  
their various tales but unfortunately, Rose's heart wasn't in it.  
In the back of her mind, all she could think about was the impending  
confrontation. And she had no doubt that it would be a confrontation.  
She supposed she could consider this the opportunity to get to know  
Laird Carter first-hand; her chance to form an opinion of him based  
on a face-to-face meeting rather than hearsay. Though she dearly  
wanted to approach this with an open mind, she couldn't help being  
clouded with a feeling of dread.  
  
The melodic chime of the front door bell brought all conversation  
to a halt. Robert rose from his seat. "He's early. Well, here we go."  
  
As his uncle disappeared to answer the door, John tried to think of  
something encouraging to say. Nothing came to mind, however, and he  
resorted to briefly squeezing Rose's hand again.  
  
Although he could only hear a murmuring of Robert's voice, he clearly  
heard Laird demanding to know why his grandsons were here. After a split  
second of surprise, John realized that he must have recognized their  
parked cars.  
  
A minute later, Laird strode into the room, closely followed by Robert.  
The Carter patriarch's sharp eyes immediately came to rest on Rose.  
"Who are you?" he asked rudely.  
  
Without flinching from his gaze, she stepped forward with one hand  
outstretched. "Rose Philips. It's an honour to meet you, Mr. Carter."  
  
The older man shook her hand automatically, his thick eyebrows  
knitting together as he contemplated her name. "Philips," he repeated.  
"Rose Philips, you say?"  
  
John practically jumped to his side. This was happening too fast.  
Way too fast. "Why don't you sit down, Grandfather. What would you  
like to drink?"  
  
"I don't want anything," Laird muttered.  
  
John could almost visualize the turnings of Laird's mind and it  
didn't take long before the widening eyes indicated he'd made the  
connection. Laird stared at Rose, taking in the dark, wavy hair  
that bordered on being curly; the shape and colour of the eyes that  
returned his stare. "Ethan's daughter," he breathed, his face  
registering shock.  
  
"That's right," she quietly affirmed.  
  
"What the hell is going on here!" he roared.  
  
The booming sound raised the hairs on the back of John's neck. It had  
been a long time since he'd heard his grandfather so angry. He noted  
that the tips of the man's ears were turning red. The inflamed colour  
was creeping up his neck and would soon infuse his entire face; not a  
good sign.  
  
Everyone began talking at once and that only seemed to infuriate him  
more. "One at a time, for God's sakes. Robert, explain yourself."  
  
"I will, Dad. But first, why don't we all sit down, like John suggested.  
Let's try to keep things civilized."  
  
"Fuck civilized. I want to know what that traitor's daughter is  
doing in your house."  
  
"Dad, I'm warning you, watch your mouth!" Robert barked, in an equally  
authoritative voice. "You're right, this is my house and while  
you're in it, you will treat everyone here with respect." Taking a  
deep breath, he visibly tried to calm himself. "Can we please  
start again?"  
  
Laird's jaw was so tightly clenched, John was surprised he could  
speak at all. "I prefer to stand," he stated stubbornly.  
  
"Fine." Robert brought two fingers to his temple, seeming to gather  
his thoughts together. "It's hard to know where to begin, so I'm just  
going to say this bluntly. Five years ago, I hired Rose into  
Carter Enterprises."  
  
For a moment, Laird's eyes seemed to strain out of their sockets.  
"What? Into Mergers and Acquisitions?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Care to tell me why?" In an effort to keep his voice down, he sounded  
unnaturally choked.  
  
"She's intelligent. A keen sense of business. Ruthless if need be,  
but knows when to approach with caution too. When I hired her,  
she didn't have much experience. But over the years, she's grown  
in leaps and bounds. She's helped bring millions of dollars into  
this company."  
  
"And if she's at all like her father, she'll help take millions out  
of it," Laird shot back.  
  
"I would never do that!" Rose protested indignantly.  
  
He looked down his nose to give her a withering look. "Am I supposed  
to take your word on that? How naive do you think I am? For all I know,  
you wormed your way into the company with the very intention of gaining  
Robert's trust and then stabbing him in the back."  
  
"That's not true."  
  
Though Rose was fighting a losing battle, she insisted on defending herself.  
And John couldn't let her stand on the field alone. "There's something  
else you should know," he said. "Rose and I have been seeing each other  
for the last few months."  
  
"Seeing each other," Laird echoed, sounding somewhat mystified. "What do  
you mean?"  
  
"What do you think I mean?"  
  
John stepped closer to Rose, placing an arm around her shoulder.  
He gave his grandfather a pointed look and took some satisfaction from  
the dawning realization that grew on the man's face.  
  
"I don't believe this! You're telling me that you have a relationship  
with this woman?"  
  
Laird's index finger was now pointed straight at Rose and John had to  
fight the urge to slap it away. "That's right. I happen to care about  
her very much. You can't hold her responsible for what her father did  
years ago. That's ancient history."  
  
"It's not ancient, John. It's *my* history. And Carter Enterprises  
is part of your history too, whether you choose to believe it or not.  
You've always taken our wealth for granted. Do you know how hard I  
fought to build this company? But you can't understand that, can you."  
  
"Oh, here we go with the speech!" John cut in angrily. His temper  
had been simmering on a slow burn but the bubbles were now bursting  
to the surface. "I knew you would find a way to turn this around  
on me. When are you going to learn that you can't control my life?"  
  
"Maybe when you stop acting like an adolescent boy who gets his head  
turned by any pretty face that comes along." Laird turned on Rose,  
once again with an accusing finger. "You planned this from the  
beginning, didn't you? Admit it! From working in my company to  
latching on to my grandson, you knew what you were doing all along."  
  
"That isn't how it happened," Rose insisted. "I...I don't know what  
else to say. There's no way I can prove it to you."  
  
With an abrupt movement, Laird spun around and walked several paces  
to stand by a chair, leaning one hand against it. John traded glances  
with Rose, glad to see that although she was upset, she was still able  
to hold her ground. The sudden silence after their shouting match  
almost seemed eerie. John shifted his weight from one foot to the  
other, his stomach muscles tensing. This wasn't over. The man was  
up to something.  
  
When Laird finally turned his attention back to the group, his face  
was a mask of stiff composure. "You may all think I'm some kind of  
a monster. Believe what you want. But I'm doing what I think is  
best. Ms Philips, you're fired."  
  
Kevin spoke up for the first time since his grandfather had walked in.  
"You can't do that!"  
  
"Quiet, Kevin," Laird snapped. "This doesn't concern you."  
  
"But it does concern me," Robert said. "You can't fire Rose."  
  
"The hell I can't."  
  
"She works for me and I say she stays. Unless you want to find  
someone else to run Mergers and Acquisitions."  
  
The threat was issued and seemed to hang in the air like a palpable  
cloud. John held his breath and as his gaze flickered over the others  
in the room, he knew he wasn't alone.  
  
Laird's lips quivered and his voice sounded close to a sneer. "All  
right, have it your way. You have the right to run Mergers as you  
like. Just as I have the right to do this." His eyes bore into  
John's with fearsome intensity. "If you continue to see this woman,  
you will be disinherited. You won't have a single penny of Carter  
money or a single ounce of my support. I will no longer consider  
you to be my grandson. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Although a part of John had almost been expecting this reaction,  
the iciness of his grandfather's words still stung. Disappointment  
and hurt left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he nodded.  
"Perfectly clear."  
  
"And what's your answer?"  
  
"I choose Rose." He didn't even have to think about the decision.  
It was the only answer that made any sense. It was that simple.  
  
Without a second glance, Laird began marching out of the room.  
"Fine. I want you out of the carriage house by the end of the week."  
  
And it was over.  
  
Robert followed his father to the door, leaving the three younger  
people standing in the living room. They all looked a little  
shell-shocked.  
  
Kevin was the first to break the silence. "He didn't mean it, John.  
He's just letting off steam. He'll come around."  
  
John emitted a humourless laugh, running a weary hand through his hair.  
He plopped down on the nearest chair. "You've gotta be kidding me.  
When has he ever said a word he didn't mean? Maybe this is for the  
best. I've never lived up to his standards as a Carter or as his  
grandson. Now I don't have to worry about disappointing him."  
  
"You're still part of his family," Rose said. "Nothing can change that."  
  
Feeling another surge of anger, John shot to his feet again. "And what  
has being a part of his family ever brought me? Money? Yeah, sure.  
What about support? He says if we keep seeing each other I'll lose  
his support. Well I say, how can he take away something that he's  
never given me in the first place? I don't need him and I sure as  
hell don't need his fucking money!"  
  
As Robert appeared at the doorway, John clamped his jaw shut, feeling  
his cheeks flood with heat. "Sorry, Uncle Robert," he murmured.  
  
If his uncle was offended by his outburst, he gave no indication of it.  
Rose went to him immediately and grabbed his hand. "Thank you for  
what you did, Robert. For standing up for me like that. I can't  
tell you how much it means to me." She impulsively reached up to give  
him a hug. "I hope you're not in too much trouble."  
  
He gave her a brief smile. "Don't worry, I can handle my father. But I  
have to tell you honestly, I don't know if he'll ever accept you, Rose."  
He turned his head to look in John's direction. "You have to prepare  
yourselves for that. Both of you."  
  
"I already have," John said in a firm tone.  
  
Rose was struggling with her own feelings, but she tried to speak  
honestly. "I guess I'm still hopeful that Laird will come around,  
like Kevin says. It isn't right. It isn't fair that John should be  
cut off from his family because of me." Coming to stand before him,  
she looked up to meet his eyes. "I'll understand, John, if you  
change your mind."  
  
She found herself wrapped in another hug, as his arms embraced her  
tightly, rocking her slightly back and forth. "Are you crazy?"  
he whispered. "You're stuck with me. Whether you like it or not."  
  
She smiled, savouring the surrounding warmth of his body. "Well,"  
she whispered back, close to his ear, "it's a good thing I like it,  
then."  
  
A little while later, Robert's guests began to depart. Kevin headed  
out first and John stepped out after him to warm up the Jeep.  
As Robert helped Rose into her coat, she had to ask him something  
that had been on her mind. "If you don't mind me asking, Robert,  
what was so funny when Kevin and John started defending me to you?  
About my job, I mean."  
  
For a moment, Robert looked confused, but then he nodded in understanding.  
"Before Dad got here and the four of us were talking? Right. Well,  
Nicole, John's mother, told me a few weeks ago that she suspected a woman  
was in John's life. Someone that was making him very happy. I just  
never expected that woman to be you." With a final kiss on her cheek,  
he stated, "I'm delighted that it's you, Rose. Regardless of what  
my father thinks, you and John have my blessing."  
  
Bidding him goodnight, she blinked away the unexpected moisture from  
her eyes. This night had been an emotional roller coaster and if she  
allowed herself, she could unleash a whole dam of tears. But she  
couldn't let that happen. She had to be strong; for herself and for John.  
  
Bracing herself against the icy wind, she hurried her pace to reach  
both the waiting car, and the man who waited inside.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	12. Chapter 12

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR NOTES, DISCLAIMER, ETC.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The ride back home was just as quiet, if not more so, than the ride  
to Robert's house had been. There was not even the distraction of  
the radio. It was rare of John not to have it at least playing softly  
in the background. He had switched it off with a loud click before  
they had left the driveway, as if he needed the complete silence to  
concentrate on his thoughts.  
  
Rose fiddled with the strap of her seatbelt, sneaking a glance at  
his stony profile. While she longed to comfort him with soothing  
words, she chose to say nothing for now. He still needed the space  
to absorb all that had happened tonight. There would be time enough  
for talk later.  
  
The silence was broken only after the Jeep was safely parked in her  
driveway. As she stepped down from the vehicle, her left foot  
slipped on a small patch of ice and she clung to the door to steady  
herself.   
  
"Hey, careful," came John's voice, suddenly at her side. "You still  
have that bag of salt in the garage?"  
  
"Sand," she corrected, taking his offered hand as he shut the door.  
"It's next to the shovel."  
  
"I'll do it before I leave."  
  
While she had expected that he might be so upset by tonight's events  
that he'd drop her off and leave right away, she was glad he was  
at least coming inside. Opening the front door, she was immediately  
surrounded by the warmth of the air and the aroma of popcorn. Wendy  
came to greet them and stated that it had been a quiet night in front  
of the television. As Rose took out her wallet, she smiled slightly,  
recognizing the song playing in the closing credits. Joshua had been  
watching one of his favourite Disney videos. Since he hadn't come  
running to meet her at the door, she assumed he must have nodded off  
on the couch.  
  
She bade Wendy goodnight, warning her of the slippery driveway and  
roads. After kicking off her boots and coat, she went into the  
living room. The TV screen was dark and John was just rousing her  
son. With eyelids still heavy from sleep, the boy blinked and reached  
out with both arms. John wordlessly obliged, lifting him up against  
his shoulder. As Joshua spotted her, he curled his fingers in a little  
wave.  
  
"Hi, Mommy."  
  
"Hey, sleepyhead. Time for bed."  
  
"I want John."  
  
Rose's gaze flickered to the man holding her son. This was a first.  
John had sometimes read him a story in bed or been with Rose when she  
had tucked the little one in, but this was a solo request. "Do you  
mind?" she asked.  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"But you have to come in after," Joshua piped up, as John started  
turning away.  
  
She managed to keep a straight face. So it wasn't completely solo.  
"Sure. I'll be up soon." She watched John's retreating back, her  
son's head nestled comfortably against the crook of his neck. The fact  
that Joshua wanted John to get him ready for bed seemed inconsequential  
on the surface, but she was aware of its deeper meaning. This simple  
act showed Joshua's complete faith and trust in this man. She wondered  
if John realized it. Then again, it wasn't unlike the trust John  
had showed earlier tonight - in her and their relationship. Did she  
realize the magnitude of his decision to go against Laird's wishes?  
  
Moving mechanically, she began clearing things away. The video was  
returned to its place on the shelf. Glasses and the nearly empty  
bowl were brought into the kitchen. She munched on some stray puffs  
of popcorn, choking slightly as the dryness snagged against her throat.  
As she began washing the dishes and cutlery, her mind replayed the  
ugly scene in Robert's home. Perhaps there were some things she could  
have said differently. If she had really tried to talk to Laird, maybe  
she could have made him understand. Minutes passed as she continued  
washing and thinking.  
  
"Ow!" She jumped and the offending item clattered in the sink.  
Stupid knife. She sighed, rinsing her hand with cold water. She had  
zoned out for a little while. It wasn't smart to be lost in thought  
while handling sharp objects. She blotted her hand with a paper towel  
and examined the damage. The cut wasn't deep but it stung from the   
soapiness. The bleeding was already slowing to a trickle. From above,  
she heard Joshua's faint voice, announcing that her presence was required.  
"Coming," she called out. Pushing her thoughts to the side, she quickly  
finished the dishes and made her way upstairs. First, she would have  
to find a Band-Aid.  
  
John glanced up as Rose came into the bedroom and took a seat on the  
other side of the bed. He said nothing, content with simply watching  
the interaction between mother and son. He always enjoyed being a  
part of this gentle ritual. "All set?" she asked, smoothing the top  
of the comforter and tugging it up an inch.  
  
"Mmm hmm. Why's that on?"  
  
John looked in the direction of Joshua's pointed finger, amused by  
what he hadn't observed before - a deep blue Band-Aid, sporting a   
parade of multi-coloured dinosaurs adorned one of her hands.  
  
"I cut myself."  
  
Joshua's brow wrinkled with obvious worry. "Did it hurt?"  
  
"No, honey, it's just a scratch."  
  
Still looking absolutely serious, the boy leaned up on elbows and  
puckered his lips. Because he closed his eyes at the last second,  
he missed the mark and kissed her thumbnail. He looked up at her  
hopefully. "Is that better?"  
  
"Much better, thank you."  
  
After making sure Teddy was safely tucked in, she completed the  
routine and John dropped his own kiss on Joshua's forehead.  
"Goodnight, kiddo."  
  
"'Night, John."  
  
Once out in the hallway with the door closed, John took her hand  
and rubbed one edge of the thin plastic. "Are you sure you don't  
need me to look at this?"  
  
She curved her fingers around his. "Are you offering your services,  
doctor?"  
  
In answer, his other free hand found its way around her waist,  
drawing her in closer. "I do require a fee," he murmured, lowering  
his head, his eyes unconsciously focused on her mouth.  
  
"I hope it's affordable."   
  
She barely got the words out before he claimed her lips with his own.  
He let go of her hand, cupping the back of her neck and playing with  
the soft, fine hairs. God, how he loved this. Having her in his arms.  
It was about the only time he could forget about the world. All  
thoughts seemed to slip away and his senses came alive; the smell,  
taste, and feel of this warm and wonderful woman.  
  
Several breathless moments later, he pulled back, continuing to support  
her head in his palm. Her eyes opened, sweeping up to meet his gaze.  
"Well..." she breathed.  
  
He smiled. "I'll second that."  
  
"Come on." She led the way down the stairs and into the living room,  
where they both settled on the couch. "Want something to drink?" she asked.  
  
He shook his head. "I'm fine. I'm thinking I should get that bag of  
sand out."  
  
"It's fine, John. I'm not expecting anymore visitors tonight."  
  
"What if Santa decides to come early?"  
  
She emitted a low chuckle. "Well, I just hope he doesn't come up  
the driveway." She hesitated for a second and then spoke rather  
abruptly. "Are you okay?"  
  
He felt himself tense almost immediately and though he willed himself  
to loosen up, it didn't seem to help. "Yeah. I'm okay," he said slowly.  
  
"You haven't said a word about what happened tonight."  
  
"I just don't feel like talking about it."  
  
It took a while, but she finally responded with one quiet word. "Okay."  
  
Relieved that she didn't insist on getting him to open up just yet,  
he relaxed several degrees. In fact, he suddenly felt very weary.  
The long day was catching up to him. "Maybe I should get going."  
  
"No, don't go. Stay a while." As she spoke, she crept forward  
and he leaned in towards her, until their faces were inches apart.  
He saw her swallow hard before the next words were spoken. "Stay  
the night."  
  
He blinked twice, cocking his head slightly. "Are you sure?"  
  
Even in the dim light of the room, he could see the blush of her  
cheeks. She nodded. "I'm sure."  
  
Outwardly trying to remain cool, he could feel his pulse betraying  
him, quickening in his veins. "What made you, uh, I mean...why now?"  
he asked, feeling a little awkward as he stumbled over his words.  
  
She glanced away for a moment, as if mulling over the question.  
"I guess I was waiting," she said finally.  
  
When she failed to continue on, he gently asked, "Waiting for what?"  
  
"I...I needed to be sure. Sure how I felt." Her eyes came to rest  
on him again, dark and luminous. "I love you."  
  
She spoke so quietly, a mere whisper, he thought he must have  
imagined it. Still, his breath seemed to catch in his throat.  
"Did you just say..."  
  
"I love you, John Carter." Her tone was only a notch higher in  
volume this time, but one of absolute firmness.  
  
The pure and simple words reverberated in his head, seeming to stun  
him for a moment. But he recovered quickly, responding with the  
honesty her declaration deserved. "I love you too, Rose." He watched  
her eyes widen a fraction, revealing an underlying note of surprise.  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah, I do."  
  
"When? When did you know?" she demanded.  
  
A brief, low laugh burst out of him. "I don't know. When did you know?"  
  
"I asked you first."  
  
"Okay. I think it was when you almost broke my nose."  
  
"What? I never..." Her indignant voice trailed off as she searched  
her memory. "Oh, you mean that night in the car. That was only our  
second date."  
  
"When I get assaulted by a woman, it can only be true love."  
  
Laughing, she shook her head. "You're a nut."  
  
"So now it's your turn. When did you know?"  
  
"Well, my first inkling was pretty early on too. But I didn't know  
for sure until tonight."  
  
He arched a brow, intrigued by this news. "Oh really. Tonight?"  
  
"Yeah. When you were carrying Josh and I was looking at the both of  
you, it kind of just hit me. I just knew."  
  
They lapsed into silence for several breaths, staring at each other.  
The analytical side of him wondered how this night would impact their  
relationship. While he'd been physically attracted to her from day one,  
he'd never made advances towards that final leap of intimacy. While   
they hadn't actually discussed it, he'd somehow sensed that she wasn't  
ready. Now that the invitation had finally arrived, he felt a strange  
combination of heady anticipation and adolescent nerves.  
  
"Let's go upstairs," she whispered.  
  
Hand in hand, he once more found himself following in her footsteps.  
After a small detour to turn off the light in the kitchen, they wound  
their way through the darkness and up the stairs. Once inside her  
bedroom, he closed the door. His eyes were still adjusting to the  
lack of light and he allowed himself to be pulled forward. His gaze  
took in vague outlines of a dresser and a chair, before he felt her  
small hands on his shoulders, directing him to sit. Wordlessly, he   
sat on the bed and tilted his head up. He could barely make out the  
features of her face.   
  
Apparently, she was having the same thought. "Too dark," she murmured.  
Going to the window, she slid back the curtain a touch, allowing  
just enough moonlight to shine through.  
  
She returned to stand in front of him and he patted the comforter.  
  
As she sat down beside him, he noted an ever-so-slight delay in her  
reaction. If he didn't know her so well, he would have missed it.  
She was nervous too. The realization of that fact quelled his own  
trepidation and instead, he found himself focusing on how to make her  
feel at ease. "Rose," he said softly, reaching out to smooth a lock  
of hair behind her ear. "we don't have to do this if you're not  
ready. Now that we know how we feel about each other, we've got all  
the time in the world." He kept his hand at her neck, stroking her  
soft cheek with the pad of his thumb.  
  
She shook her head briefly. "It's not that I'm not ready. I am.  
I just...it's, um, been a while for me."  
  
"For me too," he stated.  
  
His admission seemed to help lift some of her tension. "I don't  
suppose you have a condom?"  
  
The perfectly reasonable question caught him off-guard and his hand  
dropped to his lap. "Uh, actually, no."  
  
"Good thing I'm prepared then." Twisting to the left, she reached  
into the drawer of the bedside table and removed a small box.   
  
He watched as she placed the item on the table and turned back to him.  
"You've been thinking about this for a while, then?" he wondered  
out loud.  
  
"Well, I bought it on impulse that first day I visited you at the  
hospital. When you took care of little Lyndsay after she ate my  
plants."  
  
"The first day back after my leave?"  
  
"Right."  
  
It really shouldn't matter, but he couldn't quite figure out the  
logic and his curiosity was piqued. "Why that day?"  
  
She shrugged. "I don't know. Like I said, it was an impulse.  
Something about the way you fell asleep right in front of me,  
so exhausted." With an impish glint in her eye, she added,  
"I know, it must have been your snore. That's what I fell in  
love with. It was so loud and..."  
  
He didn't let her finish the sentence, pouncing on her with a  
mock growl. She squeaked with surprise, falling backwards on the  
bed with a barely contained giggle. "My snore, huh?" he said,  
tickling her side, his fingers finding the vulnerable spots  
beneath the knit of her sweater.   
  
She chortled with uncontrolled laughter. "Stop it," she choked,  
slapping at his hands. He obliged, grinning down at her.  
Slowly, he became aware of how his weight had settled along the  
length of her slim form. He shifted, not wanting to crush her.  
  
She brought one arm around his neck, guiding his head lower.  
"It's okay," she said softly, seeming slightly out of breath.  
"I like this."  
  
He had to agree with that statement, as he felt his body beginning  
to respond to having the woman he loved beneath him. It really  
had been a long time. Much too long. The sudden, fierce desire  
that shot through him made his pulse start racing, surprising  
him with its intensity. As she pulled him into a kiss, he closed  
his eyes, losing himself in the sensuality and heat of her mouth.  
After a time, he pulled away, trailing feathery kisses along her  
jawline and moving up to her ears. He knew she was sensitive there.  
A hot breath and a light nibble on her earlobe never failed to  
elicit a shiver from her. He smiled as he felt the slight tremor  
and the audible sigh.  
  
"Like that?" he murmured against her ear.  
  
"You know I do."  
  
He stilled his head, conscious of her leg creeping up against his,  
her foot seeming to entwine around it. With a gasp, he found  
himself flipped onto his back, staring up at her in wonder.  
"Where'd you learn that trick?" he asked.  
  
Her hands were already busying themselves, flying at the buttons  
of his shirt. "A lady never reveals her secrets." She made  
rapid work of the task, parting the fabric to reveal his chest.  
The coolness of the air on his bare skin felt pleasant, but that  
was nothing compared to the sensation of her silken, wet tongue  
surrounding his nipple. He inhaled sharply.  
  
"Oh, God," he groaned.  
  
Although he had involuntarily closed his eyes, he could hear the  
smile in her low voice, gently teasing him. "Like that?"  
  
His eyes snapped open and he lifted himself up. His legs were  
still outstretched and she also sat upright, squarely on his upper  
thighs and uncomfortably close to his groin. He grabbed the hem  
of her sweater with both hands. "This needs to come off. Now."  
  
She assisted him in peeling the clothing upwards. Since it was  
a turtleneck, a bit of a struggle ensued in freeing herself from  
the neckline. He gritted his teeth as her bottom rubbed enticingly  
against a certain portion of his anatomy, the tightness growing   
increasingly more unbearable.  
  
Successful at last, she flung the sweater aside, several pins from  
her hair also falling by the wayside. The dark tresses curled  
down alluringly, in contrast to the paleness of her skin. She  
began to reach behind her back but he stopped her. "Allow me."  
He leaned into her, encircling her with his arms. As his fingers  
found the catch of her bra, he paused, distracted by the scent of  
her hair.  
  
"Having trouble?" came her soft voice, close to his ear.  
  
His fingers went to work once more, unhooking the catch with ease.  
"Nope." He slipped the lacy, delicate material away from her body  
and dropped it in the general vicinity of her crumpled sweater.  
"Now I get to return the favour," he stated, dipping his head down.  
  
It was her turn to gasp, one arm tightening around his back and the  
other hand cradling the nape of his neck. "Oh, God," she breathed,  
her voice sounding strained.  
  
After treating both breasts with equal ardour, he stopped and they  
frantically tossed more clothing to the floor. Finally, with  
nothing but heated, bare skin between them, they tumbled back  
on the bed with tangled limbs, pounding hearts, and hushed words  
of love.  
  
***************  
  
Rose rolled over on her side, stretching one arm out of the covers.  
Instead of finding a warm body, she felt the coolness of the pillow  
against her palm. Opening one eye with reluctance, her eyes told  
her what she already knew. John wasn't here.  
  
The bedcovers on his side had been neatly tucked back in place,  
as if he'd never been there. She remembered that he'd mentioned  
an early shift at the hospital today.  
  
"I'm still here."  
  
The disembodied voice startled her, making her heart jump. Turning  
to her other side, she saw him sitting in the chair by the window,  
already dressed. "Sorry if I scared you."  
  
"That's okay." She cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the  
croakiness. "Leaving soon?"  
  
"Pretty soon."  
  
His head swung back to staring through the window, leaving her to  
contemplate his profile. Even in the greyness of the early  
morning, she could recognize the stern set of his jaw. He looked  
just as he had in the car last night; tense and visibly upset.  
  
Slipping out from the bed, she padded the short distance to her  
closet and threw on her robe. Noiseless in her bare feet,  
she came to stand behind him, one hand settling on his shoulder.  
Without hesitation, he reached up to cover it with his own.  
  
"Want to talk about it?" she offered.  
  
She could hear him breathing and yet, he didn't speak. Although  
her feet were rapidly cooling and she wished she'd put on her  
slippers, she didn't move, waiting patiently.  
  
"I knew...I just knew he was going to react like that. I mean,  
I knew it deep inside but still...it still surprised me." More  
breathing before he continued. "I feel like I can't do anything  
right when it comes to him. I became a doctor because it's what  
I wanted more than anything. I did it for me. And I've always  
told myself that I didn't care what he thought of me. It didn't  
matter that he wasn't proud of me. Of what I've done with my life.  
But I guess a part of me does care. I just hate to admit it."  
A bitter sounding laugh escaped him. "Of course, any chance of  
him ever appreciating the fact that I'm a doctor ended when I  
screwed up Chase. He'll never forgive me for that."  
  
She had to interrupt him, upset that he was focusing blame on  
himself. "It's me that he's angry with. In a way, I can see  
his point. If I were in his shoes, I'd think this situation  
was suspicious too. Not only working in his company, but also  
dating his grandson. You and I know it's all so innocent, but  
we can't expect him to believe that. Not right away, at least.  
We've just got to give him time and hope that after a while,  
he'll come to accept me."  
  
"You heard Uncle Robert. That may never happen."  
  
"I know." She gnawed on her inner lip, thinking back on how  
quickly John had rebelled against Laird last night. Perhaps  
he had acted on impulse, without really grasping the  
consequences of his defiance. She moved to the side of the  
chair, crouching down. "John," she began. She paused as his  
hands grasped both of her forearms, tugging upwards. As she  
got to her feet, he took hold of her waist and guided her down  
to sit sideways on his lap. Distracted, she tried to remember  
what she'd been about to say next. From this height, her feet  
didn't even touch the floor. She swung her legs, suddenly  
feeling like an eight year old kid. "Is this any way to have  
a serious conversation?"  
  
"Sure," he mumbled.  
  
His head was tilted down so she couldn't see his eyes, but she  
could sense that his anger had evolved into sadness. She kept her  
own anger at bay, aware that it wouldn't help the situation.  
For Laird to lash out at her was one thing, but she couldn't stand  
seeing John hurt. Well, nothing she could do about it for now.  
"If you're going to make me call you Santa, I'm leaving." That  
made him exhale a snort of laugher, and he finally looked up to  
meet her eyes. Now she could continue on. "Have you really thought  
about what it will mean to defy your grandfather? It's going to  
make things so difficult for you."  
  
"I know that. But hey, we Carters don't get along well anyway.  
It won't be that different."  
  
She fixed him with a stern gaze. "Yes, it will. And you know it.  
What about your grandmother?"  
  
He nodded, twisting his lips as he glanced away. "Yeah, it'll  
probably be hardest on her. But I can't help that. Out of  
everyone, she'll be the one who'll understand."  
  
"Maybe she'll be able to talk some sense into Laird."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Rose let a moment of silence hang in the air before she broached  
the next topic. "So you have to move out of the guesthouse."  
He simply nodded, looking off into space again. "You could move  
in with me." As she suspected they would, his dark eyes zoomed  
back to meet hers. "It's really the first thought that came to my  
mind last night, when Laird threw the order in your face. But I  
told myself I'd at least think it over for the night and if I still  
felt the same the next day, I'd make the offer. And, well, here  
we are." She hesitated for a beat, aware of a strange wave of  
shyness coursing through her. "The morning after. And I still  
feel the same way. So the offer is there, if you want to take it."  
  
He didn't answer immediately, continuing to study her. And as  
much as she wanted to glance away, she found she couldn't.  
Their eyes remained locked for a very long moment. "This is  
a pretty big step," he finally stated.  
  
"I know."  
  
"But I'm ready if you are."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She bent her head to caress his mouth with a light kiss, then  
quickly swivelled her head to the side as a forceful sneeze  
erupted. She barely had time to cover her mouth. "Bless you!"  
he said.  
  
She sniffed, blinking back watery tears. "Thanks."  
  
"You cold?"  
  
"Just my feet."  
  
"Well, you should have said so, silly."   
  
She drew a quick intake of breath as she found herself scooped  
up in his arms and deposited on the bed. As he briskly rubbed  
her chilled feet with his hands, transmitting their warmth,  
a grateful sigh escaped her. "Why don't you get back under the  
covers," he suggested, pulling up the sheet and comforter as  
he spoke. "It's Saturday. I have to get going, but you don't."  
  
As her feet and the rest of her body, robe and all, were  
enveloped in the coziness of the bed again, she could feel the  
drowsiness starting to set in. "What time is it?"  
  
"Um, almost five thirty."  
  
"Oh, that early?" No wonder why she was sleepy. She fought to  
keep her eyes open, but was beginning to lose the battle.  
  
"Rose?"  
  
"Mmm hmm?"  
  
"Thanks for asking me."  
  
She forced her lids open, finding his face very close to hers.  
"You're welcome. I'm glad you said yes." Feeling his lips  
against her cheek, her eyes fluttered closed again. She felt  
at peace, knowing she had made the right decision. It just  
felt - right.  
  
"Love you," she heard him say.  
  
*I love you too* That was her last, coherent thought, before  
drifting away completely.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note**: Okay, before anyone gets too excited (although it's highly doubtful anyone at this point even cares!) this addition to the story does not mean I am continuing with it. I stumbled across this unfinished chapter on an old backup CD and was quite surprised, as I don't even remember writing it. I have always regretted not finishing this story but any outline I had is lost so I only have a vague idea of how it was all going to work out. Maybe one day it will happen but I make no promises. I share this with you and hope you enjoy it!

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters from ER. They are the property of Warner Brothers, Constant C Productions, etc.  
ARCHIVE: You are welcome to download this story for your own reading, but please do not archive it on any website without my permission.  
SUMMARY: A Christmas family reunion.

Previously on "Summer Rain and Roses":  
After the confrontation with Laird Carter, John returns to Rose's home. They declare their love for each other and make love for the first time. In the morning, Rose asks John to move in with her and he accepts.

* * *

"Ow! Damnit!"

"Sorry," John apologized, slightly easing the pressure of his probing fingers. "Definitely tender there." He turned his head to speak rapidly to Lydia. "Let's get a CBC, Chem 7, LFT and an ultrasound."

The already agitated patient on the gurney frowned in displeasure as the doctor spoke. "What do I need all those tests for? Just give me some pills or something."

"Mr. Addison, you're showing all the classic signs of appendicitis.  
We may need to operate..."

"What?" the man interrupted with a squeak. "Are you sure?"

"No, I'm not sure. That's why we need these tests. Okay?"

"I guess," Mr. Addison grumbled.

A rapid double knock on the door overrode his words as John jotted down his notes on the chart. "Yeah?" he called out, without looking up.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. You got a sec?"

He recognized the voice but continued to write, head bent in studied concentration. "I'm a little busy."

"Uh, I really think you should see this."

He allowed a few seconds to pass before he relented, trying to squash his annoyance. "All right, I'll be there in a minute." Losing his train of thought for a moment, his hand paused in mid-air. Suddenly aware the door hadn't closed yet, he looked directly at Dave. "In a minute, I said."

Shaking his head slightly as the door was finally shut, he turned his attention once more to his patient. Ninety seconds later, he had barely stepped into the hallway before Dave was upon on him. "Seriously, Carter, you need to check this out now."

"What is it?"

Dave motioned for him to follow and John obliged, his curiosity piqued at his fellow resident's odd behaviour. "I put her in Exam 2 but her name's not on the board. I don't think anyone's noticed yet."

"What are you talking about?"

Dave started gesturing broadly but still kept his voice so low, John could barely register what he was saying over the babble of noise in the busy corridor. "You tell me, man! I always figured you for a stand-up guy but if what she's saying is true, you don't deserve her."

Truly baffled now, John came to a full halt and waved one hand in frustration. "Stop talking in riddles and start at the beginning. Who is this woman?"

"Her name's Emily. Ring a bell?"

"No. Should it?"

"I would think so. She says you knocked her up."

"Excuse me?" John was aware of his eyebrows soaring upwards as he stared at Dave in disbelief but his co-worker looked entirely serious.

"She isn't even showing so the deed must have been pretty recent. Any possibility it's true?"

"No! You know me better than that."

As the two men locked gazes, it took a while before Dave finally nodded. "Okay, so she's lying." They continued moving towards the exam room. "Maybe she wants to blackmail you."

"Oh come on," John scoffed out loud. But inwardly, he wondered if that was a possibility. Or maybe this was all some huge case of mistaken identity.

Dave was going full tilt with the blackmail theory. "No, really! She probably found out how loaded your family is and figured you for easy bait."

John shot him a look through narrowed eyes. "Easy bait? You think I'm a pushover?"

"I wouldn't say pushover, exactly. But you're too much of a softie sometimes. She'll probably give you some sob story and before pushing her out the door, you'll slip her some cash anyway."

"That is *not* going to happen." Arriving at their destination at last, John paused with his hand on the door. "Look, we're jumping to conclusions. She probably has me mixed up with someone else."

"I don't know. She gave me some details that were pretty, uh, descriptive."

"Like wha-" John cut himself off in mid-speech. "Never mind. I don't want to know." Without hesitating any further, he opened the door in one fluid motion and stepped inside. His eyes zeroed in on the lone woman standing a few feet away, her back to him. Before he could even begin speaking, she twirled around.

"Johnny!" she exclaimed, her voice bright with obvious delight.

Slack-jawed and rendered speechless, he stood stock still for an eternity before any sound emerged. "Emily?"

"So you do know her!" came the accusation from behind.

Aware that Dave was practically pouncing on his back, he moved aside to let the man in and shut the door. His initial feeling of shock was wearing off and splintering into both pleasure and anger. Crossing his arms across his chest, he held himself in check and spoke stiffly. "Care to tell him who you are?"

"He already knows my name."

"Did you mention your last name?"

She heaved a drawn out sigh. "All right, I guess I've had my fun." Giving Dave a pointed look, she stated, "I'm Emily Carter. His sister."

"Sister? Are you kidding me?"

At Dave's flabbergasted look, John conceded, "Nope, she's the real deal. Much as I'd like to strangle her right now."

"Are you really pregnant?"

"Of course not, moron! I'm just testing my acting skills. I had you fooled though, didn't I?"

"Hey, lady, I don't appreciate..."

John settled one hand on Dave's shoulder and spoke quickly, giving his sister a glare that spoke volumes. "I think you owe both of us an apology."

"It was just a joke. Don't be so serious."

"You've wasted Dr. Malucci's time and mine, not to mention embarrassing me. This isn't funny, Emily."

He hadn't seen her in five years. Despite the stylish, close cropped hair and noticeable maturity in her face, the vague pout that graced her lips now was definitely one of his baby sister. "Okay, okay. Maybe I went a little too far." Turning on the charm, she flashed a grin in Dave's direction. "But tell me truthfully, you did believe me, right?"

"Well I dragged the guy over here, didn't I?" Dave grumbled.

John wasn't about to let her off the hook yet. "I still haven't heard that apology."

"What am I, five years old? Jesus." After an exaggerated roll of her eyes, she met his level gaze. The moment stretched out for several heartbeats but she finally gave in. "Sorry I wasted your time. Really." Her eyes then flickered to Dave. "Sorry." She sounded surprisingly sincere.

"Okay, whatever. I gotta go." Dave retreated hastily, seeming anxious to escape the room.

"Don't be mad. I really am sorry."

The anger had receded but puzzlement remained. "Why would you make up a story like that?"

"It seemed funny at the time. You know me, I like to make an entrance." Her attention dropped to the stethescope around his neck and she came forward, tracing its surface with one finger. "Look at you. I've never seen you at work before. You look so..." Her voice trailed off in a hush.

"Dorky? It's the lab coat."

She chuckled softly. "No, not dorky. Just...very professional."

"When did you get back?"

"A couple of days ago." She poked a finger at his chest, her mouth shaping into a sly smile. "You, big brother, have been stirring up trouble. That's usually my job."

"Ahh, so you've heard."

It had been almost two months since he'd moved in with Rose and he'd never been happier. But he had to wonder what kind of stories Emily had been hearing at the estate. Which versions of the truth had she been fed?

"That's partly why I'm here," she continued. "To invite you over for Christmas Eve dinner."

He didn't bother hiding his surprise. "That's impossible. Grandfather wouldn't allow it."

"He doesn't have a choice. Gamma has made it clear that she wants you there and she usually gets what she wants. Don't even think about saying no."

"I..." He broke off, pursing his lips in thought. "What about Rose?"

He wasn't positive but he sensed a sudden stiffness in his sister. "I don't know. Gamma didn't mention her."

He definitely wasn't imagining the aloofness of her tone. "If she's not invited, I don't feel comfortable going."

"It's meant to be a family dinner."

"She's family to me."

Her expression remained neutral as she backed off the subject. "You don't have to decide right now. We'll talk about it later."

Biting back the retort that he'd already made his decision, he simply nodded. This wasn't the time or the place to get into the dramatics of the situation. "Well, I'd better go," she stated abruptly.

She was several paces from the door before he stopped her. "Emmy." Turning at the nickname from long ago, she regarded him through liquid dark eyes. "Come here, silly girl," he chastised, with arms outstretched.

Hesitating for only a fraction of a second, she came to him slowly and accepted his embrace. She then returned the hug so fiercely, the tightness across his chest was as much physical as emotional. Words were mumbled against his shirt and he lowered his head. "What?" More rumblings that he couldn't distinguish and he felt a cool dampness against his skin.  
"Are you crying?"

As she raised her head and revealed tear-stained cheeks, he was transported back to a distant memory. She had been an unusually tough kid and had rarely cried. Bumps and bruises had always been endured with stoic bravery.

But there had been one time when they had wept together, with arms entwined as they were now.

"I'm sorry."

Her voice snapped him out of his reverie. "What? Oh, forget it. Dave will get over it."

"No, not that. I'm sorry I didn't come...when you were stabbed."

"Oh." Startled, it seemed he could articulate nothing beyond that one word.

"I should have. I wanted to! But Mom and Dad didn't think it was necessary. I shouldn't have listened to them. Should have taken the first flight over here." She closed her eyes briefly, giving her head a shake. "Who am I kidding. I chickened out. I can't blame them."

Somewhat bewildered, he asked, "What do you mean, chickened out?"

She swiped at her eyes, ridding them of remaining wetness and regaining her composure. "I didn't...couldn't...watch another brother die. I couldn't go through that again. But it was selfish of me. You needed your family here and we let you down."

"It's okay..."

"It's not okay. But saying I'm sorry is all I can do now." She paused to study his face. "How are you? Really?"

"I'm okay. It's taken a while but I really am." He could say this now with complete honesty. Six months ago, it would have been a blatant lie.

Stretching upwards, she kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I think Bobby was looking out for you," she whispered. And then she was gone.

He stood there in the middle of the exam room for the longest time, staring at the tiles on the floor. He wasn't sure why his sister's apology should make a difference after all this time. But it did. Perhaps he hadn't wanted to acknoweldge it back then but some part of him must have felt abandoned. Unloved, even. It had never occured to him that his sister or parents might have kept their distance because of fear. Fear that he would have met the same fate as his brother. It didn't make things right. But it did help him to understand. That had to count for something.

"Carter, there you are! Weaver's been looking for you. Two GSW's coming in."

Jolted back to reality by the stern voice, he turned to find Lydia framed in the doorway. She wasn't about to leave without him. "Can't hide from you, can I?" he joked amiably, following her into the hallway.

He had a lot to talk about with Rose when he got home tonight.


End file.
